To sell DC's things without asking them?

[isodontknow]

Preparing to move house and we will lose a lot of storage so we need to be ruthless about what we take with us. I have a load of stuff in the attic, including toys, games etc that the DC have grown out of or were never interested in. They know it's up there, but have never asked for it since it being put up there.

I know if I get e.g. the board games down that they haven't seen in a while they will say no, we have to keep it and play it once and then get bored again.

Is it wrong to list/donate the stuff without asking them?

DC are now 12 & 14. I would keep the main toys/games they loved, am planning to keep one Ikea moving box. Pick out their favourite pieces from the crate of Duplo, sell the rest. I have told them we need to sort out before Christmas for people who wouldn't otherwise afford/have any gifts. They are happy with this idea. Yesterday I brought the first batch down and they came up with reasons why we couldn't get rid of all but 1 thing...

YABU - they need to decide about every item, it was given to them.
YANBU - list it, get rid, only ask them about things you're unsure about.

When we did a big move, relocating we had 15 years worth in the loft. I made the decisions. Else we would have moved 15 years worth of crap.

How much sentimental value can they have if they are relegated to the loft?

As someone who had a mother who just randomly got rid of/gave away my stuff, I always discussed this sort of thing with my child, because it can be quite traumatic otherwise.
I still remember a large soft toy going missing, a toy which I loved and which was very uncommon/unusual, it appeared shortly after at her friend's house and she tried to convince me it was a different one - it really was the lying that hurt the most. Other toys also just disappeared.

We have teddies in the loft.
We put them there because we will retrieve them at some point (they're in vacuum bags).

Retrieve them and then, what, look at them and then put them back in the loft afterwards? Pass them on to go in your children's loft?

Get them to list on Vinted and they keep the money.

I think anything that could have personal connections, like a cuddly toy, you should ask first. My favourite cuddly toy was disposed off without my knowledge and I was distraught. Yes I hadn’t looked at it for few years but I knew it was there. I wasn’t even a child when I found out, I was nineteen and I cried.

No you teach them how to do it.

I gave mine a storage box - what you want to keep needs to go in this box. Then decide if you want to sell the other things or donate them. If you Want to sell them you write the eBay (or similar) adverts and take the photos and package them up to post. I would not do this for them - it's a good way to learn.

But also give yourself a crate as well, so things like the duplo that YOU want to keep, then show them that is in your crate.

I'd also suggest bringing money into the situation somehow, so if you see something which is possibly worth something, search for it on ebay and see if people are buying them.
If something is worth a couple of pounds then they'll pro bably care less about it.
If it's worth 100 it might make you think twice about giving it away, instead of either keeping or selling.

I say this with experience where ,with my permission, my mum gave away some of my toys when I was their age. Found out it was worth more than what my parents had paid for it a couple of years later. We were a bit miffed.

Just make sure they won't find out or suddenly ask where this and that

Do this.
Let them decide what to keep but be very firm about the limit.
My word of warning is my DH - his mother sold or gave away all his childhood toys (she never keeps anything, not sentimental at all) it upset him very much. As an adult he’s spent time and money replacing many of them!

Going forward tell them they can only have a certain number of toys and if they want a new one they need to get rid of another toy

I always ask mine before getting rid of stuff. If you think they will be resistant, could you give them a limit of a number of packing boxes each to take to the new house? Also giving them some of the money raised by selling stuff might encourage them!

When we were kids we used to sell old toys at a jumble sale and use the money to buy one new thing. Pretty sure my mum used to then jumble or bin anything that didn’t sell and add a bit to the money.

That might work well here? If the question is sell or keep they might feel differently from chuck or keep? Plus then they would have one much wanted decent new thing for the new house….

Sell it and give them the money, that’s what I do.

They more than likely will find out.

No you need to involve this at that age but be clear there isn't room for it all. Adults wouldn't like their stuff thrown or sold without permission.

You give them their stuff and make sure they understand the space they have to keep it in

They can keep what they want

But it's a great time of year for them to donate to charity

And if desperate a competition as you who fills the most bin bags -

Give them a box each, they can only keep what is in the box, everything else you will sell or donate.

I still get angry about my mum giving my snoopy watch to the younger kid next door, out he came wearing it, I just about did my nut 😂. But in any case, it may be old stuff, but it is their stuff, so if they want to keep it then it gets stored in their own rooms, if they have space for it or not, they will soon want a clear out. We trivialise kids problems as not being like ours sometimes, whether that’s bullying for example, where we don’t treat it the same as adult violence in the workplace or something like belongings. I’ve seen threads on here where a partner has thrown out someone’s stuff, sometimes with memories attached, and the universal consensus is that they have no right to throw out another person’s things, kids are people.

Just tell them they can keep up to 3 or 5 items each?

No. Tell them, give them the chance, then you've covered yourself.

It depends, if suddenly decided to get rid of your stuff that they thought you hadn't shown any interest in for a while would you be happy with that?
They aren't young children they're teenagers.
Board games rarely get played by anyone more than a few times a year. And even less if they're in the attic where you can't get to them.
Also if they get 1 small IKEA box then so do you for non essential household items.
You can't only downsize the children - in fact it should be you that is most downsized because presumably the children haven't decided to move to smaller less practical house!

I had this dilemma before we moved.
I put all of the stuff in the living room, gave them a smallish box each and said they could fill the box with what they wanted to keep and everything else had to go.
They enjoyed reminiscing and deciding what to keep and were quite happy to get rid of the rest.