AIBU to feel I should have been invited? ***edit by MNHQ to say this is a reverse***

[checkeredboards]

I get along well with my in-laws and I always feel included and part of the family. We live about 3 hours away from my family and about 20 minutes away from my PILs. We have a great marriage. Been married for 8 years now. I recently had my PILs and SIL over for cake for my husband's 30th birthday. Well MIL presented him with concert tickets for his birthday and said out loud, "I bought you, your dad, me, and your younger sister concert tickets so we can all go see this band that we all love together in concert yayy." I'm thinking in my head MIL prob just forgot to mention me by name because surely there's no way his mum forgot to include me in this as I would be the only family member left out and we don't have a rocky relationship we get along very well and it would be way out of character for her. But nope she didn't include me. She went on to say how excited she was to do this for the four of them.

My husband was like thanks mum I'm super excited. Which I was pretty pissed at him that he right away didn't stand by me and immediately ask what about my wife. I told him later on that I was pretty pissed because I felt like it's one thing for his parents not to think of and include me but it's a whole other layer of hurt when husband doesn't even think of me. I couldn't help myself and muttered pretty loudly so I could make sure they heard, "thanks for including and thinking of your son's closest family member you know his wife the woman he married." I mentioned that this is very clearly a celebration centered around the four of them and I was going to leave them to it. His mom said how of course I'm part of the celebration and I said well right now it doesn't really feel like I'm part of it. That's the time I felt like my husband should have supported me. I'm the one he married and lives with. He just stood there like a dumb man shrugging his shoulders. Not literally speaking but figuratively speaking.

I felt like if they couldn't afford 5 concert tickets ok fine but there was so many ways around that where I wasn't completely left out. They could have given my husband money towards the concert ticket based on what they could afford and said, "hey for your birthday I want to go to a concert as a family please put this money towards you and your wife's concert ticket." Or they could have made it just a mother son night or a father son not that way not everyone in the family is included but his own wife! Especially like I said this is sooo out of character because his parents are not the type at all to not consider others feelings or how things may look or come across.

AIBU to feel hurt and left out by the actions of my MIL and also even more hurt that my husband wasn't immediately like what the hell what about my wife? I mention MIL specifically because I know she is the present buyer for the family and she is the one who presented the tickets during the celebration. If FIL was the one who bought the family presents and presented the tickets I would have said him instead of MIL.

I feel like MIL was going back in time where their family was just the four of them but now her son is married and family functions should include his wife.

WOW! You have gone about this completely the wrong way but I understand why you've done it - you just could have done it very differently!! Before I read the reverse post, I was going to say that I know of an adult girl friend who goes to a concert with her parents and sister - no spouses invited - which is cute. Not something I would do but I can see why they do it. BUT the MIL should have asked about dates and told the DIL about it first so her nose wasn't pushed out - I suspect she would have been OK with it had she known beforehand.

Now I know its a reverse, I think you just need to speak with your son and say that you miss him and would like more time with him. He is well within his right to say no, he's married now and his wife is part of his family - but I suspect he won't. I would suggest going to lunch with him once a month, just the 2 of you.

What is the point in posting on here if you are not going to listen? Everyone is telling you that you are being not only unreasonable, but bratty and controlling. This isn’t a big get together that you have been excluded from. This is two parents taking their two children to a concert as a birthday present. I hate to break it to you, but you are not their child and they do not have to include you in every little thing they do. Yet you still think you are right and EVERYONE else is wrong. Time to reflect and stop being a bully.

I agree with you. If they want to go as a four, it would have been nice to check with you first that you didn't mind. The family should be expanded to include you now. I've been in your shoes, know how you feel.
Treat yourself to something nice on the concert day x

Concert tickets are very expensive. For even a relatively inexpensive concert by today’s standards they might have spent over £200 on four tickets. You are being a bit of a brat.

@checkeredboards
Just so you know that my FIL wanted a 'family meal' for his 70th - which me and my DH thought that I had been invited.

His DPs then clarified it was just for his DC not wives. I'll be honest, I was really pissed off, made to feel 'less than'
That was the moment that I realised that they would never see me as part of 'their family.'

Since then, I have always kept myself just slightly aloof, it's a shame. I could have been made to feel welcome. It's also a shame for them as they have 3 sons who are all shit at organising get togethers. The wives are much better at this, but none of us feel inclined to organise events all that often.

I can’t even lie and say I’d not be annoyed as I would be too. It’s the way it’s done so you feel left out. I went through years of purposely being left out - and it was very IN character of my MIL but now she wouldn’t… she would always now say ‘would the two/four (if including kids) of you like to do this?’

What are you 5? Cmon OP. Give your head a wobble and just appreciate that your MIL actually gives a shit. I think that’s a lovely thing to do and you don’t need to go to everything with your DH.

I think I would feel left out too, but the way you've responded means YABU. They might have completely different values and ideals about what is OK and what isn't. Until that party, they might have had no idea you would feel this way. You can't punish someone for buying a gift in a slightly thoughtless way. Is your SIL married or with a significant other? I'm guessing her partner, if there is one, is also not included, so this means it is not a personal slight against you.
In an ideal scenario, you would have waited til after the party, spoken to DH and said "I feel a bit left out that they didn't get me a ticket too." Then maybe he would offer to speak to MIL, or maybe he wouldn't. But now you've been this passive aggressive DIL who they probably see as the bad guy. Not sure what you can do at this point.

OMG. Just found out this is a reverse. I think my comment still stands, if DIL did react in that way she would be unreasonable, but given MIL actually wrote this it seems to me that MIL is definitely BU and, in fact, extremely controlling. And it seems you did this to deliberately exclude your DIL, so she has a right to be annoyed with you.

This thread is giving me flashbacks to my childhood and trying to get my head around the storyline in Dallas in the 80s when Pam woke up from her dream and Bobby was in the shower but it’s spin off show ‘Knots Landing’ had also shown several episodes dedicated to Bobby’s death with Val and Gary Ewing actually naming one of their new born twins ‘Bobby’ in his honour. So did Pam also dream the entire season of Knots Landing too? I had completely forgotten this until now

The responses on this thread are so fucking weird. Of course it's horrendously rude of them to arrange a little outing without you. I can't believe people are acting like it's normal! Is it just mumsnet contrariness?

Honestly, I think YBVU

You say you have a good relationship with your in-laws but, the way you’ve dealt with this situation makes me think that perhaps they don’t want you there for a reason!

I love having time with just my parents and siblings- it’s a completely different dynamic. It’s also very normal. My husband wouldn’t dream of expecting to be invited and paid for to anything let alone everything. You sound very entitled OP.

Yes you are his wife but you can oh so quickly be an ex wife! His mother, father and sister will never be ex’s. You’d do well to remember that!!

Take the time instead to spend the time on yourself. I’d love that!! It’s such a rare treat.

Honestly you sound like a controlling, self entitled brat!
No you don't always check if people are free that day.
Most of the time for concerts the maximum amount of tickets you can buy is 4 so if you're not allowed to be left out who should have been?
Your husband and his side of the family are allowed to do things without including you.
It's sounds like your MIL is only "gets along well" with you so she's allowed a relationship with her son!
And you're not really bothered about the seeing the band are you or you'd have already brought tickets fro you and your DH.

But what you are saying is he’s not allowed to do anything just the 4 of them!!!

The important point here is it’s your husbands immediate family- not yours! They can do what the fuck they like with or without you!!!

Honestly OP you sound like a delight!!! 😏

No it's called real life! My OH does stuff with his family without me, I do stuff with my family without him. But we also do things together. It's perfectly normal. What isn't normal is expecting to do everything together all the time.

Was it oasis where you were only allowed to buy 4 tickets ?

The OP was replying to a previous post who said she wasn't the closest family member which legally of course she is

Reverse threads are horribly manipulative.
On first read, I felt for the MiL. Now I know you ARE the MiL, I suspect the narrative has been ‘presented’ to put you in a better light.

Your DiL sounds needy, but you sound like a piece of work.
Good luck to you all!

I would feel the same if my MIL done something like this, it's incredibly hurtful to be left out, as his wife of course you're also part of the family, especially after inviting the whole family over to celebrate his birthday

I agree horribly manipulative, I never knew reverse threads were a thing. This really is an awful way of gaining responses without a full story.

The law would disagree tbf.

I got bored Reading your posts all about how you feel. What about your husband? He is entitled to spend time one on one with his parents and sibling. Now you have spoiled it by saying you are meant to number one.

you could have been more gracious than saying I allowed them to come over to celebrate with their child.

their child will always be more important than you and when you have kids it will become clearer. But your me me me attitude may not get that far.

find some outside interests so you don’t need to tag along to events

Hi there,
We're just flagging that this thread is a reverse, so as not to waste people's time with the set up.

I'm seeing that you're not used to people disagreeing with you. The bottom line is that you are massively over-reacting. Grow up, you're embarrassing yourself.

If it had been tickets to your most favourite band, the over-reaction would have at least have been understandable. If they are just localish tickets to an okay band then be nice and let your PIL have that nostalgic get-together with just the 4 of them like the old days. They've been a unit a lot longer than you've been on the scene. The only thing that might have been nice is if they gave you a heads up and checked the dates would work - but given how you've reacted, I can see why they didn't.

Your job now is to work out what is acceptable to be excluded from going forward, and what is not. As a rule of thumb I would suggest anything where partners are included, you should be too, and anything frequent, expensive, abroad or taking more than a day or two, should see you invited. Perhaps an agreement with your husband that you/your children are prioritised if invitations clash with important family events.