To be concerned about DD (18)?

[namechangemumofteen]

I promise I'm a regular poster - name changed for this. Please feel free to ask MN to verify. I need some advice as I'm worried sick.

My daughter has just turned 18 recently and I'm a bit concerned about some of her attitudes towards sex. She has just started seeing someone new (known him literally a matter of weeks, a month tops), he's the same age, she told me they'd slept together on their second date and that she hadn't used protection. She says this is fine because she's on the pill. Obviously I've explained why it's actually not fine and she needs to protect herself from more than just pregnancy. Her response was "he's only slept with 6 people so it's fine". I pointed out that obviously it's irrelevant how many he's slept with and the point is she could have been exposing herself to STIs etc. She just seems really naive about it all and unconcerned. I said she should really get herself a sexual health clinic appointment, her response was "that's embarrassing I'm not doing that". Again, I explained that there's nothing embarrassing about looking after one's sexual health.

She just seems really naive to it all and I'm worried she's taking silly risks with her sexual health (and also risking pregnancy).

I know she's an adult (only just), but ultimately she's an adult who still lives in my home without the financial means to support herself (she's studying A levels at college), and so any mistakes she makes now are going to become my problem by default, aren't they. I'd never turn my back on my 18 year old daughter if she found herself pregnant and needing support (whichever decision she made regarding a hypothetical baby), so ultimately I'll have to mop this up. I feel therefore she needs to listen to my guidance and my views on it, but then I'm acutely aware she's legally an adult making her own decisions.

Is this just how it is now? Having to step back and watch her take silly risks and just pray and hope for the best while she ignores my advice?

Please be kind. I'm brand new to parenting a young adult and I'm struggling. I want to wrap my baby girl up and protect her from these mistakes but, I can't can I?

Any advice from anyone who's been there? 😕

That's a brilliant result - sounds like you've managed to tread the line of making your point effectively & preserving your relationship. Great work!

Has she heard of 'super gonorrhoea'?!

I would make sure she is actually on the pill, but STIs are her look out really. You can lecture her all you want about the dangers and long term consequences of STIs. But I think it's hard as a parent because teens are kind of predisposed not to listen. Is there someone younger (no offence OP) who might be able to get through? A cousin? One of her mates? I feel this needs an 'OMG! I can't believe you are so stupid!' Except it won't work coming from you!

Good news OP. She has not only listened to you, but she has discussed it with the boyfriend.

The situation may not be ideal, but she is communicating with you and taking in what you say. Very few young adults will say "yes mum" and do what we tell them - and why should they, really, it's their life not ours - but she is taking your advice on board.

Not of he became sexually active at say 15. 2 a year.

Great that she has actually taken notice of you, op.

My dsis wasn't much older than your dd when she developed a pelvic inflammatory disease as a result of chlamydia lying dormant. She had to have an ovary removed and there was damage to the fallopian tubes which meant she was unable to conceive without IVF. Young people have no idea about the damage that can be caused by unprotected sex.

I do think this generation (and I include my own children in this statement before I get flamed!) are by far the most supported, well informed, cosseted young adults to have ever walked the earth!

Very true.