Incident in bar aibu?

[Growlingteddybear]

Went out last night with a friend. In a different town to usual so weren't familiar with the bars. Thought we would try somewhere that looked nice. I went to the bar and asked if they had any malibu. Bar man said no but we have 2 similar spirits. He handed me a bottle and said smell it to see if I wanted it. I did but it was a dark rum, not sweet like malibu which I fancied. I politely explained I couldn't really tell from the smell so he said try a shot. He then handed me an almost empty spirit bottle. It had literally a drop in the bottom. I assumed he was letting me taste it so I started to drink it and with no warning at all he grabbed the bottle out of my mouth. He banged my tooth and lip and shouted don't drink it! I was that shocked I just turned away and we left. I felt like an idiot at first but when nearly an hour later my mouth still hurt I was angry. I get now it was a misunderstanding but he hurt me. Was I in the wrong?

You think the bartender was in the wrong, lots of people think otherwise.

so, no, it isn't "pretty obvious that the bartender was in the wrong"

Since drinks are measured there must have been at least one measure left that the bar has to account for. He obviously didn't expect to see you upend the bottle and slurp the contents.

Misunderstanding on both parts with no ill intent.

Yes this is what I was thinking

Bonkers behaviour on your part. I can’t imagine why you assumed that he was letting you taste it.

I think the bartender should have been more gentle and not caused the OP pain in her mouth by his actions. But I also don't think they were in the wrong to intervene. OP said it was a nice bar, and nice bars don't wish to be associated as the sort of place people swing rum from bottles, most onlookers wouldn't know it was almost empty. In your own home, go ahead, I'm sure most people have done it. But it might really set a poor tone in a nice bar, and give the wrong impression to punters.

I certainly wouldn't expect a barman to forcibly rip a bottle away hurting someone's mouth.

He could have verbally said "wait", or, just left it. Both of those a more sensible option.

Grabbing it was not okay, especially when it was a misunderstanding vs her being a drunk stealing a bottle.

This about covers it I think.

Let's not go mad here. The bottle bashed her teeth a bit. It's hardly a life changing injury.

The barman clearly just reacted in the moment to somebody going mental and thinking it was ok to swig straight from a bottle. It was an accident, caused by the OP being daft.

One of those weird things that happen now and then with strangers. You'll never know what was going on in the bartender's mind but you know you meant no harm! Try and forget all about it.

Would be an odd thing to do (not a good look), to drink straight from a spirit bottle in a bar.

Would have perhaps been better to have asked first if it was okay or what he intended by handing it to you without a glass.

Bur he shouldn't have snatched it from you although expect you took him by surprise.

Understand you might be reeling from it too though. I'd put it down to experience and move on.

Let it go OP. You were both in the wrong …

What were you thinking ??

Really weird to swing from the bottle OP. YABU.

I'd have asked for a glass, of course you were wrong to do that

Very weird. Were you drunk?

He shouldn't have grabbed it from you but it's absolutely bizarre that you thought it was okay to drink straight out of the bottle

I agree. The fact that he hurt her meant that he was far too rough. If he was so worried about being professional, he failed completely in that. It's no way to treat a customer, even if he thought they were at fault. There were many different ways he could have dealt with it that did not involve hurting someone.

A lot of posters have commented on how it would look in a nice bar to have a customer swigging and yes there is something in that but I think the subsequent sight of him ripping a bottle, that he'd just handed them, out of a customer's mouth and hurting them, would have a much more negative impact to an onlooker if the bar was worried about reputation. I don't think he was justified in reacting that way. Don't we say "use your words" to children?

They had been talking co-operatively up to that point, so there was no reason to assume she was going to be bolshy. Added to which she says she was so shocked she walked out without saying anything, it doesn't sound like she was the argumentative type. I note there's no mention of him saying anything either at that point, even though it was probably obvious he'd hurt her.

The OP misunderstood him and wasn't thinking, but yes she should have waited for a glass or asked for one, I think she sounds like the type of person who is quite suggestable and obedient and when he handed her the bottle and said "try it" she did without thinking.
At the end of the day it was no fun OP, but it's a chalk it up to experience issue.

I’d be surprised, I mean she was ordering Malibu of all things, which I thought died out with the eighties, it’s also only another 20 percent alcohol.

i think it’s just she misunderstood, left feeling like an idiot as she said and then decided it wasn’t her she should blame him. She’s just embarassed she tried to knock ot back from the bottle in a bar, when he’d handed it to her to smell.

May have been a bit of a silly misunderstanding on OP’s part but equally stupid of the barman to grab from her mouth. He would’ve been in a lot more trouble if her teeth had smashed. Given she wasn’t stealing it saying “NO don’t do that” would have surely sufficed.

In defence of the OP I can totally understand how the instinct to take the bottle could come about. Just an instant reaction without thinking. Or maybe that’s just me 😂

You drank from the bottle at a bar???

Of course YABU. What a thing to do.

Not sure why you would drink directly from a spirit bottle without waiting to clarify first as it would be very unusual and ill mannered to do so normally. It certainly wouldn't be what most instinctively would done in that situation. I assume you had had a few already, so difficult for outsider to have an opinion on what the actual situation was.

They re-use the bottles and fill with cheaper sprits. Now you drank from the bottle, he has
to open a new one.

Also, don’t drink from bottles

You were both in the wrong IMO; wrong of him handing you an almost empty bottle - if you hadn't wanted it I'm not sure another customer should have been drinking it after you've had your nose in it smelling it. And very odd of you to think it is OK to drink out of a bottle of spirits, however empty. Also wrong of him to snatch it and bump you.

99% of spirit bottles, especially dark rum, are completely opaque coloured glass and covered in writing/branding - I can't think of a rum brand that has a clear glass bottle where you can see the liquid.....