To get a dog before children?

[catsandblooms]

My husband and I have been together for 14 years and are trying to conceive but having fertility issues which means that we can't predict if and when we will be able to start a family. I love animals and would like to get a small dog, I work from home and could spend a lot of time with one.

My husband has always said he is happy to get a dog one day but always thought it would be after children, possibly when they are older/ teenagers.

I feel quite deflated at the moment waiting for my next stage of life to happen and the urge to get a dog has gotten stronger (we have cats already).

Friends of mine who have a dog and children say they love their dog but would never have ended up getting one if they had the responsibility of children first, which makes me think that if I don't get one now I may never get one?

Another factor is that I donate frequently to animal rescues and seeing also the rescue dogs without a home is really playing on my mind and I know I could give them so much love.

YANBU - life is for living and you could give a dog a good home and children will come afterwards

YABU - focus on children first and maybe a dog will be in your future one day

When I was having fertility issues I was desperate for a dog. We didn't get one. Then had a baby. Thank fuck we didn't get a dog!
We will get one when the kids are all over four or thereabouts.

I think getting a dog is great practice. But please be prepared to love your dog the same when kids come along. The amount of dogs that get rehomed when a baby comes along is awful.

We got a dog and then had kids a few years later. Our kids love having a dog, and I'm so glad they are growing up with one.

It depends on the dog. Buying a puppy, a breed that needs loads of time and exercise and isn’t great with children will probably see you pregnant next month. A dog a couple of years old and is fairly chilled is the way to go. I don’t think you can put your life on hold waiting.
Definitely get a chilled dog though. I had an elderly Labrador who’d had nothing to do with children or babies before. He quickly learnt that hanging round the high chair was a good idea and feigning sleep meant they ignored him most of the time.

I have a couple of friends who got dogs before kids. They regretted the decision. Why don’t you focus on your cats? What void will a dog fill?

Every so often there’s a thread where someone decides to rehome their pet because they now have a child & they can’t cope with both. I always feel very sorry for the pets.

I think you’d need to be really certain that if you get a dog & then have a child, you’ll be really committed to keeping the dog.

Edited to add, and ESPECIALLY the cats since they’re already there.

I can't see a world where I would rehome one of my pets. I always find it incredibly sad and cruel and I can't imagine myself doing it. I'm aware though that I'm not a mum yet but still it's against my nature generally.

I like the idea of getting an adult dog and really keen on a chill breed... heard greyhounds are brilliant. Let me know if you have any suggestions!

Your husband is on the right track on this.

I was just saying this the other day as a friend has just got a dog and I think she’ll be trying for a baby with her new husband soon, I would really have hated to have had a dog and newborn, it’s just an extra caring responsibility. My friend from nct put her cockerpoo in doggy daycare when her son was 3 weeks old but her dog was very high energy.

I adore dogs and grew up with them, I have a 3 year old and hope to get a dog when he’s 6ish.

Having said this, I didn’t have any fertility issues and maybe if I had, i’d have felt differently. Interestingly I know 2 couples who went through IVF and both got dogs during that process, the children and dogs have a lovely bond now and are very sweet together. Am quite sure one also goes to doggy daycare and the other had a walker come in twice a day when the kids were baby age.

We got a dog pre kids, also had fertility issues, we adored her and she adored our children when we eventually had them, she never missed out, in the early days of small babies I had a very good friend take her out for a couple of hours every day with her dog, but you could use a dog walker whilst you get used to life with a baby. Then we just made sure our dog had a safe space away from crawling babies. I do know of a couple giving up on their dog when the baby came, I could never do this, dogs are for life.

It's really difficult to get a small adult dog, though. Rescue centres seem full of greyhounds, farm collies and quite big dogs. Staffies etc.

From what you've said it would be win/win if you get a dog now, particularly if you ensure that it is well trained and sociable. If you don't get pregnant the dog will be company and love, if you do get pregnant, baby and dog can be adorable.

I got a dog for my 10 year old, she really wanted one and although at the time I had no idea why people ever had dogs, we got a puppy for her. He was great, really warmed up the house and .... within the year she had a sister.

Didn't cross my mind that dog may have been a mistake or inconvenient. I remember walking along with the puppy and the pram and thinking I was so very very lucky.

Greyhounds are apparently very adaptable when it comes to exercise.

I had a dog before I had children, I don't think it's a huge problem. My dog was around 4 years old when I had my first though, so out of the puppy stage. It's actually quite nice, to have a reason to leave the house for some fresh air even on the days when you're tired and don't really want to. Also, taking yourself and the dog out during witching hour whilst your husband deals with the baby is the perfect escape 🤣

I know you've touched on it up thread, but I really do think there's nothing more scummy than having a dog and then ditching it as soon as a baby comes along though. It's gross. You've said you could never imagine doing that though, so that's good.

Oh god no. When you finally get kids, the dog is incredibly stressful and nothing in comparison. Some people have to rehome and others just hate them as are overwhelmed by the neediness 😭 I’d say this is especially the case if you’re getting one for broodiness reasons.

I know someone who promised she’d never rehome. Guess what, she’s now got her baby and keeping to her promise of never rehoming. Dog is miserable and barely gets walked :( I wish she’d rehome him.

Retired greyhounds are meant to be great apartment dogs which is odd given they’re big, but apparently very chill and lazy. Depending where you’re based there’s a charity where you can go on dog walks to get to know them www.hershamhounds.org.uk

I would say go ahead. You can't predict when or if you will have a baby. Of course, I hope everything works out for you. I've been through the hell that is infertility. I was so happy to have my lovely dog during that time.

Absolutely agree with a PP about making a commitment to the dog, though. Far too many people lose interest and even rehome their pets when a baby comes along.

Waiting until they're teens seems a bit extreme. We have just adopted a greyhound and our youngest is a toddler. It's amazing and perfect. I know people with dogs and barbs it's all come good.

@Lelophants all that tells me is that your friend is a shit owner. People manage to have children and not only keep their pets, but also give them a similar standard of living as prechildren, it is possible.

Don't get me wrong, there was a period of time where my dog would have taken a bit of a back seat, but not to the extent to have made her miserable and only whilst we were finding our feet.

Please don’t get a dog to fill a void. You either really want a dog or you don’t. They are a big but very rewarding commitment (for the right person) and should be treated as the sentient beings they are.

@catsandblooms I was in your position and got a puppy. Honestly best decision ever. She was just what I needed, gave me something to focus on with training and just so soppy and loving. Baby came along 18months later and it's amazing seeing how much my little one loves our dog.

You can't live your life waiting for The Right Moment, or planning to be Practically Perfect In Every Way. It's a tough thought, but there's no knowing whether you'll ever have a baby. Why make that pain worse by never having a dog, either?

If you can give a dog a good home now, then go ahead. Train it well, and cross the bridge of domestic changes when you get there. You'll have at least six months to prepare!

Don't wait to live your best life.

I think I'm trying to make sense of this strong desire for a dog, and whether it's related to the baby void. I don't think so but it's hard to tell where you head it at when you are struggling to conceive. If I did commit I would give it my all. My cats are treated like royalty 👸

This is a lovely comment and where my head is at. I wouldn't go ahead unless my husband is on board but he is way more of a logical vs emotional decision maker.