To get a dog before children?

[catsandblooms]

My husband and I have been together for 14 years and are trying to conceive but having fertility issues which means that we can't predict if and when we will be able to start a family. I love animals and would like to get a small dog, I work from home and could spend a lot of time with one.

My husband has always said he is happy to get a dog one day but always thought it would be after children, possibly when they are older/ teenagers.

I feel quite deflated at the moment waiting for my next stage of life to happen and the urge to get a dog has gotten stronger (we have cats already).

Friends of mine who have a dog and children say they love their dog but would never have ended up getting one if they had the responsibility of children first, which makes me think that if I don't get one now I may never get one?

Another factor is that I donate frequently to animal rescues and seeing also the rescue dogs without a home is really playing on my mind and I know I could give them so much love.

YANBU - life is for living and you could give a dog a good home and children will come afterwards

YABU - focus on children first and maybe a dog will be in your future one day

It 100% depends on what breed you are considering.

What I will say is that way too many dogs end up in shelters because people get them before they have children, then they cannot give the dog what it needs (exercise, mental stimulation, affection, attention) and the dog attacks their child or them as a result. They don't want to rehome because 'they love their dog' but too often their dog is bloody miserable and it takes a serious attack before they do something - and usually they PTS the dog. And a dog dies and it is 100% because of negligent ownership.

FWIW I had dogs before children but I had a huge support network to help me navigate it. It's not easy.

We got our dog when youngest was 2. I am incredibly thankful I didn’t have a dog to deal with with a small baby. It’s a whole other layer of responsibility. A whole other thing to wake you up in the middle of the night, at 6am, to have to plan your whole day around and miss days out, never mind the cost which would have been tricky on a reduced income (her bloody food costs easily £100 a month alone). I love her, but the first 2 years were a lot of work. I would have been stretched too thin with a dog and small children at the same time. She is a large energetic breed and would have never been able to be in the same room safely with a baby without two adults to supervise, one for each of them.

I always warn people about getting a dog before any big life changes, because of our experience. We got our last dog before kids. It was hard work when our first came along, plus both of us working full time, but we managed. Then DH lost his job while I was pregnant with our second, got a new job working night shifts and it all just got unmanageable. Luckily DM loved our dog and offered to take her for us when things were hard. They both ended up loving each other so much that it became permanent. You just don’t know what might change in your life through kids and work etc and a dog lives for 16 years or more potentially.

We recently got another dog cause DC are old enough to walk it, work has settled down, our garden is bigger etc.It’s a whole different story now our life is more settled.

Hmm, I don’t know. Especially with a rescue dog, what happens if it has behavioural issues which aren’t compatible with a toddler? It’s easy to say “I’d never rehome” but you have no idea what the full picture might look like. Easy dogs are fine with a baby/toddler, but can you guarantee you’ll have an easy dog?

We had a dog before kids, pup was about 2 when first child was born. I didn’t really think about it in any detail to be honest. We wanted a dog so we got a dog. Dog was brilliant with all the children. I think introducing a baby to a dog is easier than introducing a puppy to small children (which I have also done recently!) just do your best with training and it will be fine, you sound like a lovely person who just wants the best for everyone. Live in the moment.

Have you considered the potential additional stress to your cats from first a dog and then a baby? You say your cats are treated like royalty but you will need to manage this very carefully to avoid stress behaviours like extra scratching of furniture and urinating around the house. And that's extra stress for you on top of the baby. You already have at least two animals, I wouldn't be adding more at this point personally.

We got our dog, he’s a Lab and is 3 now, and now have a 6 month old baby. No regrets whatsoever, he was a real support to me through pregnancy and the newborn days, still is now, he is amazing company, always cheers me up, and thanks to him all through pregnancy and now with a baby we spend hours a day out walking. I could never be without him!

BUT if I’d been pregnant and had a baby in the first 18 months ish of his life I would be answering differently. He was crazy, the training was intense and daily (worth it now to have a perfect dog), he was a chewer, he had to be trained to be left alone, he was a jumper, he was a puller… if I’d been pregnant or had a newborn during that time then I’d have been crying every day😂

This 100 %

We got a puppy, and found out I was (unplanned) pregnant literally a month later! Our dog was just 1 when DD was born.

I know some people say that dealing with a dog and a small baby /child would be a nightmare but honestly that isn't our experience at all. I actually found it lovely having him around when I was on maternity leave, he would snuggle up with us on the sofa when I was feeding, my DD was a pram or sling napper so we would go for lots of lovely woodland walks while she slept and he would run around sniffing! When DD got a bit mobile we monitored them carefully but he has always been fantastic with her - like he just knew he had to be gentle. They've grown up together really. Now she is 3 they play together, she throws his toys and hides things for him. We aren't having any more children so he is like her little playmate. They both have their own spaces in the house - she knows she isn't to bother him if he's in his bed, asleep, eating that kind of thing. Its absolutely fine. I don't know if I'd have got him if we had known I'd be having a baby but I'm soooo glad we did! He makes us more active as a family, DD can do dog walks with us know so we get out to nice outdoorsy places on weekends and I love that she's outside so much! Oh and he is a fantastic hoover at mealtimes as small children make so much mess, I never have to get the broom out like I see other parents doing every mess time ha.

**meal time not mess time!

We got a 5 month old puppy without knowing we were pregnant with our first. By the time the baby arrived he had just turned 1, had truly relaxed and was the perfect dog brother. Even as a puppy he wasn't bad, a few things were chewed and he had a dislike to books in the first few months, aside from that he was fine. Because we knew we were pregnant after a bit we were very full on with dog training, which i think paid off in the long run. We're pretty sure he is a lurcher - part greyhound, part sheperd/lab. He is the sweetest boy, very lanky, incredibly lazy, great with children, really doesn't need much exercise, a little neurotic, but an absolute delight. Also you have a built in vacuum cleaner for (fingers crossed for you) your one day children to throw food on the floor at. You both need to want one, but I highly recommend a greyhound mix if you do.

OP, please don't end up like one of the countless women who, having had a baby, suddenly decides that the dog is an intolerable germ machine. Or, that it has to be put down because it had the nerve to bare its teeth when your little angel tried to pull its tail off. Women's view of their pets can change quite dramatically once they've had a baby and the poor dog can end up being treated like an unloved, unwanted nuisance. I know you say you've always wanted a dog but it doesn't take too much imagination to think you are looking for a baby substitute. This, tragically, is a far too familiar story for the staff at dogs and cats homes.

I wouldn’t!! Toddlers and dogs are a bad mix. Also, the vast majority of cats hate dogs unless they have been brought up with them from birth (and the dogs with the cats!). My toddler can go for the cat’s tails when he is in a bad mood. Luckily they are good at getting out of the way and I always remove him from the room straightaway but I wouldn’t like to imagine if he did that to a dog!

I got a rescue dog when I was going through fertility treatment. I'm not gonna lie there were moments during the new baby months when I looked at the dog and just wished he would disappear. The dirt and fur on the floor when DD was crawling, the dragging yourself out for a walk in the pouring rain when I was severely sleep deprived, the constant vigilance of keeping a dog and a toddler apart.

However, as both of them got older it was really lovely. DD adored him even though he was relatively indifferent to her 😀. He was never neglected and had a long and brilliant life. He was my heart.

I think if I were you I might first consider fostering or telling your friends and family that you are available for dog sitting to dip your toe into dog ownership.

@Notthebeard I do kind of see your point but toddlers and digs aren't always a bad mix. Our youngest is 2 and a half and adores our dog. Yes it's draining having to constantly monitor but I wouldn't call it a bad mix, we are all very happy dog included. My friend who is a dog walker and is just generally all round very passionate about dogs has a cocker spaniel and 2 young kids.

I'm not going to lie. When a friend said that she was unexpectedly expecting her first but that she wasn't daunted because she'd had a dog since a puppy, I thought she was mad (having had three kids).

I now have a puppy and understand completely 😂

We fostered and then adopted a year old Labrador. And I had my first baby when he was not quite 2. As a high energy young dog he required a lot of work to exercise, but he was great for ensuring that I had plenty of exercise when pregnant and I took lots of walks with my baby in a sling in all weathers, although we did use a dog walker a couple of times a week to ensure the dog got enough high energy walks in case I had to cut some walks short

labs are brilliant family dogs as long as they are well exercised as they sleep in the house and are quite easy to train if you are consistent, the dog was so great with DS as he grew up, and we never had any tokens and we spent a lot of time on walks and outdoors with the dog always to for playing. They do shed, they are big but there’s a reason they are a popular family dog.

only negative was dog died when DS was 12 and he was heartbroken. We now borrow another older dog to fill the gap until we commit again. You do have to be prepared to make arrangements for days out where the dog can’t go and think about holidays (although we brought our dog on most holidays).

I know plenty of people who got the dog before kids - go for it! If you got the dog now it will be old enough by the time you have a baby even if you were to become pregnant now. The hardest part is when they’re puppies up to about a year.

FWIW I have two small dogs, a Lhasa apso and a shih tzu cross. They are so easy to manage. I know people who have the very cute cockapoos and other breeds crossed with poodles and they all seem very high energy, more of a handful than mine.

We had two dogs before we had a baby, one was still an adolescent as baby arrived. It’s a lot and I am not ready for any thing else that is dependent on me. My toddler loves the dogs and our dogs are so good with DC but it’s a lot of work.

If you do get a dog first, I would not get a rescue personally. You also need to train them to a high standard. You need to think about the dog you want and train that the minute you bring the dog home. Don’t want the dog on the sofa, don’t let them up to begin with. As a minimum before any baby arrives I would say you need to have the following commands nailed - bed (able to send a dog to its bed from anywhere in the house), leave it (in relation to food on the floor or baby toys), drop, wait, stay. You need to train them not to lick or jump and sit calmly when having their lead out on.

If you get pregnant, you need to adjust the dog to a baby. Carry a doll, play baby noises from YouTube, if the dog is sleeping upstairs you need to move them downstairs and out of your room. You need to have some baby things up like the bassinet or the pram. Wear a baby carrier and get the dog used to you wearing it as you put their lead on.

When baby is here, you have a lot more rules to establish - for both dog and baby. Baby does not go in the dog bed, even for fun. That’s the dog’s safe space. Crawling baby won’t understand so you need to watch them and as they approach the dog bed and move them. We also do not allow the dogs to be touched if they are asleep or if they are eating/have a chew. Our toddler has started helping to put their food down but once they can have their food the toddler needs to leave the kitchen and let them eat. This is hard to enforce with a wilful toddler but it’s non-negotiable. Same with the dogs toys, the toddler isn’t allowed to play with them. They aren’t allowed to chase them and we watch them closely to make sure they understand when the dogs have had enough. All of the rules we have for our toddler around the dogs are non-negotiable and we stand really firm on them.

I was really anxious leaving my dogs to give birth. Some of that was obviously my feelings about the upcoming birth hyper focussing on something I felt I could control. They don’t get as much attention but we do make sure they get a walk with just one of us and one stays at home with the toddler. Life is also a bit more chaotic. So I remember when adolescent dog had some sort of catastrophe in the garden and cut his paw. There was blood all over the kitchen floor with a crawling baby (hopefully you won’t have an idiot dog but you never know). I was alone at home and had to try and secure baby and then bandage the dog’s paw and clean up the blood. Or when one of the dogs threw up and was trying to eat their own sick, the toddler is running by around shouting that the dog has thrown up and “can I help you mummy?”

I would worry about a puppy teething stage with kids toys lying around and hygiene with toilet training a puppy. But really important to not neglect the dogs needs when kids arrive. And small dogs don’t necessarily mean easier dogs. Research how much exercise you can give a dog and how much grooming you gave time for.

I'd say how remote having a child is for you is relevant - how old are you, how long have you been trying to conceive, are you doing IVF etc.

There's never a correct answer to things like this. We got our dog when our children weee older (9&13) but If you get a dog, make sure you pick a breed that's accommodating to children, feom a reputable breeder who knows personalities of pups too. Then get them very well trained and ensure you don't put the dog firstly as a child, secondly don't put the dog second or change their positioning in the pack once the children come. Some work well, some really don't, chose well and make sure they are very used to children and babies
Good luck

100%😂

At least an 8 week old baby can’t chew through the skirting board, drag down the curtains, piss all over the sofa and then bite your hands as an extra little “hi”!

I’ve waited almost 3 years to get to the top of the NHS IVF list. Our older rescue dog died the summer before last. My life felt too sad and lonely without a baby or a dog. We bought a puppy home last October, and she’s now 15 months. She’s the sweetest loveliest wee girl. I imagine the puppy stage would have been hard with a baby. However, I would be really careful with rescue dogs. Ours was very traumatised and took years to get over his past- which was part of the reason we got a puppy at this stage in our lives. She’s a lab/collie cross, I would totally recommend labs. I made a real effort to socialise her with friends and neighbours kids and she’s brilliant.

Infertility steals so much from you- get your dog, it sounds like you won’t regret it and husbands come round once you’ve seen a litter of puppies!

I know lots of people who have rescue greyhounds and they all have great ones that just fit in with their life. The only issue is some don’t like cats and some have really sensitive feet so can’t go on the beach for example without boots.
I’ve mainly had Labradors and I’ve had some very lively ones but all have been great. Often found sharing a bed with the cats. The only faults have been stealing food out of children’s hand. Never bit but always got the food.
Be careful with small dogs. Years ago I had a terrier and I really want another but they are often snappy (I want a working one) so I’m going to have to wait until my kids are older.
Basically something that sleeps or just sits on the sofa is ideal.