Exhausted with newborn - when does it get easier?

79 replies

BabyMama889 · 28/10/2024 15:24

I just need to hear what I can hope for.

I have a 10 week old baby. He's gorgeous but I'm falling apart. The sleep deprivation is a killer. I thought I would start exercising a bit or socialising by now but I'm SO tired. PGP still lingering so long walks are painful. I just spend all day crying and feeling like an abject failure. I know you're meant to speak to the baby but I don't want to. I'm totally overwhelmed so I just breastfeed him, change his nappies etc but I can't do more. And I can’t sleep in the day. I just can't. Never could and now it's even harder. When the baby goes down I'm so overstimulated, I need time to wind down. But he has no schedule. He may sleep for 10 minutes, an hour, 3 hours. You never know.

I spent my whole pregnancy suffering with sickness, PGP and itching from cholestatis. The PGP was so bad from 24 weeks, I was essentially house bound. I didn't think things could get worse.

My only 2 friends with babies LOVED the newborn stage and went travelling at 8 weeks (I don't think I could even spell my name to buy an airline ticket right now). They keep telling me how newborns are the best but if this is the best it gets, etc what have I done???? I'm not cut out for this.

OP posts:

AnnaCBi · 30/10/2024 22:30

I found it relentless until 12 weeks, I felt like I was so close to losing my mind. At 12 weeks I started to get a good routine. By 16 weeks she was sleeping 8-5 and I felt human.

Soitis83 · 30/10/2024 22:33

BabyMama889 · 30/10/2024 16:07

Thank you everyone. I was at absolute breaking point when I posted and spent all of Monday crying and suicidal. I finally texted DH on Monday afternoon to spell out how much i was struggling, I really wanted to die and was about to do something stupid, he left work immediately and I went out with friends for coffee. I made an effort to go out to a mum group coffee morning and it really helped.

Between that and baby actually sleeping a whole extra hour on Monday night, I feel like a different person now.

I think on Friday night I'll go sleep in a different room so i can get better quality sleep. Baby is a good sleeper,better than most newborns, but somehow I wake constantly listening out for him so i need to step away for a bit.

DH is now more clued up, I told him how I just can't relax and need him to take over for a bit, even if I'm there, so that I don't feel that I have to be the first responder all the time. He will do stuff if asked but I explained it's really stressful to sit there until I tell him to change a nappy or pick him up when baby is about to cry.

I think it really scared DH and he seems more proactive now. To be fair, I am a perfectionist and very good at masking. I never discuss any issues, especially emotional ones, until I am at breaking point. I shut down entirely and that's always been a problem for me.

A bit frustrating DH didn't anticipate some of these things (he's an adult, he can see/smell a nappy needs changing) but that's where we are.

Thank you for everyone's advice.

Amazing ❤️

JustBrowsingTheWeb · 30/10/2024 22:33

Gina ford the contented baby, worked for me. Not all babies are the same don’t worry about ur friends xx

AngryBookworm · 30/10/2024 22:39

It's completely understandable to be struggling at this stage. It's a huge life change and you've just gone through immense physical challenge (still going through it I'm sure). Babies are different but so are people, so it's completely normal that one person might struggle more than another - you're not a failure, you're a brilliant person who's keeping a tiny vulnerable human alive after nine months of physical pain. That physical pain will have emotional impacts as will the sleep deprivation. Articulating your struggles and discussing with your DH is really important and well done to you for keeping yourself safe. Look after yourself OP - this too shall pass.

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