To find this annoying? Or am I being a video game snob?

[PizzaByTheSlice]

Last night DH was up until 3am playing videos games. Fine - we are all in bed most of that time and he was up at 9am this morning.

We went for a long walk this morning and then just having a cosy afternoon at home.

My two sons are 2 and 4 and a handful!

DH has been in the shed from 12 & is still going (just gone 5pm) playing video games. He will probably come in for dinner and then go back out there until bedtime. I have asked them he comes into the house to be with us but he says that we are just hanging about & relaxing and he wants to do the same - which is true - but playing/watching cartoons with two very hyper boys are who would argue over just about anything...isn't exaclty relaxing for me.

I don't know that maybe I'm being a video game snob though. I just think if you've played video games from 9pm to 3am on Friday night, you don't need to start playing again at 12pm for god knows how long.

And yes he does this quite a bit. But if I'm out or at work - he is really active with the kids, but if i'm at home - he disappears to play video games.

AIBU to think it's a bit much?

It doesn't matter whether it's gaming or another hobby, he's not involved in family life and he shouldn't shut himself off from you all like that- it's not ok but you know that. If he's out in the shed then turn the heating up next time and think about whether this is what you really want

I take your point about not having a dig at gaming. But am I not allowed to find it unattractive when I walk in the shed and he's surrounded by beer bottles and swearing at 14 year old strangers online while shooting people with guns on his computer. I don't entirely accept its the same as all other hobbies.

I would be inclined to take your DC into the shed and go out for a few hours (to relax!)

I enjoy gaming so don't see the issue with that as much as the fact he isn't bothering to spend time with you or the children much. Of course all parents should get downtime and time to themselves to do stuff they enjoy, but they'll notice that he'd rather sit alone in his shed than spend time with them but also with you; their view on relationships will be formed in part by what they witness growing up and that's sad. I wouldn't mention gaming as the issue to him, but the time spent alone when his children are up and about.

If course, but it'll reduce it down to oh she doesn't like me gaming rather than the crux of the issue which is that he can't be bothered to spend time with you or the children much when you're all home together. They're 2 different conversations imo.

YANBU at all! Thats ridiculous and I’d be unhappy with that situation.

My DH is into gaming, but it’s weekend afternoons (appropriate games whilst kids are also playing things on Switch) and evenings when they’re in bed only, he always finishes before 10 because we get sorted and go upstairs then. We’re always sat in the same room chatting as well. I don’t mind because it’s never felt like the exclusion of the rest of us, some evenings we’ll watch a few episodes of something together also. In moderation gaming is fine - to excess like that and excluding family isn’t healthy at all.

It’s literally the entire point of the thread my dear.

Yanbu. You weren’t “relaxing”, you were in the thick of childcare with 2 v small children!

It doesn’t sound like you’re being snobby about gaming, it sounds like you’re rightfully resentful of him having hours and hours of child-free hobby time at your expense and doesn’t seem to want to spend any time with you or as a family. I don’t blame you tbh.

I got myself a Steamdeck so can game while sitting in the same room as DS, who is usually playing Minecraft or Geometry Dash.

Hiding in a shed surrounded by rubbish is something else - it's not about the gaming, it's about his attitude to family life.

Oh are you the OP and this is your thread? No, your point is about leaving your partner to deal with children while you game. MY point was referring to a comment made by another PP (unless that’s you as well?) who said ‘I don’t game because I’m a grown adult’. I literally quoted it in my post.

You busied yourself replying to @JubileeJuice when she wasn’t even talking about you, she was talking about the other comment.

My DP & I both game, him a lot more than I do, I tend to read or enjoy colouring in as well. He does on the weekends occasionally do some late nights, sometimes not coming to bed until 4am. He is a grown adult & has the choice he can either do this on the night where he’ll get a lay in the next morning, or do it on the night he knows he is the one to get up with the kids. Which sometimes he does & he will get up with the kids no issue. If he wants to play during the day, I usually say to him he can do all the tidying before hand so it leaves me with very little to do other than dinner & he will also do bedtime for out 3 year old. If I feel like the kids are being a bit much I’ll ask him to come help.

I think gaming or hobbies is fine but you have to have boundaries or he games on the Saturday then you have the Sunday to yourself ect.