To sell DC's things without asking them?

[isodontknow]

Preparing to move house and we will lose a lot of storage so we need to be ruthless about what we take with us. I have a load of stuff in the attic, including toys, games etc that the DC have grown out of or were never interested in. They know it's up there, but have never asked for it since it being put up there.

I know if I get e.g. the board games down that they haven't seen in a while they will say no, we have to keep it and play it once and then get bored again.

Is it wrong to list/donate the stuff without asking them?

DC are now 12 & 14. I would keep the main toys/games they loved, am planning to keep one Ikea moving box. Pick out their favourite pieces from the crate of Duplo, sell the rest. I have told them we need to sort out before Christmas for people who wouldn't otherwise afford/have any gifts. They are happy with this idea. Yesterday I brought the first batch down and they came up with reasons why we couldn't get rid of all but 1 thing...

YABU - they need to decide about every item, it was given to them.
YANBU - list it, get rid, only ask them about things you're unsure about.

So I am a minimalist but I do love toys!
I look forward to grancdhildren so I can buy them toys!
However, I havent kept any toys in the loft, my kids are 21 and 18 now.
They have kept all their Lego and Nerf Guns stored in plastic tubs.
BRIO, Duplo, Playmobil etc either got sold or was given to other children or to local toddler groups.
As you are moving to a flat with limited storage explain to your children that there simply isnt space to keep everything that has been stored in the loft that they havent missed for all this time.
If you sell items give them the money to soften the blow.
Its good for kids to experience change and to learn from this situation.
My husband was very sad when our Playmobil castle with Dragon and Trebuchet went to a new home but it had to be done, we needed the space during the Covid years of home schooling.
Good Luck OP!

My dad got rid of all of my toys/gifts without telling or asking me. I’ve never forgiven him.

Be careful with your children’s feelings.

How old were you?

I would say in general that if they've not played with it and don't even remember it exists most of the time, you can sell stuff. However, if they are actively impeding the process and given their ages, I'd take a different approach.

Get all the stuff down from the attic and give them each one box and a few hours.

They can pack and keep that one box, the rest will be sold or donated.

I think the idea of giving them each a box to fill up with whatever they choose - without judgement - is totally reasonable and much more respectful. They might have memories attached to things that are a surprise to you and they are inherently their things. But they're old enough to understand finite space so no shame in setting parameters.

He did it over a period of time from when I was about 14 to 19 years old.

Just give them a box, whatever fits in it can come, if not, tough. Perhaps they can clear out their bedrooms to make space.

Or whatever they keep has to go int their rooms and there won't be space for Xmas gifts.

I’m 37 and genuinely still annoyed my Mum got rid of my Sylvanians without asking. I wanted to keep them. And now I’m having to buy them new for my own daughters. Please give them the time and respect to look through things themselves and choose what they want to keep. Hopefully you’ve left enough time to do this properly. Of course lots will have to go and that’s fine. But please give them the chance to look and decide.

At that age they need to be included. You're going about it all wrong. It's all in the throw pile but you Give them a number: you can keep 3 board games each. You can keep 10 books each. You can keep 10 video games. You can keep 3 other toys. Make them pick.

If you’re just moving across town you can be less considerate.

BUT at the very least just give them a box and they can ‘save’ whet they like and you can donate the rest.

If you were damaged by your parents getting rid of your stuff, how can you be considering doing the same?

Oh, that was harsh of him.

You can keep 10 books each. 😮😮I could never do that to my DC! You're not serious about that number are you?
I think I will go with the keep a box, and give them a folder each to put school stuff in that they want to keep.

Would it motivate them if you suggested putting the money towards something they want like a games console or something? you could agree to give them a fiver for every box full that's going to charity and let them keep the money from anything that is sold?

I have kept a few stock toys - trains, a big box of Lego, hexbugs, plus there are games and puzzle they haven't outgrown. I would say to them we're keeping these big things anyway, so you get those for "free" and your box is just for whatever else you want on top.

Also I wouldn't push them to get rid of soft toys before they are ready. Storing them in a beanbag cover can be practical if they have a lot. Growing up isn't always linear.

I'd organise by generic vs. sentimental

Generic, i.e., a puzzle, Lego, board games, etc, these are generic. If you REALLY wanted them back, easy to buy them as they're everywhere. Sell these without issues.

Sentimental, i.e. teddies, blankets, games you actually always used to play, customised stuff (Warhammer), stuff relatives (dead) have given them... Keep these as much as possible.

Watch Sort Your Life Out with the kids to inspire them, mine (16, 15, 12) are obsessed with that. We have the advantage of space but when I want a bit of a clear out we do about an hour of going through a relatively contained space (last one I did was the board game cupboards in the playroom) and I literally hold up a thing and they had to say keep or give away. We got rid of two big IKEA blue bags of board games, some had never been played with. We took them all to a local charity shop and the next week there was a big display of our unwanted games!

Otherwise agree with everyone who says give them a box and let them control what goes in. I think though that while some parents might obsessively get rid of stuff, leaving their kids unable to let things go themselves, most parents will get rid of the minimum required to keep things tidy and most of the time things won't be missed. And I say that as the child who rebought my Secret Seven books when my Mum tried to sell them at the school jumble sale.

no im not serious about that number - you could live in a shoebox or a mansion - the numbers are up to you its the idea i'm promoting not a fixed figure

If you carry out your idea to get rid without telling them then please be prepared for them to mention it for ever if you get rid of something they really wanted to keep. When we were sorting my late parents home, my sister got emotional about how she could not forgive our mum for getting rid of her stuff without telling her.

I your case I don't expect your children put the stuff in the attic, you did that so it's not their fault if they can't immediately remember everything. I think you should include them in the decision making. You can say how much stuff has to go but they should have some say in what goes.