DP friends with people much younger, then “hanging out” in her room

[Blinkandgone]

Hi all, my DP is 26, I’m 30. In a lot of ways he seems a lot younger than me, for example I have a 3 year old, he has no children. Our lives are also just very different, he lives in a zone 1 house share while I’m out in Essex with my own little house. We’ve been together 6 months and increasingly it feels like it won’t last.
Heres the latest situation, his workplace has taken on a few degree apprentices and grads this year, there’s only maybe 40 people in his office and they are all quite social. Until lately his friends from work have been younger but not by much think around 23-25. However he’s now befriended 2 of the degree apprentices who are 18 and 19 and a grad who’s 21. It feels odd to me that he’s friends with people who are barely adults but it’s the nature of his office so okay.
On Thursday a group of them went drinking after work, he and one other were older guys 26 and 29, then a bunch of younger girls at 24,24,22,21,19 and 18. The other guy is dating one of the girls so that didn’t seem as weird but to me it was odd he was with these much younger girls.
Then on Friday he was chatting to me and he was telling me how one of these girls must me super rich, I was like how do you even know? And he told me that the work drinks stopped at 8, they got a cab back to hers, he waited in her room while she got changed, then they walked back a little more central and got more drinks - she’s 18!! In fact I found her instagram she’s barely been 18 3 months!!
It’s so odd to me that he was just sat on some 18 year olds bed at her parents home while she got changed then went for drinks with her alone! And that’s on top of the being friends with all the much younger girls.

AIBU to think it’s weird? He thinks I’m making it weird and he was just drinking with a friend but she’s a child more or less!

You say you're having fun and enjoy his company, but that's outweighed by the stress you're feeling about his lifestyle.

It's been 6 months. Do yourself and your child a favour and end this, you don't need the stress. You'll find someone better suited. This isn't all you're worth.

My husband is younger than me. He had no children whilst I did. It worked in the early days because we share the same values - he's about family and loyalty and wanted to spend his spare time with me - not out on the drink with his work mates.

There is someone out there who is perfect for you, and will make you happy and not stress you out. I promise.

Throw this one back.

My husband is 28 and often feels people 25 and less are soooo much younger, I feel much the same! Sure you can have female friends if you're a guy, but hanging out in their bedroom on your own? Maybe not!

He was in her room while she got changed??? And he essentially went on a double date with her and another couple?
It sounds as though he has a lot more than a working relationship with her.
I think you should let him get on with things and find someone else OP if you are looking for an exclusive relationship.

Why would he wait in her bedroom while she got changed? Was she getting changed in the same room?

Why wouldn't he wait in the kitchen/living room?

But weird to go into a colleagues bedroom...

Not sure where you got the double date from, they were out with lots of work friends (including a couple), then work drinks finished, he, another work friend and her decided they were going to get more drinks. He and the girl live north from the office, other friend west so he went with the girl in a cab, back to hers, she got changed in her ensuite while he sat on her bed then they walked back towards his, he got changed, then they went for more drinks (he got home at like 3am?). The other girl bailed on them after she got home.

Apparently she lives with her parents and she didn’t want him to feel like he had to talk to them, so she told him to go to her room with her, she had an ensuite and got changed in there.

Sounds pretty casual to me. You’re having fun with someone that you know isn’t going to be long term, he probably feels the same way, a ‘good while it lasted’ fling…🤷‍♀️

He was in her room whilst she got changed and then they went out drinking alone together? wtf

OP I would do yourself a favour and find someone older. 26 imo is still young and whilst I was in a long term relationship at that point so many of my friends weren't and were still in party mode. You had a kid and a house and he's in a house share and partying. You are in different places.

Please ditch him, you two are poles apart in life stages. I really don't think he should be in a relationship with someone who has a child, he's far too young himself. I really can't see this working out between you.

You are very quick to defend him and his behaviour OP.
If you don't have a problem with him socialising like this then fair enough.
Just let him get on with him enjoying his life.
I thought the point of the thread was that you weren't happy with him socialising with all these young women?
He is obviously enjoying the new dynamic at his workplace to the full.

I'd dump him. 26 is probably too old to be hanging round with 18 year olds but he sounds quite immature. He's probably thinking he's still young, which he is, but he's nearer to 30 now and wants a relationship with a woman who has a child. I can't see him providing you with what you need in a relationship. If you're looking for something long term then I don't see the point in carrying this on because you'll only get more drawn in and hurt when it's over, even if it's just fun for now.

I get that hanging out with an 18yo seems weird to you as a 30yo with a house and a child etc. But he is younger than you and at a different life stage...26 and still living in a houseshare etc. If the 18yo was still at school, I agree that it would be weird, but they are colleagues so I don't think it's that unusual. Especially as young women are typically more mature than young men in any case. Plus an 8 year gap really isn't that different from a 4 year gap imo, it's more about where people are in their lives at any given time.

So I don't think there is necessarily anything weird about the friendship, but if your gut is telling you that there is something more to it than just friendship, then you're probably right. Either way, it seems that you don't really trust him so maybe time to move on?

When I worked in similarly sized offices we socialised across age ranges and there were friendships with big age gaps - even mixed sex ones, but it’s the waiting in an 18 yr old’s bedroom that is ‘off’ and your bf just having a completely different lifestyle to you.

Ok that doesn't sound as bad as it did in your OP, where it did sound really quite dodgy, but it still doesn't sound good for a man in a relationship. Friendships across age groups is quite normal in work environments, one of the people I get on best with at work is 13 years younger than me, but it sounds like he's not the right fit for you. If it really is just a casual thing for you then that's fine, carry on and have fun, otherwise maybe end it because you are questioning things and there's usually a reason for that, even if you're not sure what the reason is, maybe just a gut feeling.

He's scoping out a replacement and checking if you're going to be a "cool girl" about it. Personally if you're still having fun ok, keep goingif you want, but I'd keep an eye on it and be the dropper rather than the dropped.

It doesn't seem that (on the face of it) he's done anything wrong. But I feel the issue is the difference between you regarding lifestyles. The question is, do you see this as a long term thing or just a bit of fun? Is he on the precipice of wanting to settle down? What you're wanting and what he's prepared to give may be two different things and if that's the case it may be worth breaking it off.

I think a male of 26 is emotionally nearer to a female of 20 than 30

Could it be that the company just don't hire young male apprentices but they stand a chance of a job if they have the qualifications

I think you should cut your losses before you're in too deep emotionally. You're at very different life stages. You're a parent. He's immature.

I just don't think you're at the same life stage.

He's in a zone 1, party after work with interns and grads stage, and you are settled in Essex with a child and all the responsibilities that comes with.

When you do meet, what do you actually do? His life or yours?

His company is risking a sexual harassment claim by allowing its employees to cross the many lines they appear to be crossing.

There's a very troubling and quite disgusting company culture going on where younger women in positions where they have no standing and no status are apparently seen as fair game. Are these young women in a position to turn down lecherous male employees without risking their apprenticeships or internships?

I think you need to find someone else to have fun with. And someone needs to tip off his HR department that they have a problem on their hands.

I'm surprised that someone who is as hung up on age as this OP would be dating a bloke 4 years younger than her when she so objects to him being out in a mixed group of colleagues including women who are only 2 years younger than him.

The bedroom scenario is a different matter but you two sound like you are at totally different life stages and you are looking for a more pipe and slippers kinda guy, which clearly isn't this one. So set him free. There's someone out there for both of you.

I think you need to cut your losses now. I’m sure he’s lovely but is it possible he just reminded you of a more care free time in your life? Post college life, being selfish, finding your feet as an adult.. fine for a day or a weekend, but it doesn’t sound like you’re on the same page relationship-wise. His life is not your reality.

He’s in a house share with minimal responsibilities, life is fun and easy going and everyone’s going for drinks in the city after work…. you’re managing a household and are responsible for a child. Your lives are just at completely different stages.

He's closer in maturity to the 18-21 year olds than he is to a 30 year old woman with a child!

i didn't read it as defending him, just clarifying when another poster got the dynamics of the night out wrong.