DP friends with people much younger, then “hanging out” in her room

[Blinkandgone]

Hi all, my DP is 26, I’m 30. In a lot of ways he seems a lot younger than me, for example I have a 3 year old, he has no children. Our lives are also just very different, he lives in a zone 1 house share while I’m out in Essex with my own little house. We’ve been together 6 months and increasingly it feels like it won’t last.
Heres the latest situation, his workplace has taken on a few degree apprentices and grads this year, there’s only maybe 40 people in his office and they are all quite social. Until lately his friends from work have been younger but not by much think around 23-25. However he’s now befriended 2 of the degree apprentices who are 18 and 19 and a grad who’s 21. It feels odd to me that he’s friends with people who are barely adults but it’s the nature of his office so okay.
On Thursday a group of them went drinking after work, he and one other were older guys 26 and 29, then a bunch of younger girls at 24,24,22,21,19 and 18. The other guy is dating one of the girls so that didn’t seem as weird but to me it was odd he was with these much younger girls.
Then on Friday he was chatting to me and he was telling me how one of these girls must me super rich, I was like how do you even know? And he told me that the work drinks stopped at 8, they got a cab back to hers, he waited in her room while she got changed, then they walked back a little more central and got more drinks - she’s 18!! In fact I found her instagram she’s barely been 18 3 months!!
It’s so odd to me that he was just sat on some 18 year olds bed at her parents home while she got changed then went for drinks with her alone! And that’s on top of the being friends with all the much younger girls.

AIBU to think it’s weird? He thinks I’m making it weird and he was just drinking with a friend but she’s a child more or less!

How does OP know the dynamics of the night out?
Her partner sat in a woman's bedroom while she changed her clothing . He says she was in the en suite.
He went drinking in a 4 some with the same woman and his friend and a woman friend.
How does OP know the dynamics of the situation? She only knows what her bf tells her.
I wouldn't be happy about it even if she believes his account of the dynamics.

My daughter is 18 and there’s no way any random man is going in her room let alone a 26 year old! Very weird indeed.

He sounds like a creep really. My dd is 21 and there’s no way she’d be hanging out with someone that much older than her when she was 18/19.

You’re in a completely different life stage than him. I’d just finish it and let him be creepy on his own. Not your problem then.

I agree. Also, her college have a safeguarding responsibility towards her. If someone on the staff hear that a male 26 year old at a placement has been hanging around in an 18 year olds bedroom a few weeks after the start of her course then they may raise it with the company. He is in a position of power over effectively a student who's course depends on her employer being happy with her progress- especially in a company with inly 30 employees.

He can be friends with any age. I’m 50 and my work mates are 70 to 24. Yes we all go out occasionally.

not sure about her getting changed in the same room. That seems a step too far but of course it depends if it was just a change of jacket or a full change.

Most businesses have rules on younger employees and are much more conscious of safeguarding young adults, especially apprentices. He needs to be very careful imo.

In a work place dynamic there's lots of ages. But breaking off from the group with a very young trainee isn't sensible even putting aside the relationship. He sounds quite immature on that score
Regarding his behaviour, he's done that classic behaviour of behaving unreasonably and telling you so you end up questioning yourself.
You have a young child, please find a grown up, mature adult to be with.

I think you're very naive, OP. You and he are at completely different stages in your life. He has far more in common with those young women than he does with an older woman who has a child.

Yeah, I wouldn't like this. And if I was the 18 year old girl's parents, I'd be like 'who the fuck is the weirdo in our daughter's room?'

I would break up the relationship as he wouldn't be compatible with me.

There is a lot of boundary blurring going on here.

After the work drinks ended, he was 1:1 with this young woman from 8:00 to shortly before 3:00 am? 7 hours. They taxied to hers where he waited on her bed, which was over-familiar. They walked to his for him to change and then made a night of it, like a date.

@Blinkandgone, this immature guy really enjoys the validation he gets from this ‘super rich’ teenage apprentice, as well as from the carefree party culture prevalent at his work.

You are in a totally different place - adulting and parenting your little son. I wouldn’t be interested in continuing this relationship. He wouldn’t be right for me.

When I was 25 I had a few friends on their gap years via work that I'd go out drinking and partying with - I didn't find it that strange I felt like a big sister in some ways but we both had that uni style party student kind of attitude so it worked. I was also friends with 30+ people that that point (but they were usually child free).

Sorry some of the replies on this are ridiculous.
I work in a similar sized office, I'm friends with everyone from 18-67! I don't see why anyone thinks he's coming across predatory, and I highly doubt his work place will care that 2 adults and choosing to hang out together outside work! I have a feeling the people thinking it's weird have never worked in a similar sized office where there just isn't enough people of your own age to only talk to them!
As for the night out, I've been for work drinks many times which have ended with a couple of people staying later than everyone else. If she had an ensuite and he was just sat on her bed looking away I don't think that's weird. I also don't understand the "I wouldn't let my 18 year old have a 26 year old in her room". Who has that much control of their 18 year old? Who says her parents even know and that it wasn't a case of slipping in and out quickly while they were in the kitchen
Etc?

Is it appropriate for him considering he's in a relationship - well that's for you to decide OP. It wouldn't matter if she was 18 or 34, if you aren't happy with him being in another girls room or solo drinking with her then you are right to be upset and talk to him about that. However I don't really see why you're with him.

He doesn't appear to be serious and may not be monogamous. You are 30 with the responsibility of a child and a house. He is not ready for this as his behaviour is indicating. Up to you what you do, but he's not a keeper.

Disregard everything else a second. He was in another woman's bedroom.

Whatever the case may be, this is not a good sign. As the adult he should've waited outside of her home. He should've never been in her bedroom. Older men like to groom younger women and I am not saying that this is what he was doing but I remember when my ex introduced me to a friend "like a little sister", he begin seeing her behind my back, the age gap was over 23 years apart. I was disgusted. It didn't help that he turned out to be narcissistic. Please be careful. That was disrespectful to you and the fact that he thought it was okay says a lot about his morals. Sorry to sound like a Debbie Downer but you have to teach people how to treat you. If you shrug it off it may happen again, if you mention it again he may say that you're insecure (that is so he can continue doing what he wants) it is your life and your choice on whether you want to continue to have fun with him or eventually have your heart broken. He doesn't seem ready to be in a healthy relationship.

He is in a shared house. You have your own house. Respite! If she were 30 and he waited in her room while she changed then went for drinks with her, would that be acceptable?. He's finessing you. If you enjoy his company then friendzone him. See how much he appreciates your company without the use of your home.

I just think you are at totally different places in your life and in terms of life experience and responsibilities and needs you are decades older than him. He may or may not be up to anything but I agree with your feeling that this relationship is not likely to last.

In a way then, I suppose it doesn't matter much, if it's a casual thing?

Op I'll be alright just double check he didn't show her his pipe and you'll be all good he's probably not interested if he likes older women.

You sound pretty juvenile yourself, to be honest, OP, with the whole listing the exact ages of your boyfriend’s colleagues.

@Blinkandgone, what are you thinking about it all now?

He's 26, he can get away with being part of the younger crowd, and he's embracing it, just as I would! 30 is different. Perhaps, you're just un-matched

I was very different at 30 to when I was 26. I think he's behaving in a fairly typical way of a 26 year old.

You just sound incompatible - no-one's in the wrong here, you just live different lives and are at very different life stages.

I dont find the mix of ages that odd, however going back to a girl's room whislt she's changing is really not on. But also how do you know all their ages, do you quiz him?