Feels like I'm losing the kids

[HandOld]

My boys are 6 and 3.

My husband can be a total arsehole. I'm really trying to find the strength to leave. There is just a lot of logistical things that feel impossible.

I said something he didn't like just now and he was "fucks sake this and that" "fuck off" "don't fucking ignore me" "your life is collapsing" "you got a fucking huge ego on you" all in frotn of the kids. I'm just ignoring him as don't want hom to shout anymore in frotn of them so trying not to antagonise. He says "I'm not shouting. Get a fucking grip" etc.

I apologised and he calmed down. And both boys went on the sofa and cuddled H and he started cooinh over them and giving them sweets and H glared at me and ive left them downstairs. And now I'm all alone upstairs

If I leave I'm going to lose my boys. They think he's so cool and fun. I'm meant to be working in 30 mins and I can't stop crying. They love him so much and he's so nice to them. But he's so cruel to me. I just can see them staying with him and I'll be alone and they'll hate me.

I know this isn't an AIBU but I'm in so much pain. I feel like I can't breath. I don't know what to do.

OP ask him to leave. If everything is in your name, ask him to move out. Tell him your relationship is over and he will need to find somewhere to live while you go through the process of separation and eventual divorce.

You do not need to use a solicitor for the divorce itself, only for drafting financial arrangements really, and if there are any court proceedings it’s better to use one.

The divorce itself is a few clicks on gov.uk and paying a fee.

You cannot force him to leave the property but if he becomes abusive towards you the police can remove him.

Op can do all that from a refuge or similar then she cam return to the house. If that's right for het abd she's going to be safe etc. If she tells him to leave and he says no . She will then feel powerless

I really don't think I'm going to go to a refuge. He's never physically threatened me. I'd call the police in a second if he ever did. They go to school 5 mins from our house so it's not like I can just hide us away. But I do know I need to plan. He is a nasty bully but I feel fairly sure I don't need refuge.

he's saying 'fucking hell what's wrong with you' etc

Have you ever turned around and replied

”What’s wrong with me. I am married to a man who thinks his salary shouldn’t be spent on bills, or putting a roof over his dc’s heads or food on the table and is making out he is the big man of the house and trying so hard to get his dc to love him when he doesn’t love them and only makes a show of loving them to wind their mother up”

I think file for divorce and go for parental alienation

They are cuddling him to save their own skin.

They know if they don’t then they face the same abuse

It isn’t love it’s survival

100% this.

I stayed, mine where young , omg I wish I’d got out sooner
please get them out of this .
stand strong with the kids , being away from your H will help them
its not love they are trauma bonded to him , that’s what kids do
it gets worse as they get older trust your gut
they will come back to you when you are out of the toxic environment

What ever the financial cost it will be worth it.

If the rages get too much you can always get the police involved

If he has shown he cannot control his temper might you be able to go for supervised visitation at a contact centre

Remember that any parental alienation needs to be reported.