To ask what’s been your biggest failure in life, and what (if anything) you learned from it?

[ForFlakySloth]

I’m interested to hear from others about setbacks or moments that didn’t go as planned. We all have those times we wish we could redo or just handle differently. What’s been your biggest failure in life? Did you take any lessons from it, or did it change how you approach things now?

I’d love to know if anyone else has had similar experiences and how you’ve moved forward.

Oh god, where to start!
I trained to be a primary school teacher and quit after one term. And it wasn't just because I didn't like it, I was not good at it.
I still don't know what I want to do with my life and that was 16 years ago.

If you are interested in this question, you should listen to Elizabeth Day's Podcast 'How to Fail' where she interviews famous people about their failures.

It’s refreshing to hear that kind of honesty. It sounds like you took a brave step in leaving something that didn’t feel right, even if it left questions afterward. I’ll definitely check out How to Fail - I’ve been looking for a new podcast for a while now!

I suppose I’m substituting failure for regret but for me it was not looking more for a direction career wise- I’ve a degree in biotechnology but have hopped so much job wise (lab, admin, retain, totally different lab work) that I think I pretty much look unemployable - I didn’t go into working with animals because of pay but I think I’d have continued steadily on instead of jumping jobs

The other is spending more time with my family so my kids knew them better- they think of his family as family and mine barely acquaintances

My ex boyfriend who I met at 16. If I could my 16 year old self a talking to I would say " IF HE I S A CONTROLLING, ABUSIVE NARCASIST YOU CAN JUST LEAVE RATHER THAN STAY FOR 6 YEARS AND LET HIM RUIN YOU!"

What's yours?

I turned down medical school after receiving four offers because during work experience I kept fainting at the smell of blood and realised it wasn't the career for me (it's the smell of blood in an unventilated room that gets me every time!).

Instead I joined the military. I was then diagnosed with a health condition that meant after 3 years I was forced to leave.

I had no idea what to do with my life, I lost my job, home and friends pretty much over night. I tried various jobs but nothing felt as good. I spent most of my 20s travelling.

Next failure was at uni. I began a degree as a mature student and fell pregnant in my second year. Decided to leave and am now studying a completely different degree whilst on maternity leave and finally feel like I'm on track with my education and career (it's taken the good part of a decade to get started!)

Another mistake, lending money to friends. I lost thousands of pounds and my best friend because of it.

What did I learn?

• there is always more than one way to get from A to B. If one way isn't working for you take a look at the different options and don't be afraid to walk a less beaten path.
• there's no such thing as too late.
• don't lend money
• always have an emergency fund@@
• you can't always change what happens to you in life but you can always choose how you respond to it.
• remember you can choose how much of yourself to give away and how much of others to let in. Don't overshare and don't take on other people's problems if it's@@ too much for you to handle
• be a decent person, respect yourself, treat others with kindness and respect, stick to your principles even @ForFlakySloth when the going is tough and good comes around.

You first

Getting married. Twice.
I would have been so much better off in every way if I had stuck to making my own decisions and not listened to men.

Lovely post

Messed up my education because my mother told me the teacher said I was " Bumping at the bottom of the class " which I found out later was a lie . I was actually one of the more capable pupils and my teacher was horrified when I told her after bumping into her after leaving school. My brother also told me than Cse qualifications were not worth the paper they were written on . I just gave up due to low self esteem. I have learnt not to take what others say as the gospel and question everything .

What was yours OP?

@Coolbreezee

Wonderful insightful post and true .

I think mine was not pursuing a career I was passionate about when I had the chance. I stayed in a stable job that didn’t fulfil me, and it took years to realise how much I valued my happiness over security. It taught me the importance of taking risks and following what truly makes me happy, even if it feels daunting.

What’s yours?

Not looking after my health and fitness when I was younger and letting my weight creep up to obesity levels. I’ve sorted it out now but it’s much harder to lose weight and get fit in your 30s and 40s than to just never get yourself in that position in the first place.

I also should’ve taken the hit to my career and had children earlier. I was pushing 38 when DD was born and (a) I’m knackered 😂 and (b) it left no time to have more - a second pregnancy didn’t work out and by then we decided we were just too old.

I did really well in school because it was all memory/rote learning. Looking back there was things I didn’t understand but most of the stuff you could simply learn paragraphs off by heart and do well in exams (I wasn’t good at maths though).

I floundered massively when I went to uni and skipped so many classes over the 4 years. I was so panicked about not understanding things that I just avoided it all. I got C’s and D’s a lot which I was definitely not used to, struggled a lot with ‘discussion’ tutorials and having to learn/understand new material, ended up failing 2 modules in fourth year and couldn’t graduate with everyone.

A few years later after reflecting on it all I have learned to ask for help and to say when I don’t understand something. I still struggle at work when people want new thoughts and solutions, I’m not an ‘ideas’ person but prefer menial and repetitive tasks with rules and instructions. I don’t pick things up quickly or come up with new solutions, but I’ve come to terms with it 🤣 after a lot of failed jobs I’m now happily working in civil service, admin type of role.

I dropped out of Uni. I was NC with my family so all alone and working 2 jobs to pay my bills 9and keep up with everyone else partying and buying clothes etc)and just didnt prioritise Uni work. I didn't have anyone to give me guidance.

Now there are lots of jobs I would love to apply for but they all say degree required (and not professional jobs like lawyer or anything). I've worked my way up in my current company but to even go sideways into the same role in another company I would be competing with people who do have a degree and I don't have the self confidence to apply.

I really think I could have been on the west end or similar if my parents had been more on the ball. Training for that starts long before my potential was discovered, eg I started dance, which I was good at, at 16, and piano at the same time, which I am learning properly now in my 30s and I’m good at.

My parents did take me to some theatre college auditions but it was mortifying as I didn’t understand a lot of the basics (eg ballet, which I wasn’t allowed to do growing up as my sister did it and I wasn’t allowed to copy her).

Likewise I should have at least gone to uni if not a theatre college, but I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do and wasn’t guided at all unfortunately. My parents were ‘we’ll support you whatever path you choose’ which is nice and good, but I needed some guidance too.

So, the lesson is, I will be better at guiding my children and following their passions.

I think the only element of “failure” here is allowing it to keep defining you. Improve that self confidence, separate who you are now with all your life experience, hindsight, and sense from the teenager you used to be. You’re far more than a couple of years right at the start of your adult life.

I pissed about for almost the entirety of my degree. Attended virtually no lectures, did the bare minimum of work, came out with a 2:2. But I’ve never let the daft behaviour of my teenage self define who I am now. I apply for promotions against people far more educationally qualified than I am - and get them. Once you reframe the situation and can explain why your educational background isn’t as stellar as it could be, and turn it around into understanding what you learned from it and what’s motivated and driven you since, you realise how many people actually have an awful lot of respect and admiration for that.

I haven't "commited" any major failure yet at 45.
However, thinking about it, extremely difficult start in life due to where I come from and emotionally abusive parents.
It was hard work, but worth being where I am now.
🍀

Simply not believing in myself. That I couldn't possibly have a career. That I couldn't possibly manage as a single woman.

Wasted so much time and now it's really hard. I have a BA and an MSc and a PGDip and I still don't think I am worthy of a career.

Doing a degree I didn't want to do. Hated it. Did badly.

What I've learned?
DD is not doing a degree straight out of school, she is doing a college course she likes. She is waiting until she is ready to go and knows more about what she wants to do.

Thinking, believing what I was told, that ex wanted the same as me. Planning a life without having absolute rock solid concrete proof.

So I'm a single mum and have been for 14 years. I've done a reasonable job, ds is a happy, healthy, secure, well-provided-for teen. But I don't know if I will ever have a meaningful intimate relationship.

Parenting. I would have done many things differently, hopefully with a better outcome. Now they're in their 20s and it's too late. Can't say I've learned much except that what's done is done. Still feel regret most days.
Surprised there are no similar posts so far. I must be the only one!

Its so embarassing I cant even talk about it anon. Have tried to fix it but its unfixable I think ( not a crime or anything like that).
What I have learned: fix things that are wrong immediately
learn to say sorry
seek help

My entire life has been one big failure pretty much. I can't cope with any kind of pressure or responsibility, have been abused and bullied, and am now desperately unwell.
But hey, I did my best. Lol 🤣