Gig with another woman

[sunflowershines]

I've been seeing my partner for about 6 months. He's organised to go to a gig with a female friend staying overnight in a hotel, in separate rooms.
It is just the two of them going and I feel uncomfortable about it. I've told him my concerns and he's been clear with me that they are just good friends and that I should be mature and respectful to their friendship.
AIIBU to feel uncomfortable? He treats me perfectly in every other way and has never given me any cause for worry. We are in a committed relationship so I just feel like going away with another woman is inappropriate.

Every action has a reaction.
Please don't hide your reaction.
Take those trousers up half an inch,
Plant those Prawns in his curtains.
Sometimes CHEATING is in PLAIN sight; then it's redefined as ' GASLIGHTING' and it's also TRIANGULATION.
ADMIT to yourself something is off; don't bury this into your psyche and let it fester into illness. Go on a long vacation YOURSELF, SECRETLY - Don't be that MATURE and tell him where you're going - why should you??????????

6 months in and already starting to be an issue them having a friend of the opposite sex. this early in and you’re being like this? You’re the red flag here to be quite honest.

It doesn't seem weird to me. I go to festivals with a male colleague and will be staying at his (in the spare room!) when we visit a theme park together. Nothing has or will ever happen.

LARP or reenactment?

Apparently so. Because every one just wants to jump into bed with whoever you go on holiday with

Are you invited to go also?

If not - there's your answer, there would be no reason for this to be the type of event that you are not also invited to go to - unless it's a big name gig and tickets were purchased months and months ago before you were an item and in that case, I'd probably be inclined to suck it up. It's just one of those things.

But if an extra ticket can be purchased now, or tickets were bought recently- I genuinely think there's your answer.

There's no concert or gig that I would be told I couldn't go to by my DH - no matter who he was going with and it's always been that way.

@sunflowershines

If you'd been together for some years, and were married with children, (or without children,) then I would say YANBU - and I would tell him you're unhappy with it, and there is no way it's happening.

Even if he DID know her before he met me, it would be fucking odd for my husband to go somewhere with a woman he is not related to, and stop overnight with her. LOL fuck that. Ain't happening!

But you've known him for 26 weeks. I've had food in my fridge longer than that. So YABU...

But it's different if the invite is extended but one chooses not to go because it's not their thing.

I’ve just come back from a 2 week holiday in Florida with my Male best friend who is in a new-ish relationship (6 months) we had the holiday booked before she was a thing and there was no way I was “stepping aside” or losing out on my holiday for no reason. We are JUST friends. Yes we are extremely close but there is absolutely nothing more to it. If we had wanted more we’ve had years of being single when we could have gone for it but we didn’t because we aren’t interested in eachother like that. We even shared a room on holiday because it was cheaper and you can guarantee we didn’t spend 2 weeks sober but miraculously we didn’t suddenly have personality transplants and jump into bed together.

This. My male best friend and I have been best friends since living in a shared house at uni - we're now in our 50s. We've both had partners come and go over that time (he's married now) and only one of them had a problem with it (his first post-uni girlfriend) and unfortunately he ended it with her because he did not take kindly to being dictated to about his friends. I get on brilliantly with his now-wife, who came along after we had already been friends for 25+ years, and he and my last partner were pretty good mates too, though they've not kept in touch.

Like the poster above, me and my friend also went on holiday together six months into his and his wife's relationship AND we shared a room (it was all already booked and he told her about it as soon as they got together). She went to stay with one of her mates in Scotland while we were on our trip in NZ and the four of us would FaceTime most days and fill each other in on what we'd been up to. I get this might seem quite unusual but to me it's just normal. We don't fancy each other and never have. We are friends. That's literally it. Like all my female friends, he is so important to me, we have a long, shared history and shared values. I'd be devastated if he 'gave me up' because his partner couldn't handle it.

This thread is sad in so many ways. Heartening in others.

I cannot imagine being so insecure that I'd try to ruin genuine friendships because of my own jealousy.

One night, a very beautiful woman was part of a party in our house. Far more beautiful than me, and I'm not bad at all. She stayed late, later than most. I was inside with my friend, we'd been to buy wine (kids at sister's), and I looked outside. This model like woman had attached herself to my DH. Hands on his face, body pressed to his, leaning into a kiss.

He didn't know I was home. Took her hands and moved her away from him, very violently shaking his head. Stood up, grabbed his cane, said something sharp to her and stormed inside only to see me and burst into angry tears.

She was his friend, yes. A new friend. But he didn't want her.

His female friends all heard about it (because she had been their friend), and cut her sharply out of their lives because they were disgusted. He was a married man. And he felt so upset by it, not flattered, upset.

I trust my husband. I trust his friends. And I trust him to make the right decisions.

Good guess but no

I did this exact thing with a guy I know. Known him longer than dh. You can't stop people being friends with opposite sex.

If he thinks a gig is more important than your relationship, i'd be a bit weary.
If you knew the friend really well, you might be able to relax.
If he can't see that he could upset you, again, i'd be looking for a new partner.
Don't be a doormat.
Give him space, but a night in a hotel with another woman??
Do me a favour.😉

You don’t own him.
Get a grip.

YABU
You need to be more mature or you risk losing what seems an otherwise good relationship

The sad reality is, you only don’t trust this because there’s so many men out there that would hide an affair in plain sight like this.

Probably, it’s all very normal and above board, otherwise he would’ve lied and told you he was with a work colleague - probably male. Possibly, he’s leading another life and this is his other woman. You’ll only know if that’s likely based on how he spends the rest of his time. But 6 months in if this is a shared interest friend they aren’t going anywhere. So you’ve either got to start enjoying that music, get comfortable with him doing activities with her or move on. It’s ok to not be comfortable with this and for this to be a deal breaker for you. Just because Mumsnetters say they’d be chill about this, it doesn’t mean you have to be.

I've been the 'other woman' in this scenario. In my case, I'm gay, and even if I weren't, I wouldn't be into my man friend, nor he I. We just like the same music scene and go back years. It's probably fine; it's the secrets you need to look out for.