AIBU to feel I should have been invited? ***edit by MNHQ to say this is a reverse***

[checkeredboards]

I get along well with my in-laws and I always feel included and part of the family. We live about 3 hours away from my family and about 20 minutes away from my PILs. We have a great marriage. Been married for 8 years now. I recently had my PILs and SIL over for cake for my husband's 30th birthday. Well MIL presented him with concert tickets for his birthday and said out loud, "I bought you, your dad, me, and your younger sister concert tickets so we can all go see this band that we all love together in concert yayy." I'm thinking in my head MIL prob just forgot to mention me by name because surely there's no way his mum forgot to include me in this as I would be the only family member left out and we don't have a rocky relationship we get along very well and it would be way out of character for her. But nope she didn't include me. She went on to say how excited she was to do this for the four of them.

My husband was like thanks mum I'm super excited. Which I was pretty pissed at him that he right away didn't stand by me and immediately ask what about my wife. I told him later on that I was pretty pissed because I felt like it's one thing for his parents not to think of and include me but it's a whole other layer of hurt when husband doesn't even think of me. I couldn't help myself and muttered pretty loudly so I could make sure they heard, "thanks for including and thinking of your son's closest family member you know his wife the woman he married." I mentioned that this is very clearly a celebration centered around the four of them and I was going to leave them to it. His mom said how of course I'm part of the celebration and I said well right now it doesn't really feel like I'm part of it. That's the time I felt like my husband should have supported me. I'm the one he married and lives with. He just stood there like a dumb man shrugging his shoulders. Not literally speaking but figuratively speaking.

I felt like if they couldn't afford 5 concert tickets ok fine but there was so many ways around that where I wasn't completely left out. They could have given my husband money towards the concert ticket based on what they could afford and said, "hey for your birthday I want to go to a concert as a family please put this money towards you and your wife's concert ticket." Or they could have made it just a mother son night or a father son not that way not everyone in the family is included but his own wife! Especially like I said this is sooo out of character because his parents are not the type at all to not consider others feelings or how things may look or come across.

AIBU to feel hurt and left out by the actions of my MIL and also even more hurt that my husband wasn't immediately like what the hell what about my wife? I mention MIL specifically because I know she is the present buyer for the family and she is the one who presented the tickets during the celebration. If FIL was the one who bought the family presents and presented the tickets I would have said him instead of MIL.

I feel like MIL was going back in time where their family was just the four of them but now her son is married and family functions should include his wife.

It’s really rather wonderful. If it’s a troll, it’s definitely one of my all time favourites. If it’s not, then I don’t know what to say. 🤣🤣🤣

No they don't. Not necessarily. It doesn't mean they can request you go on holiday with them while your mother lies dying for example

I really don't think that you understand what people are trying to tell you. So I'll try and explain it to you as simply as possible.

It's your HUSBAND'S 30th birthday NOT yours
His parents DO NOT need to include you in your HUSBAND'S PRESENT
HIS family ARE entitled to spend time with him WITHOUT YOU
YOU made a scene and WRECKED your HUSBANDS PARTY
YOU are coming across as ABUSIVE and CONTROLLING
YOU need to BACK OFF

I hope that makes it clear to you now

@ThatTealViewer Yeah, a really excellent drama llama if it is the same person. There was also a thread recently about the whole aunt and uncle thing, and not being happy about the MIL not acknowledging her as an aunt in the same way her husband was being acknowledged as a bio uncle. Very similar too, and all have the use of mom, which I know can be midlands, but a couple of the threads mentioned, also used a lot of American spellings.

My family would very much think like you, we do loads of things together and my husband or my brothers wife would never be left out, my parents treat them like they do my brother and I, and always have done. I include my 18 yos GF in everything we do as a family, she lives with us so it's a bit different I guess but even so she is treated as family, that's just how we are.

Your reaction wasn't great though, it was a grin and bear it moment then discuss with DH later TBH

100% you are being unreasonable. They probably want to do something just them and their kids. We make sure that me and my sisters have a weekend with our parents not partners or kids once a year. We all love it. It’s nothing personal to our partners or our kids that don’t come.

its very strange to me they are not the ops family they are her husbands family and it’s just a concert why the need to be tied at the hip it’s so controlling no wonder nobody bought her a ticket it’s nuts

That's just an extreme example. I wouldn't be happy if my cat was dying and my husband wanted to go on holiday, but that doesn't mean my cat is more important than my husband.

Head of the nail hit so hard there that I think you may actually have split it into two. She’s a MAJOR red flag for controlling and emotionally abusive

And look how the spice girls ended up 😂

Oh, I missed that one! Off to look for it, now.

I think it's fine for your husband to go to a concert with his sister and parents. I don't understand all the drama 🤷‍♀️ you're not joined at the hip, he's allowed to do things without you! It's nice for his parents to have an evening with just their two children. You sound very high maintenance OP 🙄

Just checked, it was taken down due to concerns. It was "AIBU to want more inclusion"

Thank you, sounds very like the OP

YABU

Yes of course, it was the classiest of classy things. 🙄 No room for nuance on Mumsnet, if I think the OP's MIL was classless, it must follow that I think everything the OP has done is classiness personified. That's totally how logic works, after all!

I wonder if she's writing a novel surrounding a MIL/DIL conflict and she's throwing different ideas around until she finds the one she likes the most. Every one of the posts I can recall (there has been a good few lately) have the same writing style,same dramatics, American spellings and same turns of phrase, and mostly DIL having an issue with MIL due to not being treated as if she was a bio child, or that the husband is too close to the parents. Although there was one that had this style recently too that was from the MIL perspective.

She needs to find a new career if that’s the case 🤣 these are terrible!
im intrigued now, what was the MIL one?

Ok I'll admit this was a reverse. I'm really the MIL and this is what my DIL did. While I love my son's wife I really do. It's been since before they been married that we did anything together just the four of us. Me, my husband, my son, my daughter.

Everytime I tell my son I want it to be just the four of us not because I don't love my DIL but because I wanna reminisce when it was just us four my son always brings my DIL.

Yes I can blame my son for always choosing to bring her even when I make it clear that I want it to be centered around just the 4 of us like when my children were little but my son always says mom I'm a grown married man I'm not going to exclude my wife and I feel like my DIL is the driving force behind this and that he has to say it to keep the peace in his marriage. My DIL is a sweet person and a hard worker and really loves my son but I feel like I can never have a minute of my son's time. Yes his wife comes first and I understand that but I'm still his mother and planning something once in 8 years for my own son shouldn't be an issue.

I also don't feel like I need to run everything by his wife it was my son's birthday not my DIL's birthday. I went ahead and bought the concert ticket ahead of time because like one poster said I figured this was one thing she couldn't hone in on because the tickets were already purchased and she wouldn't be able to get another ticket right next to us.

I realize it wasn't the most tactful and kind approach and I do plan on apologizing to my DIL

Fucking hell what a waste of everyone's time.

I sincerely wasn't trying to waste everyone's time. I just know people have a tendency to side against OP's and MILs as well.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5191768-aibu-to-feel-off-about-my-dil

I’m not buying it 🤣 she’s just trying to avoid a pile on and have everyone turn nice to her.
she speaks like a young girl, not a woman in her 50s
and all the previous posts look beyond ridiculous if it’s a reverse

FFS.