Ditching BF 50th for awards dinner?

[abigailsfs]

Feeling annoyed and need to check my feelings. One of my very close friends/best friend has told me she can’t now come to my 50th birthday dinner as she is going to a property awards dinner. She is self employed and might be up for an award. (one she self nominated for). I feel gutted she won’t be there, it’s a big Birthday and I would have thought she would prioritise me. For her 50th, I organised and paid for a private chef in her home for 27 of her friends. Not that I expected anything like that, but I least thought she would come to mine. Added to this, at no point has she acknowledged how I might be feeling, she just said what a difficult decision it is for her!
AIBU to be pissed off?

YABU, she is self employed, has a chance to win an award (no need for thr sarcasm about self nomination) and a chance to network. You're having a birthday dinner, can she not bring you out another night or meet up with you all after. It's unfortunate with the dates but it's a genuine reason.

It sounds like she has to work. Aren’t those kinds of awards dinners are the annual big networking opportunity in many fields?

I can understand why you're pissed off considering what you did for her birthday. Have you not got something else with her lined up on another day as maybe a birthday lunch / dinner?

She is self employed so I would say the awards is something really important for her, so she should attend that.

However, she should plan something special a few days later or earlier though and not just ignore the fact it's your 50th!

Have to agree with all the posts above.

YABU and not acknowledging how important this could be for her business, and that the date of it isn't something she can change, whereas she can still take you out for lunch or dinner or some other treat on another day.

I was sympathetic to the friend until property awards and self nomination were mentioned. The profession that is a home to spivs and chancers.

YANBU.

Not quite the same, but my DH is going to an awards dinner on our 10th wedding anniversary, with my blessing. He wasn't going to go but I encouraged him. This award is something he has worked for, for many years, we can do our anniversary celebrations another day.

It was so kind of you to pay for the private chef for all those people, but doing these big lovely gestures can then set you up to feel let down.

I hope you have a lovely birthday

YABVU, you'll have a birthday every year.

Unlike this awards ceremony.

You are being massively unreasonable. Let the woman do her job.

Wow, a bit entitled, aren't we? Do you realise this is an AWARD ? Something that happens once in a blue moon ? And she has also expressed how hard it's been for her, so what exactly are you expecting ? For her to beg for forgiveness?

I expect she does feel bad about letting you down.

That must have cost you a bloody fortune

I was half on your side a bit, until you started going on about how YOU did something big for HER 50th.

I think you need to do her a favour, and distance yourself from her. You don't sound like a very good, supportive friend. You seem very transactional. Well I did something for HER.... Not a good look @abigailsfs

She has to go to her awards evening its her livelihood and recognition of her achievement. As her BF you should understand this. She has acknowledged it by telling you it was a difficult decision. For what it's worth a lot of people would think it was an easy decision to pick the awards evening.

I would be upset in your situation, but I would also understand the awards thing was very important for her so would just have to accept it. I’m more shocked that you paid for a meal for 27 people for somebody else’s party. Maybe your standards / expectations are a bit different from the norm!

Most industry awards are self nominated. Who else is going to nominate you? Your competitors?

As she is possibly getting an award I wouldn’t be annoyed. So I think you are slightly unreasonable.

I hope you have a good birthday and your friend wins the award.

27 friends?!
She absolutely needs to make this up to you hugely if she is a decent friend.
If that was me and I HAD to go to the awards I would be spending the day getting ready with you first and coming straight to yours for an after party with champagne after

Unreasonable. Awards come before friends’ birthdays.

And do you actually think she should skip a professional awards ceremony where she might win one because you went a bit crazy for her birthday and feel she owes you?

Sorry about this disappointment, OP.
If this is one of those 'business awards' where people nominate themselves and have to agree that if they are shortlisted they will purchase tickets for an expensive dinner at which the winners will be announced, she might be being conned. I know of one where every single person who applied was 'shortlisted' and tickets for the compulsory event cost upwards of £150 per person. It's money for old rope for the organisers.
It's a different matter of course if only a small percentage of nominees are shortlisted, and other guests choose to pay for a table because the event is prestigious and good for networking.
Your friend might be being conned but she probably believes it will help her business and needs to take priority over anything else. Also the date will have been announced a long time ago. Maybe she'll take you out for a nice lunch instead of attending your party. Hope so. Happy birthday.

Let her go to her awards ceremony and perhaps the two of you could go out together for dinner the following night?

It's important to her and could further her career.

You may have been pretty extravagant with your gift for her birthday, but it's not a competition about who arranged and spent the most on each others birthday!

Half of these award type ceremonies are an utter nonsense especially the ones where people set nominate and then get conned into paying extra’s.

I’m not sure I could in all good conscience bail on a friend who had paid for a private chef for my birthday. I’d perhaps reevaluate the friendship it appears that she might not value you the same as you her.

I don't think people understand how these 'awards' work! Backslapping, turntaking, networking, no actual merit in it.

We used to get invited to one where if your company bought a table of tickets, you were guaranteed to win something!

I’d be pissed off. It sounds like one of those made up marketing type awards ceremonies not a genuine wow what a significant achievement one. It’s not just a run of the mill birthday it’s a 50th and you went to shed loads of effort for hers. Plus I’ve just had my own 50th and people dropping out is v stressful. So on your side here op.

For the “wow it’s an award” posters I’m self employed and delete emails from random companies suggesting I put myself up for a made up award 🙄. It’s not the Nobel peace prize

Agree with others. These property industry awards are a total con. You can choose to put yourself forward, you pay to do so and pay more to attend, then you take photos of yourself for social media saying “ oh my god I won I can’t believe it”. It can be good publicity, especially if it’s her own small business, but it’s likely she would have the same opportunity again in 6 months as they email you the chance to take part plenty of times per year.