DP chooses sports over our TV time - AIBU?

[footballihate]

AIBU? My DP is completely sports-obsessed, especially with football, and it’s starting to really affect our time together. Whenever we sit down to watch a series or film, he places his phone on the coffee table to stream whatever game or match is currently on. He tries to split his attention between the show we’re watching and the game on his phone, but it’s clear he isn’t following along.

This leads to him asking me questions about what’s happening in the show because he’s missed parts while watching the match. I find this behavior not only distracting but also a bit disrespectful, as I’d like us to enjoy the show together without interruptions. When I finally get fed up and ask him to either turn it off or let me watch alone, it often leads to tension.

Am I being unreasonable for wanting his full attention when we watch something together? Or should I just accept this as part of his sports obsession?

Quality over quantity!
Find something else to do to connect such as a walk or a chat over a hot chocolate or glass of wine, then watch your respective programs.
Or designate a few winding down together nights and the rest you are both free to watch your own programs.
Doesn't have to be every part of every night.

This.

I can't understand your thinking that you get to choose what he watches

I mean obviously if anyone is trying to watch one programme it would be annoying if someone set up another prog on a different device in the same room, so surely when there is a match on, he can watch that and you can watch whatever it is that you want to watch, with both of you in separate rooms like normal people do .

DH and I rarely watch TV together as we like different things, he likes sport and old films and I prefer a series.

That's the time when you want to watch sports together, turn the series off and pay proper attention.

Perhaps.
I'm glad my husband despised fucking sport channels as well, although I can happily crawl away and read a spooky story.
😁

Maybe sport is his downtime.

You know, a few years ago, I used to watch the delights of our British TV to wind down of an evening. Now most of these shows are far too tense to be relaxing at all. Maybe you have different ideas about what would be nice evening activities and he's doing his best to join you on yours while still actually winding down.

What if he said he wanted to watch sport on the TV for your "tv time" - would that then mean your u were being disrespectful by not giving it your full attention?

Watching tv together is a bit of a weak shared interest (especially when you don't even want to watch the same things). Get some proper hobbies together and then both watch what you want.

Its also not nice if one person is an obsessive, sport obsessives are very self centred

I'm of a similar mindset. I don't despise sport but it bores me to tears watching most of it. (Maybe with the exception of the 2012 Olympics). I'm just not interested and I find them all very shouty. Left alone, I would never, ever watch any sport at all. I go to bed when MOTD comes on.

whatatodoaboutnothing · Yesterday 21:01
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Perhaps he has the same opinion about the tv you want to watch together

I though the same thing. You need to have something you'll both enjoy; if my wife is watching I'm a Celebrity and all the extra stuff, I go and play on the computer. I actively dislike the programme!

Watching TV together isn't really very sociable. People don't try to read the same book together, we accept that we all like different things, and only occasionally do our tastes in stories coincide.

Who decided this ?
I have been married for more than 30 years and cannot imagine designating a period when we both have to watch the same programme together .

My partner wants to "watch TV/films together", and gets a bit sniffy if my attention isn't on it.

I don't get it. I'm not particularly into TV or films, and would rather be focused on my own reading that does interest me. (Which I have told him)

We're not interacting in a way that needs me to be watching it (i.e. we might be snuggled up, but I'm not more or less snuggled because I am or am not paying attention to the screen)

Me not watching doesn't affect him (I'm not making any noise and I don't ask questions about the show, and anyway I prefer to just background listen to it, like a radio play).

So, I get it if your partner is distracting or disrupting your viewing, that's annoying. But if they're quietly and unobtrusively doing their own thing, question to OP & anyone who does care whether their partner watches TV with them - what is it about doing this (to me) solo activity "together" that's important to you?

Because I feel like the OP's question is in two parts:

1. Is a partner being distracting/asking questions while you're watching a show annoying/disrespectful (which I think it certainly can be) and
2. Is it disrespectful that they are not giving their attention to the TV time "together" (where I don't think so, they're just signalling they're not interested in the show, and anyway, I don't understand how watching TV together is "being present" or "spending quality time" with someone anyway).

He doesn't want that time to be your TV time together and that's okay. There are times we watch different things and times we watch things together. Noone gets to dictate. Indeed sport is better on the bigger screen and he hasn't insisted it be on TV but is just putting up with it on his phone to let you watch YOUR show.

Yabu.

He's an adult and very very very clearly doesn't want to spend his free time watching tv.

The two of you are not compatible in what you want to do with your home downtime. That is up to you if that's a deal breaker for you.

Watching TV together is hardly quality time though, is it? It's just two people staring at the same screen in silence.

DH and I not only watch different things, we use different TV's on different floors of the house 🤷‍♀️

Can't blame him, hardly been anything decent on TV for years now. In fact I don't even turn it on anymore.

He wants to watch sports. You want to watch TV. Find something else that you can do for 'quality time' and then watch what you like.

Why do you get to choose how he spends his free time? Watching TV every night must be boring in the first place, but then he can't choose what to watch? Maybe take it in turns. If we happen to be having a tv night we do a programme each. Currently he is on the Rookie and I am on Minx

Why does spending time together have to equal TV?

So he wants to watch sports and you want to watch films or TV series?

Either you just agree that you will each separately watch what you want to watch, or if it is important to both of you to watch things together, then you do 50% of the time both watching sport and 50% both watching films/series, each giving your full attention to whatever the other person wants to watch.

It isn't fair for you to insist that DH always watches what you want to watch, just because you'd like to have company watching it.

Exactly.

Same here.

It's his hobby. There are far worse ones. You'll just need to let him know that it upsets you and that you don't want him to do it all the time. Ask him at the beginning of each week (as important matches, tournaments will be on different days week to week) which couple of evenings he can allocate his time only to you and what you're doing together? If he says none, that's a problem. If you ask him to let you know in advance what nights are best, everyone's a winner.

Why watch television anyway.?Plenty of other things to do to relax, keep occupied etc.

If you have decided TOGETHER to watch something IE if you are 3 seasons in to a box set that you have viewed together that's one thing . If you are just looking for some chill time together that's a different matter. Tell him to put his earbuds in and he can follow the game, while you cuddle up and enjoy your telly programme.