Pre-wedding email. Bit weird?

[bookworm8500]

Invited to a colleague's wedding evening do and had an email come through to all guests (unless it has just come to me 🤣). Maybe I've just hit the nail on the head 🤣

It states, amongst loads of other instructions, that,

'A small buffet will be provided. This is for all guests to enjoy, so please be considerate with your portion sizes'.

I've never seen anything like that before! AIBU to find that very weird to be on a pre-wedding email?!

This reminds me of when myself and two friends threw a joint party for our children and friend 1's family tanned 90% of it before any other guests got anywhere near. Greedy bastards.

I went to a wedding this year where every course was a sharing plate for the people on the table. There were a few people on the table who didn't do a mental calculation of how many of each item there was, and not everyone knew each other so didn't feel able to comment on the greedy buggers hoovering up more than the intended portion.

Several people ended up with a main course that consisted of the veggies no-one else wanted and no meat. Not great.

It's a shame as that is what people will remember about the wedding rather than the other elements that no doubt a lot of effort went into.

Mumsnet has always shocked me about how often this type of thing happens in the UK. It is definitely a cultural thing as in my culture and many of my friend's cultures (from many different cultures), this would be absolutely shameful - people over cater whether it is a house party or a wedding - being a generous host is imperative.

I would expect an evening guest to be offered something like a bacon sandwich and a piece of cake. It's supper, not your dinner!

What 😱😱😱😱

Even people in prison each get their own tray/plate. How are people not totally mortified to invite people to an event with instructions like this? Do they hate all their friends and family?

That's your culture. I've seen poor behaviour by wedding guests, where they have deliberately crossed the boundaries of the bride and groom's culture.

I think it's fine. Some people can be really greedy with buffets and it would be a shame if most of it had been hoovered before some guests have a chance to take anything.

Get some Domino pizza delivered & don’t share.

further
the thing everyone will remember about their wedding. In 20, 30, 40 yrs …. Is the message about considerate portions

If they have an anniversary party … and one of them has gained weight … there will be a portion size roasting.

I wouldn't go.

They warn you to take a little food, pay for your own drinks and give them a gift. No thanks.

I'm not British but lived here for 10+ years. The stingy offerings at weddings in England (and threads like these!) are just mad to me. It would be a huge faux pax where I'm from if someone was hungry at your wedding.

It must be cultural. I've attended the weddings of many lovely English friends and colleagues, but learned a long time ago to bring a large handbag with sandwiches/snacks to avoid being disappointed by the lack of food. I used to judge people, but it happens so often that I just come prepared now!

But most wedding receptions aren't open bar all evening...

Weddings are an absolute pain in the arse now, I've come to dread invites. I increasingly see and hear nonsense like that the OP has described.

Brides: only invite as many guests as you can afford. If you're having to ration a 'small' buffet then you can't afford the number you've invited.

If I were the OP I wouldn't be going to this wedding.

That's quite rude on an invitation. However, some folk are very greedy piling up their plates and even worse wasting half of it.

It is a bit weird to be honest. It’s made them look really stingy & people are going to be really embarrassed to take more than a cocktail sausage & a sandwich each. They probably have provided food per head and have more heads than food

I’d appreciate that. I once went to an evening do having eaten to line my stomach and was then served a huge meal. I’ve also been ravenous and drunk and debated ordering a pizza - at least you know where you stand with this one.

In my experience, wedding receptions in the US usually have meals served by waitstaff with assigned seats. This avoids the problem of the buffet running out and I think is a nicer experience for guests.

Are buffets the norm for UK weddings?

I know what you mean! Whereas Africans tend to lay on so much food they’re a bit surprised if you don’t bring Tupperware. 😂

For the evening session yes, not for the day do. The old style tradition is a ceremony, sit down meal, dancing and a beige buffet to soak up the booze.

At ours we put out very large pieces of pizza and bowls of chips.

One couple took 4 slices of pizza and a whole bowl of chips to their table...they had had a full dinner 3 hours before.

The pizza was meant to be one slice each (as I say a huge slice)

They also said they were vegetarians and had the vegetarian meal....they were eating pepperoni pizza....

I suspect 1 of 4 scenarios.

1. They have a "package" of something like 60 day guests and 80 night guests and have invited over the number of night guests and don't want to pay the extra per head so the venue is catering for 80 but there might be 94 people there for the night do. Hence the food will need stretching.

1. The venue package is wedding breakfast and a "light bites" buffet. They have had a chat with the venue and realized what they thought was an evening buffet is actually lite bites.

1. They have some absolute gannets among the guest list who will load up their plates and leave nothing for most guests and are hoping that the email will mean someone accompanying the absolute gannets will remind them that that the food needs to go round everyone. It's highly likely that the gannets will still load their plates up and will be first to the buffet. IME gannets seem to know the second the buffet opens and have no shame in been the first in the queue.

1. They have some CF family members who are planning on bringing Tupperware to the event and "packing themselves up for tomorrow" from the evening buffet. Yes, I have been to a wedding where some of the brides family did this. It was an eye opener.

In short, eat before you go. Expect a well picked over buffet.

People go mad at buffets. I was at a funeral one where some CFs made a comment to the widow that there was nothing left and was more good coming out soon!!

This was after a second round of sandwiches had already come out because there was more people than expected.

The widow’s brother told them where to go.

Some people need common sense explained to them unfortunately

At my wedding (Philippines) we had takeaway boxes on hand for people to bring home leftovers if they wanted 😂😂

2 slices each doesn't seem outrageous to me, no matter how big. I get that not everyone will want or need 2, but to cater for only one each doesn't seem enough.

I should have said 4 slices EACH!