DP chooses sports over our TV time - AIBU?

[footballihate]

AIBU? My DP is completely sports-obsessed, especially with football, and it’s starting to really affect our time together. Whenever we sit down to watch a series or film, he places his phone on the coffee table to stream whatever game or match is currently on. He tries to split his attention between the show we’re watching and the game on his phone, but it’s clear he isn’t following along.

This leads to him asking me questions about what’s happening in the show because he’s missed parts while watching the match. I find this behavior not only distracting but also a bit disrespectful, as I’d like us to enjoy the show together without interruptions. When I finally get fed up and ask him to either turn it off or let me watch alone, it often leads to tension.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting his full attention when we watch something together? Or should I just accept this as part of his sports obsession?

Both of you are entitled to like what you like and want to watch what you prefer. Even if that means he only ever wants to watch sport and you only ever want to watch what you like. Why are you allowed to despise sport but he has to want to watch what you watch?

Maybe he despises what you want to watch? Just watch different stuff.

You're both entitled to watch what you want, but I'd hate this. I mean, if you choose a movie to watch together then he should make the time to sit and be present. I'd not accept that.

I don't watch much telly and I hate watching sports, thankfully so does DH, but I hate this in pubs. Just the sound of that horrible football/rugby screaming. It's so bloody boring to me, the whole thing.

If this is a feature of your life, you both need to talk about it though. You knew he liked sports and still got with him, he knew you liked telly. I don't necessarily agree that you should always watch things separately either - you should both be able to choose a good film together and watch it without the interruption of sports on his phone. I wouldn't accept that from a DC, let alone a grown man. It's family time, I'd have had my phone removed if I'd done that as a teen - It's bad manners!

Maybe pick a night or two a week where you both choose something to watch together. But you both choose, and the phone stays away.

That makes no sense though Giddy.

Why on earth should an adult waste an evening watching something they don't want to watch ?
There's load of stuff on TV I don't want to watch. Why should I sit watching something I have no interest in, when there are other things I would enjoy watching? It makes no sense.

I would never make dh watch something he's not interested in, and he would not try and make me watch something I'm not interested in, because we are adult, and capable of making our own choices.

you should both be able to choose a good film together and watch it without the interruption of sports on his phone. I wouldn't accept that from a DC, let alone a grown man. It's family time

Staring at a screen in silence is hardly good quality time, though, is it?

I agree couples should do stuff together without phones, but there's no way I'd waste my evening sat watching something that didn't interest me in the slightest.

I agree with you in a way though - I don't like much telly either, but it can be nice to choose a film we both like sometimes? Or a series? Obviously it's got to be something we both like, because I'd rather gnaw my own arm off than watch most of what's on.

I think with OP and her husband though, she's trying to find something to do together and he's not even trying? There must be at least one film he wouldn't mind watching. Or he could come up with something else entirely - personally, I'd prefer boardgames or something. There's got to be a bit of give and take with them both because this is what they both like. OP wants to spend time with him, he's not getting involved.

No, me neither - that's why I said they could choose something together! Maybe I'm rose tinted as me and DH don't watch much, and we talk and laugh through most of the things we do. We've just re-watched League of Gentlemen and cackled the whole time.

The thing is they most sport is live so needs to be watched at the time it’s on. It’s not like it’s a movie or a series that can be watched on a streaming service or catch up.

Theres no point saying Tuesday and Thursdays for example is movie night then there’s midweek matches on.

I grew up in the shadow of a premier league football ground and learned pretty much from birth that you can’t beat em so either join em or do your own thing

It's time to talk to him seriously about his addiction. Do you know if he's betting as well and if yes, how bad is his gambling? If I were you I'd check the family finances, including asking to see his bank account.

He'll probably try to blow this off and make you sound unreasonable but the fact is that when an activity hinders life to the point where loved ones notice/get frustrated, it's addiction.

My DH used to be like this with mobile games. Just talking to him repeatedly did nothing. But then I went away for 6 weeks with our DC (work+family reasons) and during that time he had realised how lonely he was with just the games. So he switched his attitude, is now present, and hasn't let that happen again.

I wouldn't be happy if my DH expected me to sit and watch TV with him unless it's a football match.

You want to watch something together.
He doesn’t.
He wants to watch sports.
The solution is he goes to another room to watch sports and the two of you find another activity to do together.

That's really sad.

We tend to multiscreen. We're watching a series together but I usually have a word puzzle on the go as well and dp a game, sometimes the American football. Does it have to be stressful?

You need a compromise. How many nights a week do you spend together? I'd say have three doing your own thing and four together. Or alternate who's turn it is to choose and some nights watch sport together and some watch regular tv.

Just because you want to watch TV together doesn't mean that he does.

What's sad? That it'd be nice if they both chose something to watch together?

No one is saying they can't do their separate thing, but if they've carved out specific time to watch a film and he tunes out it's a bit shitty. If you read my pp, you'll see I state why. It looks like OP is trying to find time to bond; if this isn't what her DH wants to do then he needs to speak up and they can find something else. I'd agree telly isn't the best way, but if he's agreeing to it then he should make some effort, surely.

I hate most of what's on telly and so does DH, and we rarely watch films. So if he asks if I fancy watching something, we look through together and find something decent that we both like the look of. I don't see what's the matter with doing that! It'd be the same if OP and her DH were playing a boardgame and he was tuning out to watch sport, surely?

If she's expecting him to watch random telly with her every night of the week, that's different. But once or twice a week for 2 hours and a movie they both want to watch surely isn't that big of a hardship.

It's time to talk to him seriously about his addiction. Do you know if he's betting as well and if yes, how bad is his gambling? If I were you I'd check the family finances, including asking to see his bank account.

Ha Ha Ha. That's one of the biggest leaps I've seen on here in a long time.
I don't know if you are projecting from your own life @Spicastar or just going off into some fantasy world, but you are aware millions upon millions of people watch sport every week without betting on it.
There is nothing to indicate anything like your fantasy in what the OP has said.

@GiddyRobin - I agree with you - I think that is the big unknown in the thread.

We have no idea if the OP thinks this is a good way to spend time together and her dh agreed to humour her...... we don't know if she picked something and dh just nodded along, knowing he wasn't going to watching it anyway..... or we don't know if this was something he actually wanted to watch.

Sport obsessives don't have very diverse interests

I feel exactly the same. I'd rather be on my own than feel like I'm alone with my partner sitting right there, but it seems unreasonable to say that.

I think this is definitely the main point. There's nothing worse than being sat next to someone watching something just...because, and you're bored witless. But if it's a good film they've picked out together and got some sweets and wine for, again different.

It's a tricky one! I think there definitely needs some give and take, and maybe a chat between OP and her DH about some alternatives too.

Oh do give over.

thats as daft a comment as the one saying the OP's DH must be gambling.

There's practically zero overlap in the things DH and I like to watch (no sport though) and we don't try to find things to watch together. He watches TV and I watch something on my ipad and listen on headphones.

I was at a comedy show in Liverpool on Friday night, and weirdly, a guy 2 rows in front of me, there with another man, sat watching basketball on his phone. The tickets had only been on sale for a week (last minute venue found) so not a matter of something bought a year or so before a sporting fixture and not being able to avoid a clash, so I thought it very strange.

Of course they don’t - because the millions )billions) worldwide follow sport don’t have any other interests between them?

Another ludicrous MN made up scenario

Does he gamble on all these sports? Seems odd he can't forgo the occasional time away from watching them