Ditching BF 50th for awards dinner?

[abigailsfs]

Feeling annoyed and need to check my feelings. One of my very close friends/best friend has told me she can’t now come to my 50th birthday dinner as she is going to a property awards dinner. She is self employed and might be up for an award. (one she self nominated for). I feel gutted she won’t be there, it’s a big Birthday and I would have thought she would prioritise me. For her 50th, I organised and paid for a private chef in her home for 27 of her friends. Not that I expected anything like that, but I least thought she would come to mine. Added to this, at no point has she acknowledged how I might be feeling, she just said what a difficult decision it is for her!
AIBU to be pissed off?

These sort of awards are absolute bollocks. They are done to create money and I bet she has paid a stupid figure to attend.
I would be upset if a good friend did this.

And the pp whose Dh is going to a shitty “awards” ceremony on their 10th wedding anniversary! Husband of the year there 🙄

@BorderLove the vast majority of all industry awards are self nominated, however, they can be effective promotion and marketing tools particularly for small companies plus great networking opportunities

@abigailsfs as she's self employed I would give her some slack. She doesn't organise the awards and maybe her company desperately needs some publicity at the moment and can't wait until next year
Maybe you could go on a city break together?

I'm struggling to get past paying for 27 guests and a private chef. I can't imagine doing that and in my circle of friends i don't know anyone who would do this. That amount of money would make me feel quite uncomfortable

It's all relative though, isn't it?

Nothing to be uncomfortable about if you have the money to spare. Why would how someone else spends their money make you uncomfortable, if it's legal?

As regards the OP, the date of your birthday doesn't suit your friend, so make a differenct arrangement with her.

Since you went all out for her birthday I would expect that she would atleast show up to yours.. I would be miiffed too. Has she proposed something else to celebrate you? That would be the least to expect in these cricumstances. Some people have a short memory/are entitled/selfish. Not a good friend imo.

Just to be clear i meant if someone spent that on me.
If that's the norm within the group fair enough but for me it seems odd. There doesn't seem to be any other plans with this friend for OP birthday either

Agree with some of the above, there are awards and “awards”.

If she were getting an OBE then good luck to her.

Instead sounds like she’s getting “South East Norwich Estate Agent of the Year - Semi Detached Category”, i.e. some made up award she has effectively purchased by having to agree to buy a table at the event.

The “networking” benefits of these events are grossly overstated, they mostly seem to exist so people can be chores on LinkedIn touting their “award”.

Also agree. Most of these award ceremonies are just marketing people making money. There’ll be another one in a few months, no doubt.

She's being unreasonable because, as others have pointed out, the 'awards' are more than likely a load of bollocks. I'd be sending her an invoice for the private cheffing for 27 before I blocked her.

But networking is important. If this is a key event in the calendar for the fruend’s field, it’s important that she be there. No one imagines it’s the Oscars.

The OP apparently chose to do something wildly extravagant for her friend’s birthday. Why would she then require her friend to pay for this?

She is prioritising her own event over yours - which is utterly reasonable of her. Why wouldn't she?

However much you feel her event is bollocks and in no way compares to your 'special' birthday that's not what she thinks. She obviously prefers to go to the awards evening for her industry. People have every right to choose which event to attend when there is a clash, and someone else's birthday isn't really a priority for most of us.

Yabvu.

You went OTT for her birthday.

An actual award for her alone is of course a higher priority than being one of many faces at someone else's birthday.

Will there be any celebs there?

I realise the way I write my post made me sound like an arse. To contextualise, I went big on her 50th because she asked me to help her and I knew it meant a lot to her. To be honest I thought others would contribute but it didn’t work out that way. As far as my birthday is concerned, she hasn’t called me to tell me she isn’t coming, she just texted and she hasn’t suggested anything else or said sorry that she can’t make it. That’s what I find upsetting. It’s more the way it’s been handled. Thanks for all your replies.

Well if I couldn't go to one of my BF's parties, I would definitely be apologising and making different plans. That doesn't sound great @abigailsfs

There's no law against celebrating on a different date. You could change your fixture. Your friend presumably can't change hers.

Those ceremonies are awful, would never blow out an actual real life friend for something like that.

Thanks for clarifying OP. I agree it is really hurtful that she hasn’t suggested an alternative celebration for the two of you. Perhaps she still will. Offering you lunch on the day would go a long way.

I think she has to attend the award ceremony as this is to do with her career etc. The real test I think is how your friend deals with not being able to attend your birthday dinner. Will she offer to do something special with you instead, and will she buy you a lovely present?

I know you shouldn't give to receive, but you were very kind to her on her special birthday and I don't think it unreasonable for you to expect to be treated nicely in return (assuming finances allow it - I'm not saying she should match what you did £ for £ either, as if look from you update that you were let down by people there!).

*as it looks from your update...... 🙄

I can guarantee this "awards" will run every year and the person will be up for an award every year. They're just a money making enterprise.

I agree about these awards.

It's just a marketing event for everyone -you can nominate yourself every year and pay for a table and attend.

So yes they have prioritised that over you.

No sorry I think it’s a valid reason and just an unfortunate clash of dates