Is it just me who finds this odd?

[Threetrees745]

Imagine that you had lost a significant amount of weight and looked visibly different. You had got there through diet, giving up certain treat foods and cutting down on alcohol and starting the gym, so a full lifestyle overhaul that is hard to ignore.

Would you find it odd if close family members never mentioned noticing anything different and continued to offer/bring you unhealthy food when catching up?

It’s not odd for their food choices to stay the same, you’ve changed, that doesn’t mean they have to. It is weird for them not to comment on the changes in you though, if you’re normally close. Are they insecure and unhealthy themselves, so feel threatened by the changes you’ve made?

They might not comment because it's impolite to comment on someone else's body and it can have negative implications
They can offer you unhealthy food occasionally, you can still have it occasionally- nothing wrong with that

continued to offer/bring you unhealthy food when catching up?

I think it would be weirder if they thought "she's thinner now, we'll take some celery instead of cake". They aren't thinking about your weight when they bring food, presumably they're thinking about being a nice guest who brings the host something?

Not really. They might just think it's rude to comment on your weight. And unless I had specifically asked not to be given/offered certain types of food I wouldn't be surprised to be offered them still. You can always decline them - politely of course.

I wouldn’t comment on a relative’s weight, with the exception of my dad, who knows he is fat and would not be at all offended by somebody acknowledging that he was fat and is now less fat.

Unless you’ve specifically said “I’m no longer eating anything with added sugar / processed food / drinking alcohol” then people aren’t going to assume you’ve cut them entirely from your diet. Plenty of people continue to have “treat” food and alcohol in moderation whilst they diet, and guests typically bring biscuits or dessert or wine for the house when they visit.

I can understand that they think it's impolite to comment so fair enough, I can let that one go but they continue to offer/give even when politely asked not to and seem offended when rejected.

As far as I'm aware, in good health and a reasonable body weight for height and age so I'm not sure it's due to feeling threatened.

I'm not expecting a full discussion about it but a courtesy well done or you look nice would address the elephant (or no longer an elephant in my case) in the room.

Presumably you've lost the weight over time and it seems like you see this person regularly, so they may simply not have noticed or not realise what a big change it is.

I don't think anyone else will have noticed the change in your food choices, unless you tell them, and if they have maybe they continue to bring snacks because that's what they like.

Are they offering unhealthy food at their house or bringing you chocolates? They can host however they want, and you can choose to eat before or say no. It sounds like you're being a little rigid about it

Actually my sister was like this.

In 2006 I lost 6st. She hadn't seen me for ages, but didn't mention it at all. Bear in mind this is a woman who's obsessed with losing weight herself, who's permanently in a diet.

She then spent the whole day offering me all kinds of crap.

It's one of the many reasons I'm NC with her now.

I think you need to say that you intentionally lost weight. They might be scared for you having a bad health diagnosis and trying to be caring

If you see someone regularly gradual weight loss often goes unnoticed. It's people who only see you occasionally that spot the difference.

Do you speak about you going to the gym, eating healthily etc?

If you have told them and they don't show any interest, I'd put it down to possibly being a bit envious of your success. Well done OP for doing so well.

Tricky as it's sort of implying "you were massive, now you look great", although not so bluntly. People get a bit awkward, either that or they're jealous!

No, it's they insist that I take things away with me when I'm leaving like half a packet of biscuits, some leftovers, a bar of chocolate etc

How about you address the situation.

"That's kind of you but no thanks. I don't eat food like that anymore as I'm trying to maintain my weight loss."

I feel awkward as I think they would be offended.

People will tell you that they're jealous and trying to sabotage your lifestyle. I think its far more likely they don't see the change as anywhere near as meaningful as you do and are just carrying on as they always did, on the basis you're the same person, just weigh less now.

Say no thanks, and don't ever take it- they'll stop offering eventually

Presumably you mentioned going to the gym more and cutting out alcohol, so they may feel it has already been covered? As for still offering you food...when I go to stay with my parents my mum stocks the house with food I loved when I was 17. Perceptions become set and hard to update.

I think we are all much more aware of our own appearance than others are. I once commented on a colleague's lovely new scarf and she thanked me and asked why I thought none of our other colleagues had mentioned it - to her they must have noticed it and were deliberately not commenting, whereas I am 100% certain they were absorbed in their own stuff and hadn't noticed.

No, I think anything otherwise is rude and if hate it. I mean, if you raise the topic of your dieting and weight loss then I'd probably risk a 'wow, that's impressive, well done, or 'you look great' but otherwise I'd never comment on someone's weight as I loath it when done to me.
You say, 'have you lost weight' thinking it's a compliment but what I am hearing is ' I judge everyone I see on their weight and I thought you were fat before but now you are slightly less fat and I think you being fat was so awful I need to remark on you managing to be slightly less fat. Yay.'
I much prefer to believe people aren't really looking at me, thank you very much!
And bringing different foods would be bizarre, if you want to eat different things bring them yourself or let them know.

This 100% - commenting on anyone else’s body is not ok and it always contains some implicit judgement.

If you’re happy with personal comments just say when you’re declining a treat something about trying to keep some weight off. Once you’ve made clear the weight loss is intentional, I’m sure they will say “well done”, etc.

But the only body it’s ok to comment on is your own. So you need to be the one to bring it up.

(Think your family sound great btw!)

I don’t think the offering unhealthy food (ie asking you to take home chocolates and packets of leftover biscuits) is odd at all.
Your weight loss is a huge deal to you, but not to them. They probably just aren’t really thinking about it. Also you can diet and eat healthily but still like a treat every now and then, they aren’t to know that you don’t want it at all.

The girls and I often get together for takeaway/movie nights and there are always loads of snacks, more than we ever need. When we leave, whoever hosted will always say “oh god guys, please take these sweets and chocolates, I won’t eat them all!” And some people take a couple and others don’t. It’s no big deal. The host would probs just feel a bit rude keeping them all and thinks it’s nice to offer them out. But in these situations no one stops to think “oh is she on a diet, better not offer them to her” or “she’s given up chocolate for lent, won’t include her when offering them out.” Things just get offered, take them or don’t.

It’s really not that deep.

Also second the PP who said that your close family won’t comment on your weight because they don’t care what size body you have.

You might care - and that’s fine (it’s your body). But other people (especially loved ones) shouldn’t value you more or less based on your weight.

I think your family sound amazing - I wish more people could take heed of their respect & consideration

I absolutely resent when someone comments on my body - good or bad! I think if you talk about it first it's different, otherwise I wouldn't expect anyone to comment.

Thing is, most people would think oh @Threetrees745 is skinny now, maybe they want to eat all the unhealthy stuff.

just take it and stick it in the bin. And don’t think about it any further.