To find this annoying? Or am I being a video game snob?

[PizzaByTheSlice]

Last night DH was up until 3am playing videos games. Fine - we are all in bed most of that time and he was up at 9am this morning.

We went for a long walk this morning and then just having a cosy afternoon at home.

My two sons are 2 and 4 and a handful!

DH has been in the shed from 12 & is still going (just gone 5pm) playing video games. He will probably come in for dinner and then go back out there until bedtime. I have asked them he comes into the house to be with us but he says that we are just hanging about & relaxing and he wants to do the same - which is true - but playing/watching cartoons with two very hyper boys are who would argue over just about anything...isn't exaclty relaxing for me.

I don't know that maybe I'm being a video game snob though. I just think if you've played video games from 9pm to 3am on Friday night, you don't need to start playing again at 12pm for god knows how long.

And yes he does this quite a bit. But if I'm out or at work - he is really active with the kids, but if i'm at home - he disappears to play video games.

AIBU to think it's a bit much?

YANBU, it sounds like a bit of an addiction.

Sad that you’re even wondering OP

What kind of a benchmark do you have for what is reasonable and considerate behaviour?

None

I’m not into video games (because I’m a grown adult) but you could replace it with painting, gardening, reading and it still wouldn’t be ok as he is putting it before his family. He’s not engaging in family life.

It’s just another selfish man hobby. Golf, football, gaming, car tinkering. All the same opting out of family life. Hard fucking no from me.

i was on your other thread where you said he was “useless” your marriage was shite and by the end you said you would be pursuing divorce

I guess that’s fallen by the wayside?

My DH plays quite a lot for a weekend, then doesn't play for months. He should get bored of it. If he doesn't then you'll have to say something, but if this is a new thing, or rarely then do t stress. It's a way of them de-stressing IMO.

Did he magically develop this addiction with the birth of the first child, or the second?

Unless he is a 16 year old it's not acceptable. He sounds like a man child

I am also a grown adult of 50 and love video games.

But the issue isn't that, it's just him leaving his wife to the crap stuff. Equal time to relax however you want is only fair.

People are allowed hobbies, whether they are "man hobbies" or dare I say "woman hobbies". Just because you don't like them doesn't mean they are any less valid than any hobbies you may have.

The issue here is not the hobby but the fact it takes over family life, and that's not right. I'm a single parent, I have hobbies but do not leave parenting my kids to someone else while I pursue them. It's a question of priorities, as well as only having hobbies on an approved list it seems

No not at all @bestbehaveyou I don't know if I'm being fair to him though. I'm so confused. He doesn't lie or cheat. He cam be v funny. But he also acts like a child a lot. In my eyes. But maybe I'm being harsh. I don't want to split up our family. Maybe I'm being judgmental of him. That's what he thinks I am - judgmental and snobby.

Oh much become then. He was gaming at the dinner table on the first date.

(We can all do sarcasm)

You've done a family activity and now it's chill out time.

Next weekend just make sure you get your chill out time.

You shouldn’t care Op

You are planning to divorce him

from your other thread he is profoundly unpleasant on many level

focus your energy on the leaving part not on giving a damn about what he thinks of you

is he coming in to make dinner? Did he cook lunch? Who does household chores?

maybe you don’t want to split up the family?

OP this is not a happy family

and as your children grow, they will grow acutely aware of that

Nothing wrong with gaming. In fact, you know who loves gaming? 4 yr old boys. Get them playing Minecraft together.

If you're unhappy about the length of time he's playing on his own rather than hanging out with the family, that's not ok is it. You have to tell him.

I haven’t read your other thread but I would be very unhappy if my DH was checking out of family life this much for any hobby. There’s nothing judgmental or snobby about wanting him to share parenting responsibilities. But maybe he’s making this into an argument about you being judgemental about his hobby being gaming and therefore the real issue is getting ignored?

Any hobby that takes someone out of family life is an issue no matter what it is.
its like anything there is a space for it but not to the detriment of the rest of the areas in a persons life.

i have absolutely no issues with gaming and think of it as a legitimate way to spend time as any other way.

i would say that if it was reading cycling the gym or swimming or golf or gaming or historical war reenactment or bird watching or fishing and add another thousand things! It’s not the gaming itself that is the issue it the choosing it over family life.

the argument that you are all just hanging out doesn’t work because actually no, you look like that but actually you are at home parenting alone rather than doing <insert your favourite relaxing thing> while he has stepped out of the role to isolate himself and relax

Why don't you all go hang out with him? Family time baby 💕 💕 💕

You married a man child and didn't set any ground rules prior to marriage. Now man child thinks he can carry on gaming in real life. He's taking the royal piss. Absent father's to gaming is rather pathetic. Tear him a new one 🤬

You are the default parent.

Are you going to get 5-8 hours to do your own thing whilst he looks after the DC, does the housework and cooks?

He can be v funny

Yes I can see why this makes up for his complete lack of parenting.

Seriously though, couple's counselling and he changes. or he leaves. I think I would have a hard time not murdering a bloke who behaved like this, such would be my resentment.

We are both gamers (that's how we met!) but not in the middle of the day when the kids are around!