Gig with another woman

[sunflowershines]

I've been seeing my partner for about 6 months. He's organised to go to a gig with a female friend staying overnight in a hotel, in separate rooms.
It is just the two of them going and I feel uncomfortable about it. I've told him my concerns and he's been clear with me that they are just good friends and that I should be mature and respectful to their friendship.
AIIBU to feel uncomfortable? He treats me perfectly in every other way and has never given me any cause for worry. We are in a committed relationship so I just feel like going away with another woman is inappropriate.

I wouldn't be happy at all

I had a male friend...unfortunately he died a couple of years back. We met at work and were friends for 20 years . It was always purely platonic. I was married before I met him.

I like live music, my husband not so much. My friend introduced me to a particular musician and we went to gigs together a few times, often with a meal/drink. No need for a hotel as the gigs were in London where we both lived. However if the situation was different it may have been separate hotel rooms.

My husband was friends with him too and trusted both of us. My husband had a work colleague that he had a good friendship with, again purely platonic. While he didn't see her after work for a drink as she had kids and they both drove home from work, I know I could have trusted him if they did and wouldn't have had an issue with it.

I think I am an anomaly here as I'd rather go to a gig with dh than with a male friend tbh. Why aren't you invited?

Who is the woman, how long have they known each other, how did they meet, what keeps their friendship going? I..e do they have a niche common interest or do they just really really like each other?

What does their friendship look like away from this trip? How often are they in touch? How often do they see each other? Is it always just the two of them or are you or other friends sometimes included in plans?

Why aren't you going on this outing? Would you want to if invited?

I agree with everyone here who will insist men and women can be friends, but I think a friendship which is exclusively just the two of them is unusual, whatever the sex, and probably not a regular friendship.

Is she good looking?

I bet she is

I'd be really pissed off that I wasn't invoted then arrange to go out clubbing with a male friend to see how your dp likes it....don't invite him...say you've been planning it for ages.

What is this obsession that everyone wants to sleep with their opposite sex friends?
Can I just ask, as someone who is bisexual, should I not have friendships with anyone male or female who is in a relationship?
I have platonic friends of both sexes 🤷‍♀️. If their partner tried to stop them going on a night out with me I would be shocked and so would they!

I think you’re being unreasonable. DH has female friends who he’s known much longer than me. He does go to gigs with one in particular - we have different taste in music so saves me having to sit through it or him going on his own (which he sometimes does).

Bet you he wouldn't like it though.

If, 6 months in, you feel this insecure with no reason, this is a you problem

It wouldn't bother me.

If your partner is that likely to cheat on you that you don't dare let them go to a gig with a woman in case he shags her, it sounds like a doomed relationship anyway.

It's not the "having friends" that's an issue, it's having a very close friend, the kind who you arrange overnight trips with.

E.g. going with a mixed group is entirely different to going with one "friend". Having a friend who also joins you as a couple or a group sometimes is different to having a friend who you only ever see 121.

What if the tickets were booked before the relationship? I have bought tickets a year in advance for loads of stuff.

I do that with friends of both sexes. I have a friend who I go to gigs with, a friend who I play tennis with and even a friend who I go on holidays with!

So @Whu, to answer your question, no, as you are bisexual, you are not allowed a close friend that you see a lot on a 121 basis.

opposite sex friendships are never merely platonic no matter all the protestations here.

I suppose I've slept with my male best friend without noticing then?

We've been friends when we were both single - if we wanted to be together, or even just to have sex, we would have done so already. I'm not interested, and over the many many years of friendship there has never been the slightest sign that he is either.

I didn't say "a lot", I said only ever. i.e. you don't want your partner to ever meet or to ever to mix in a group.

What’s funny?

Would you invite them to your birthday party where your partner and other friends are? I always think that's the test of these "platonic" relationships. Does your partner know them, even if you don't spend much time all together?

I'd be more judgmental about the band they were going to see, assuming it was not one I'd want to see, to be honest.

Exactly. I could have shagged my best mate at any time in the years before we were both married- our relationship is older than our marriages…

Except we have never had any desire to!

I don’t know what’s wrong with people who can’t manage to have a friendship without sex, but it’s a shame for them.

If my partner started telling me who I was/wasn't allowed to go to a gig with, I'd leave him.

opposite sex friendships are never merely platonic no matter all the protestations here.

Of course they can be. Just because you don't believe it, doesn't make it untrue. People can have different opinions to you. Not everyone thinks the same, and not everyone here is a liar.

in a nutshell. But these threads always get dozens of replies from cool wives who are so terribly cool and secure they're happy for their husbands to share a bed as well as room with their opposite sex friend.