To say I wouldn't leave my 2 year old child with someone they didn't know - an agency nanny

[KnittingKnewbie]

The viewpoints on another thread are so far from what I considered "an obvious truth" I have to ask.
Would you leave a young child, a two year old, with an agency nanny you and they have never met before? For a social occasion, not a medical emergency?
Think no other childcare, rather than life or death situation.
Personally I would only leave my child with a very small number of people - one grandparent alone. Other Grandparents as long as an aunt/uncle of the child also there (grandparents are old). Mine and DH siblings - 2 or 3 out of all of them.
Friends - in a medical emergency, not for a night out.

YABU - I would definitely leave my child with an agency sitter they didn't know
Yanbu - I wouldn't leave my child with an unknown sitter, I'd skip the night out

No. My children were left with grandparents and, now they are considerably older than two, occasionally they go to stay with a friend. I would happily leave them with a couple of my friends and one of my siblings but have never needed to.

Almost literally over my dead body would I have left either of my children at two years old with a stranger, however well vetted. One (with SEN) barely coped with a beloved grandparent for an hour and would have been absolutely traumatised (as would the stranger to be honest!). The other would probably have been upset at the time but with no lasting damage.

I realise there are people who don’t have grandparents etc or another parent for whom it might be necessary, but surely at very least you cultivate a relationship with a regular babysitter so your kids get to know them rather than employing a stranger.

No way in the world. It’s not a case of whether they are DBS cleared I would need to know their character and trust them to take care of my child.

My DC were only ever with DM when very young and they are have a very close relationship to this day. DC also had the same nanny for 5 years who I interviewed really rigorously before she joined us.

I had a situation where I really needed a sitter and my only regular person wasn't available so she recommended a friend. The friend was booked to arrive about an hour early and that was all the contact she had with toddler twins. It was a very difficult situation but I was very stuck. The regular sitter had talked her through so much before I had even met her so that reassured me. I was a bit anxious all night but got zero sympathy just a few eye rolls telling me to stop worrying, which I thought was a bit harsh in the circumstances, I'm not a fussy mum and would have been relaxed with the regular woman.

It wouldn’t cross my mind to do it. I have trust issues and I know I wouldn’t enjoy a night out if they were with a stranger.
Saying that, a niece of mine does agency babysitting, and she’s perfectly lovely.

I wouldn't just find a random baby sitter on Facebook or a baby sitter finder app no way.

I trust my sister to have him or DH mum and if they can't I have 2 amazing clients who work in nursery's and are fully trained..they've been clients of mine for years and id trust them to come around and look after baby for a few hours (not overnight as I don't think I could cope!!)

That's the only people I'd ever trust to have him.

We have left our children to an agency nanny at a hotel and went to the theatre. Not abroad but another city than home.
No regrets.
The nanny was an adult in her 30' with an education in children And lots of experience. It's wasn't cheap but it worked great. Talked to the agency office about age and needs of the children.

I haven't but I would use a hotel nanny/holiday club employee that I didn't know but was employed/known to the establishment rather than self employed.
Would expect them to meet the child first and build a bit of a rapport.
My child isn't clingy and loves new people, I would expect someone who works with children to be very good at relating to kids and quickly building enough trust.
Not overnight, but so I could have a nice dinner in peace down the road or in the hotel. I wouldn't drink (much).

There was that crazy brother’s overseas wedding thread a month or so ago - the poster and her family had been invited to her brother’s wedding in Australia (where he lived) and only once they had booked and paid for the tickets did her DBro announce that her two young kids weren’t invited or even allowed onto the property the wedding was being held at, the suggestion being that she leave two preschoolers in a hotel in Sydney with a random babysitter off the internet for several days, while she and her DH travelled a few hours away to this hotel in the Blue Mountains for the multi-day wedding. And her family thought she was being unreasonable for telling him to fuck off.

I kind of hope she was a troll, because that is such an unreasonable suggestion it seems unbelievable.

Wasn't a hotel/holiday employee but a nanny from a childcare agency. We paid the agency.
She had dinner with us. Helped the children to bed at the hotel and sat with them 3 hours. We were 15 min away. No regrets.

Yanbu - i still wouldn’t now they’re much older.
Family usually but would use friends.

I would never. My children would have all found that upsetting at that age, and I'd not be able to trust someone I don't know with them. There's very few people I've left mine with though.

Not that simple.

Depends on the agency, how stringent are their checks.

Depends on the child, are they ok being handed over to strangers, some are and some very much are not.

If I was certain the agencies checks were solid and the person experienced, and the child not the sort to give a crap, I might, in some circumstances.

But otherwise, probably not no. It's not as if they're that little forever!

The agency many bit yes I would be fine with

Paying more for child care than I would probably spend on an event itself no, if speaking on a 'fun' event

So if it costs no I am not interested

I used to babysit from aged 14. The first few jobs were friends of parents but after that it escalated to anyone that sort of knew the friends of friends. I knew I was trust worthy but I didn't really know anything about looking after children. So they really did go for the word of mouth and trust me.

I have a dbs check now, and host foreign students. I no longer need babysitters but don't think I'd just trust someone from the internet!

However, my marriage did break down and we got divorced. One reason was not having a life after kids and we didn't really have family support and I didn't want to trust randoms. So, I do think maintaining a healthy relationship after kids is good, and that does mean making time for the other half. Would I still be married if I did let the kids stay with an unknown babysitter and made more time for me and the ex. Who knows, but I can now see why people make that choice (ex is now remarried, they have kids and go out frequently and seem much happier than I was with him).

Yes, we don't have any local family support and have had to use babysitters from a local agency to cover work commitments/hospital appointments/school events for the older child. Of course we'd rather have family or trusted friends babysitting, but it's often a 'needs must' situation. Not everyone has a village on call.

I wonder if it’s generational- my parents assumed I would be fine with this when mine were 3&5 with an agency sitter when we went on holiday with them (uk) in order to go out for a meal. We were fortunate that we have friends who help each other out at home and older teenage children who we know well who help us. I haven’t ever left children in kids clubs on holidays though either because I love playing with my children! They are now 8&10 so I would feel differently but at 2 no chance

I do this occasionally and make sure the agency vetted the people, ask for references etc. Am I supposed to have no life whatsoever?

Yeah, this. I thought the OP was about a nanny from a nanny agency - like Norland or similar - not some rando from the local Facebook page? I get that some parents are too nervous, or their DC too challenging, to readily trust anybody at all with them, but half the replies seem to be about babysitters not qualified, agency-represented nannies.

"...was conferencing"
🤣🤣🤣😡😡😡😡😡

We use norland when we travel to the UK. And we have trusted agencies in other countries we normally travel to. Hotels/ resorts also recommend agencies they work with (and are very stringently vetted)- we’ve had amazing experience with those. But wouldn’t go on Facebook or a website and trust a random from there.

I have a couple of nannies who work locally who I use for babysitting if our nanny is unavailable. I interview them, check DBS, references and first aid then know I can call on them if I want an evening out. I presume you can do the same with agency nannies. I do the same in hotels when I use their nannies, I don't see a problem with this and my daughter is absolutely fine with it (it helps that we allow them to break the screen time rules).

You're asking this from the enviable standpoint of someone who has lots of family. Those of us who have zero family support have to select other options like friends (which you say you'd never do) and professional babysitters. I don't see that a vetted and insured nanny is much different to a childminder or nursery but perhaps you don't approve of them either.

I wouldn’t leave my DC with an unknown agency sitter, but we have no close by family so we do use babysitters but ones from the nursery DS goes to so they’re known to us.

Many of these posts point up the need for a network. That came more naturally in more relaxed times.

When I was a teenager I made what then seemed a lot of money minding children I knew while their parents went out, and being referred by those families to new families.

With the new families, typically the SAHM mum would have me over for a paid childminding session while she was at home in the first instance. Life in my home country was slower then. Now and particularly in the UK or America, finding the time for this feels like one more stress.

However I despair whenever I read of a MumsNetter writing that she(?) won’t leave the DC with anyone except perhaps her own mother, because everyone with young DC is just one emergency away from needing a network of carers. The choice should not be between a beloved DGM and a stranger.

All babysitters we hire do a couple of sessions with us in the house first. I would never choose to leave DC with someone unknown. Due to circumstances we only have family babysitters a handful of times.