To ask what’s been your biggest failure in life, and what (if anything) you learned from it?

[ForFlakySloth]

I’m interested to hear from others about setbacks or moments that didn’t go as planned. We all have those times we wish we could redo or just handle differently. What’s been your biggest failure in life? Did you take any lessons from it, or did it change how you approach things now?

I’d love to know if anyone else has had similar experiences and how you’ve moved forward.

Mine all started with not revising properly for my A levels so not doing the degree I wanted. Then I left college for a boyfriend who soon dumped me. Then I married the first man who came along , not a terrible idea because we are still married, and then found out her was a bit workshy.

Then resigning from a good job because I wanted them to say don't go. They didn't.

Actually my life has been a series of disasters.

However I'm currently snuggled up under a fleece watch films with my youngest grandson. Who I gave chocolate cake for breakfast.

I turned down a place in the Navy and ended up working in the NHS, I managed six years and hated it as it was so badly run even back then in the late 1980’s very early 1990’s. The good thing though my registration is decades out of date and medicine has moved on is I know more than the average person. When DH knocked himself out in May this year in A&E because of questions I asked the Dr and nurse assumed I was a nurse. I did tell them many moons had passed since I had been in surgery. But it’s handy knowing a lot of the lingo.

Not seeing though a close friend for what she was. DS always disliked her and as a small child was vocal about it. When friend and I broke up for want of a better term two other friends who had met her expressed how much they also didn’t like her. I wasted a lot of time on that woman, DH did DIY for her and we became close when I assisted her through an awful break up. She spent many years single. As soon as she was settled that was it. What a consummate user she was.

Spending my life trying to make my parents love me. They don't, and when I finally accepted that I was able to move on and have a meaningful and happy life.

I was a University researcher, and had pinned my hopes on getting a lectureship in the university I was working in - for career stability, and being able to remain in the area I lived with my DH. Aced the interview, but didn't get the job. I was so disappointed, I felt my career had gone completely wrong and I had no hope.

I had to take a demotion and work on a few short-term contracts in areas which were a bit different to what I was used to, and apply for anything and everything all over the country (still in academia - lectureships etc).

Eventually something came up in the civil service, much closer to mine and DH's families, which I didn't think I'd get. I applied and was offered a job. 8 years on, I'm still there with no regret. DH had to move jobs, which was very difficult, but it feels very worthwhile now.

What I learnt - the idea you have in your head of what your career will look like might not be right. Taking a different path to the one you wanted can be just as interesting and fulfilling. And follow your interests....if it sounds interesting, give it a go!

Messing up the best relationship I ever had. The lesson is: if I get lucky with an amazing relationship again, never to take it for granted and really listen and take action when someone is telling me that I'm damaging the relationship.

Marrying a boring taker who fleeced his ex wife and tried it with me. I have my child from that marriage but my God why did I walk down that ailse ?

Me too ! I accepted this in my early thirties .

I failed at romantic relationships - I have had three five year ones that I ended, all because I saw the problems and chose not to act on them.

First one - he was a knob and I lost respect for him. I knew that right at the start but didn't want to end it. Five year later I ended it.

Second one - mean personality and sexual problems. Sexual problems were evident early - I thought it would get better, it did not. When I ended it I didn't even like him as a person.

Last one - had serious debt and just could NOT manage his income. I thought I could help him, which I did, but he was never out of debt and his attitude to money was 'I want it, I'll pay the higher interest rate for people with debt problems.' That said a lot to me. Should've realised it when he first told me how much debt he had.

What I learned -

Stay lighter on my feet emotionally - I might need to leave.
Take things I see seriously - crap sex? Debt? Rolling me eyes at him? That's how things are going to be.

When the last one ended, I thought to myself 'I caused this. I knew it but didn't act on it. I HAVE to get it right this time. I can't waste my time and their time when I know something isn't right. I wouldn't play the wrong note knowingly (I'm a musician) - why do I tolerate men who are not right for me??'

I also used to try and help men become better - no way now. I learned that if the shoes don't fit, don't buy them.

I’m not cool. I was at a party and a lady tried to do what I now realise was her half of a fist bump but I didn’t know and die reasons I can’t explain, thought we were suddenly playing Scissors Paper Rock (why? Why?) so I sort of thought “oh paper” and wrapped my hand over her knuckles and then sat in silence. It was awful, and I we were both confused. I laughed it off but really I wanted to go home. I am 53. I think of this ALL the time.

I was a teacher for only two years before I left to have a baby and never went back. It was extremely stressful and took over my whole life. I know I wasn't doing it for long but I really did try to make it work. It just felt as though nothing I ever did was good enough.

I've learned that some things are just not for me and that's okay. Before I was of the mindset that I could make a success of anything if I tried hard enough and never gave up. I never used to give up on anything. But I tried harder than I ever have before with teaching and it just made me miserable. Sometimes you have to give up on things that just aren't working.

@LizzieBowesLyon sorry but that woman doing the fist bump was not cool at all. It's a yoof thing.

I think you were really cool in the way responded. I'd have laughed like a drain.

Because she wasn't cool at all and trying to be.

My biggest failure was relationships. I was one of those people who was so worried about being alone that I went from relationship to relationship, hanging onto crap relationships trying to make them work. Such a waste of time and energy.

I learnt that I can be happy on my own. In fact happier than I have been in most of my relationships! I thought growing old alone was to be avoided at all costs. But now I love my single life and wouldn't want to change it.

Hahaha I would immediately have wanted to be your mate for doing that.

@malificent7 surely it's a huge achievement for you to have left him? I think that you have been extremely harsh on yourself.

@LizzieBowesLyon if it's any consolation, I think that that's utterly brilliant and is exactly the sort of thing I would do. If you'd done that to me I would have joined you in laughing. I don't see that as a failure, for what it's worth. I see it as a brilliant character trait. I once went to a party where I got into conversation with a man about Bjork. Well, I thought he said Bjork. It took me a while of my husband nudging me and muttering 'THE ORB' at me until I worked out why the man was so confused about why I kept asking him if he liked The Orb when she was with The Sugarcubes. You are not alone! 😀

@Muthaofcats Me too!

Don’t think I’ve had any massive failures tbh (no massive success either mind)

@Anonymum263 you're not the only one.
A difficult conversation last night with my youngest made me realise how my decisions have affected them more than I thought. It's so difficult isn't it as I always made the decisions I thought best for them but in hindsight I should definitely have done some things differently 😞

I guess my marriage! But at least I’m proud of having got out of it and divorced him.

So from that I learned - don’t settle for something you don’t really want just because you don’t think the ideal is out there.

This is my biggest regret also. Not taking care of my body and thinking I would be young and pretty with a fast metabolism forever so I could ruin it with fast food and no exercise for years has come back to haunt me in a massive way from my mid-thirties onwards. I’m finding it almost impossible to get even a slither of my figure back.

You sound brilliant- I think you’re cool!

I had absolutely zero guidance at school. Careers advice didn't really exist. Well, it did, there was a room with leaflets in it.

If I'd have had some guidance I would have had an actual career. I'd have been a great doctor for example.

This was also compounded by the fact that I went to a totally crap school where you were basically a loser/bullied/beat up if you were intellectual/interested in school.

and a lady tried to do what I now realise was her half of a fist bump

^

Oh god that'd be me

I hate the whole high five thing

Awkward!

getting married, twice

learnt i don't want to get married a third time lol

I should have continued focusing on my master instead of letting my missed miscarriage and subsequent inability to get pregnant again take centre stage. I really wish that I had focused those years on my studies as all that worrying and sadness was never going to help me get pregnant... Feels like wasted time. I ended up having to finish my master sleep deprived in COVID lockdown with a baby. It kind of crushed my future career plans.