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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To sell DC's things without asking them?

68 replies

isodontknow · 31/10/2024 07:29

Preparing to move house and we will lose a lot of storage so we need to be ruthless about what we take with us. I have a load of stuff in the attic, including toys, games etc that the DC have grown out of or were never interested in. They know it's up there, but have never asked for it since it being put up there.

I know if I get e.g. the board games down that they haven't seen in a while they will say no, we have to keep it and play it once and then get bored again.

Is it wrong to list/donate the stuff without asking them?

DC are now 12 & 14. I would keep the main toys/games they loved, am planning to keep one Ikea moving box. Pick out their favourite pieces from the crate of Duplo, sell the rest. I have told them we need to sort out before Christmas for people who wouldn't otherwise afford/have any gifts. They are happy with this idea. Yesterday I brought the first batch down and they came up with reasons why we couldn't get rid of all but 1 thing...

YABU - they need to decide about every item, it was given to them.
YANBU - list it, get rid, only ask them about things you're unsure about.

OP posts:

ByMerryKoala · 31/10/2024 07:33

It's too big of a task to put everything through a committee. Just sell it.

NowStartAgain · 31/10/2024 07:33

You do need to take charge of this yourself when the kids aren’t around. It’s very predictable, if they see you trying to get rid of something suddenly it’s special and they need it. I think most kids do that, mine does for sure!

Why not ask for a list of any toys or games that have special memories and they write it down? They would get to keep the things they think of without looking at the stuff.

GiraffeTree · 31/10/2024 07:34

Just get rid of it OP. Otherwise it will take forever!

curious79 · 31/10/2024 07:34

If you can be sensible about saving some stuff you know they would like I would not under any circumstances involve children in the getting rid of stuff. Young children hold tightly onto anything they see again. Older children ruthlessly throwaway absolutely everything without consideration to whether they might actually want it in the future. I say this from very direct experience of having to clear a house out in recent years prior to a renovation. Eldest actually chuck stuff away that was valuable and had to be rescued. Youngest would hold tightly onto everything and anything if he had his way.

Grepes · 31/10/2024 07:35

Just give it all to them, tell them they can pick ‘x’ items and the rest you will donate to others who will enjoy them. Let them do the sorting work!

sangriaandsunshine · 31/10/2024 07:35

Are you coming towards the end of HT? If so, if they're getting a bit bored, perhaps give them until the end of the week to play a few of these board games and things together and then they're gone.

shuffleofftobuffalo · 31/10/2024 07:37

I wouldn't get rid of things without their permission, my mother used to do that and it feels like such a violation.

However - it's fine to set them parameters - for instance I'd say you can keep whatever fits in the box we're moving with, anything else goes. I find this very effective for my child who would love to keep everything - once she's given the boundaries in terms of space the other decisions come quite quickly.

I also wouldn't let them keep bits and pieces of things - say it's because half a duplo set isn't a great toy but think how much pleasure someone will get out of the whole thing. Then leave them to make their own decisions.

greengreyblue · 31/10/2024 07:39

Of course it’s wrong. Would you like that to be done with your things? Just ask if there’s anything they want to keep.

Original poster

isodontknow · 31/10/2024 07:40

@sangriaandsunshine no, they've been back 2.5 weeks!
@NowStartAgain that's not a bad idea, might consider it!

OP posts:

BlackToes · 31/10/2024 07:41

I’d give them the ikea box and get them to fill it with what they want to keep. Everything else goes.

BlackOrangeFrog · 31/10/2024 07:43

greengreyblue · 31/10/2024 07:39

Of course it’s wrong. Would you like that to be done with your things? Just ask if there’s anything they want to keep.

You can't keep everything they get given. Our house would be bulging if we did that.

Nope, stuff gets moved away and if not asked for after a certain time, it's gone.

I do not arbitrarily remove items, stuff that is played with is kept.

But that 12 piece dinosaur puzzle from when he was 3... that is nestled among 5 others in a box in the back bedroom that never gets even looked at? All gone without asking.

Original poster

isodontknow · 31/10/2024 07:46

With the Duplo, I was planning to keep e.g. the plane and car and dinosaurs but sell all the blocks.

No I wouldn't like someone to get rid of my stuff, and is probably the reason why I tend to keep stuff. My parents gave my things away not only without asking but also without warning and also stuff is bought with my own money and was still using. I'm not quite convinced what I'm doing is different... Even though it's stuff that hasn't seen the light of day for years and given to them quite young. However we're moving into a flat and I won't have much storage. We genuinely can't keep everything.

OP posts:

lemonmeringueno3 · 31/10/2024 07:47

I did this and my grown up children still grumble about the fact that I did it without telling them - apparently beloved things were thrown away.

If I did it again, id tell them it was happening, tell them they would get any money I made, give them 3 days to tell me of any items they knew they wanted to keep (if they can't remember what's up there, they can't love it that much).

SnoopysHoose · 31/10/2024 07:47

Give them a box/crate each that they can fill, anything else goes.

ByMerryKoala · 31/10/2024 07:50

I don't think it's good to encourage hoarding tendancies. If it's not being used, it's redundant.

kiraric · 31/10/2024 07:50

What we have done over the years is - each child has a memory box. Every now and then, we go through it and they add things and take things away but they know that they have this box to store what they want to keep and no more. They are quite large trunk size so they don't feel hard done by.

After a couple of years I have added a trunk for me and DH as well as there are things esp from their babyhood that I want to keep but they don't actually remember.

Things that aren't in the memory trunks are fair game for me to get rid off if the kids aren't playing with it

cliffdiver · 31/10/2024 07:54

We did a car boot sale and effectively bribed DDs by telling them they would keep the profit of everything we sold that was theirs.

It worked!

We did allow them to keep a large storage box of things they wanted to keep.

Anisty · 31/10/2024 07:54

My DC are adult now and have left home. What i did with stuff they left behind that had value was to sell it and give them the money.

greengreyblue · 31/10/2024 08:17

ByMerryKoala · 31/10/2024 07:50

I don't think it's good to encourage hoarding tendancies. If it's not being used, it's redundant.

I e to keep some things that are sentimental. Both of my young adult chn have crate in the loft of their special childhood memories. When they move out they can decide if they take it or get rid. DD1 rents with friends and doesn’t have a loft.

helpfulperson · 31/10/2024 08:32

If they were younger I would just do it but they are teenagers and this could seriously affect your relationship going forward and them trusting you. I agree with giving them a box and saying that is all the storage space.

Edingril · 31/10/2024 08:39

I wouldn't have liked my parents doing it to me so I would not do it to them without consultation

MuggleMe · 31/10/2024 08:41

I think once it's in the loft it's fair game if you put a lot up there. I got rid of stuff as they aged out, and any toys etc that go in the loft are seen as for grandchildren (e.g. Lego, Sylvanian families).

DifficultBloodyWoman · 31/10/2024 08:44

In your shoes, I’d ask them (without showing them) if there was anything special that they remembered from childhood that they want to keep. I’d keep those things and get rid of the rest.

About the Duplo - why do you want to keep that? Is it particularly sentimental to you? It isn’t age appropriate for the children anymore and I doubt it would be sentimental for them either. That is the sort of thing I would get rid off without a second thought.

MumonabikeE5 · 31/10/2024 08:49

Wait, am I supposed to keep my kids out grown toys. oh balls. I’ve been giving them away to make room for age appropriate ones as it happens. Will my kids be sad in 35 years time that they don’t have their old Duplo?

gettingolderbutcooler · 31/10/2024 09:01

I've got teens. We had to move out for a while so had to go through all the STUFF and weed out loads of it to dump it give to charity shops.
We made the kids go through most of it although we cleared some on our own.
Weirdly, they were still attached to lots of old teddies and we had a nice time reminiscing about old toys.
We kept those ones.
X

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