To find this annoying? Or am I being a video game snob?

[PizzaByTheSlice]

Last night DH was up until 3am playing videos games. Fine - we are all in bed most of that time and he was up at 9am this morning.

We went for a long walk this morning and then just having a cosy afternoon at home.

My two sons are 2 and 4 and a handful!

DH has been in the shed from 12 & is still going (just gone 5pm) playing video games. He will probably come in for dinner and then go back out there until bedtime. I have asked them he comes into the house to be with us but he says that we are just hanging about & relaxing and he wants to do the same - which is true - but playing/watching cartoons with two very hyper boys are who would argue over just about anything...isn't exaclty relaxing for me.

I don't know that maybe I'm being a video game snob though. I just think if you've played video games from 9pm to 3am on Friday night, you don't need to start playing again at 12pm for god knows how long.

And yes he does this quite a bit. But if I'm out or at work - he is really active with the kids, but if i'm at home - he disappears to play video games.

AIBU to think it's a bit much?

I'm not the default parent - I do spend longer than him at work so he does a fair amount of looking after them. It's just when I'm at home he often goes to game. I just can't imagine any hobby wanting to do until 3am and then again at lunchtime. It's just a bit much.

But yes as people have said its a bit of a miserable marriage a lot of the time.

The kids do love him though. They are pretty happy and it seems so cruel to uproot that.

But I can't spend my life posting on mumsnet feeling sorry for myself!

Send the kids into him

Ew, that’s such an ick. Literally running away to fantasy land and not facing his responsibilities.

Didn't take long for the "grown adult" sneer.

I'm a grown adult with a professional career. I love gaming and if games weren't for adults, why are many of them 18+?

Better than rotting in front of the TV. At least gaming is reading, participating in story, socialising, developing dexterity skills etc.

They are 2 and 4
Yes they love him
And given you’re the primary earner with the much bigger job… he will no doubt be very involved with them

but avoid the scenario where your children are acutely aware their mother is deeply unhappy and their parents marriage is circling the drain

I was going to say this. If it’s all ‘just relaxing’, then the kids can go in with him whilst he games.

Yes but do you leave your partner to look after 2 preschool children for hours on end? Hopefully not.

My DH only games after the kids are in bed. I don't mind, it's his social life speaking to his friends and brothers at night. I think a new COD was out last night, so I'd not be surprised he's back to it so soon.

I'm with you though. There's a difference being left with the kids while your OH is in work Vs being left with them while OH at home doing nothing.
You need downtime too to balance it. I don't know what form that will take. Maybe go for a long bath with the door locked next time he wants to sneak off to play?

But when you are there he sees you as the default parent. He just disappears off and leaves you to do it all.

Yeah, I mean he's an arsehole. I'm not sure of much and feel totally confused and conflicted but I do know with certainty he's an arsehole.

I just also know I hate gaming generally so thought that might be affecting how pissed off I felt.

My DH has always gamed both video and board. He always went to weekend tournaments even when kids were little.

When the kids were little he'd play for an hour after he shared putting the DC to bed with me. If he was asked to fill in for footie he would also check with me first (in case I had something on).

His weekends away. It would come back overnight so he could help out them to bed and wash up and get stuff ready for the next day. Do some laundry etc. Also it saved £ which we didn't have much off.

Oh and guess what he was happy for me to go off out and do stuff without the DC and leave him with all 4 DC.

It's not fair that he is making you the default parent. DH is a gamer, but he mostly games in the evening when the kids are in bed. If we are home at the weekend, he'll probably do an hour in the afternoon but then do something with the kids whilst I do what I want for an hour (usually read a book in peace).

Games are fantastic....

Games are for FREE time....

Ops OH is using games to avoid family time. That is a problem. I've seen it time and time again. If it's not games its:
Cycling
Fishing
Golf
Football watching and playing

Op you should be getting equal time to do your hobbies and interests, if you're not, there's an issue.

You need to give him chance to change, if he doesn't, great... If he doesn't... He leaves

YANBU OP - he's taking the absolute piss and opting out of family life.

(Although I get so sick of 'gaming is a hobby for children' on these threads. Ditto 'ugh pathetic men needing to play their little games'. It's really weird! Gaming is a perfectly normal hobby! It's the amount of time/when he's doing it that's shit.)

That’s besides the point. The comment was ‘I don’t game because I’m a grown adult’. Nothing to do with shirking responsibility, it’s just a sneer.

Yes @TinkerTiger that comment was just sneery to the many gamers on this site (female mostly).

Luckily I have no kids and as partner is out doing "his hobby" -it's actually flying! So outing! -I can spend the day gaming.

Or trying to decide which game I fancy then installing or updating something and not actually playing

My H is always telling me to keep the hearing down to 18 or so. It's set for 17 in the house during the day when I work from home (he I'd NOT at home during the day).

Just went out to the shed (hes gaming) at 11pm to tell him I'm going to bed. He is surrounded by about 10 beer bottles, sweet wrappers, dirty plates and he's got an electric heater on set at 24 degrees! It's a sauna in there

He is such a shitbag. I said WTF and he just did a "oh aren't I cheeky" face at me.

And it's me who pays the electric!

Just venting.

It would be different if your dc were older - pre teens or teens and everyone was doing their own thing (that’s how we are currently, Ds is 13 and is as much of a gamer as dh, they both have their own gaming rooms and I like to crochet in front of the tv - we do go out every day together as a family and eat together etc etc, lots of family time) but your dc are little and need a lot of attention and supervision. He’s being very unreasonable.

Can I ask @Pigeonqueen do you ever feel left out with a gamer son and gamer husband?

My H talks about hoping our boys are gamers. And I have this vision of them just gaming together and feeling left out - DC thinking H is the coolest because they game together and I don't know anything!

Not really… I have things that Ds enjoys doing with me that he doesn’t do with his dad - he’s very interested in birds and animals and we do a lot of bird spotting together (!) and go on a lot of walks. Dh and Ds do play together a bit but they tend to like different games and Ds now plays together online with his friends from school really. But they (dh and Ds) chit chat a lot about games.

I think you have to find time for family stuff so it’s not all about gaming all the time. When Ds was little there was no way dh would have shut himself off in a shed gaming for the day!

Yes indeed @Pigeonqueen my H has been a selfish git for some time

I am really considering leaving and have booked time in with a solicitor. But one of the big worries is that my two sons will want to be round their dads the whole time because he'll be gaming and have a big screen and let them eat crap the whole time. And I'll lose my kids to cool gamer dad.

It's reassuring your DS does lots of non game stuff with you. And you're right they probably want to play woth their friends anyway

Time to start lining up the ducks.

Millions of ‘grown adults’ love video games. Your dig at a hobby enjoyed by so many people is pathetic. The issue isn’t the hobby, it’s the fact he’s entirely checked out of all family life and responsibilities.

I game and occasionally my DS and I game together, joined by DH as well. My DH managed is a recently retired science Prof and I also worked in higher education for close to 30 years so we are possibly actually grown up. I do loathed the anti gaming on MN. There is nothing wrong with actual gaming its his checking out of family life that’s the issue. Just like if he say fiddling about with a stamp collection, train set, or a myriad of other hobbies in his shed for those same hours.

I think I would have taken the children out to the shed during the afternoon and told him to mind them while I went out - shopping, meet a friend for coffee or just go for a walk. And then go, no looking back!