9 year old served ‘birthday drinks’ at sleepover

[Calpi]

My daughter recently attended a birthday sleepover. The girls are 9 years old which I thought was slightly on the young side so I was a little hesitant but agreed.

I have just seen some pictures and I really am not happy. The girls were given ‘birthday drinks’. They were only squash and obviously no alcohol was used but they were served in actual plastic flutes. The drink was bright pink with fizzy sweets in the glass but I’m not happy.

The mum in question parents very differently. Her 9 year old gets bought VERY expensive skincare products. And her daughter acts like a
full on teen - we’re talking crop tops, Stanley cups, skincare, TikTok dances, eyeshadow etc. I have been in the girl’s bedroom and she has a dressing table completely covered in drunk elephant etc. The mum is into that overconsumption stuff she sees online. Fine, parent how you want but I want my daughter to have a childhood and to not be adultified.

AIBU in thinking this was massively inappropriate? Why couldn’t they have just made milkshakes or smoothies? Or an ice cream sundae?

😂

Honey, it is a child friendly drink in a fun glass.
The kids got to play fancy ladies or gentlemen for a bit sipping out of a fancy glass which they probably do not even know is for Champagne.

You are being way OTT and honestly judging someone elses parenting just because you don't like it is below the belt. The other parent has done nothing wrong, you are sexualising/demonising clothing and tiktok dances.
They're kids, things are just fun.

Snowball was our Christmas drink as kids. I even found a homemade vegan recipe to make a similar alternative so I could still have my Christmas snowball 😂

I'm pretty much a stickler for age appropriate stuff. Ex primary teacher and foster carer to vulnerable kids.
However I find this a step too far. We've often served soft drinks , to our kids and others with a 'posh' or 'pretty'glass. We've done sugar edging we use umbrellas etc. At no point do we pretend its like alcohol!
It's pretty and its fun!!

At first when I read your post I thought you were veggie/vegan and they were gelatine sweets in the bottom of the glasses, or that you were anti-sugar in general, or even that you were against alcohol-simulating things for religious reasons, but since that's not the case AND you have no problem giving your NINE YEAR OLD alcohol (which is hugely, hugely damaging to developing brains), I actually think you're completely bonkers.

All the things you object to are in no way as adult as giving your 9 year old alcohol to drink.

You obviously don't like the mum - I'm not sure I would either as encouraging girls to be into crop tops and branded everything at 9 wouldn't be my way to parent.

But honestly you're going to get so much of this as they get older, you're really going to have to pick your battles and I dont think a glass of pop is worth getting het up about.

It's not really about that though is it - just be honest and say you think she's tacky!

My god, i really feel for your daughter.

And for what its worth, my daughter is one of these 9 year old "types" you mention, but what you dont know is along with her love of all of these things she is massively into fitness for health, competes and trains 21 hours a week at top level, involves herself into local community projects like being a reading buddy to 3 year olds, being part of the school newspaper, volunteers at her lunch times to help the Primary 1s and 2s make friends and play games.

Your outlook is actually so fucking shallow.

Anyone else confused by this?

Thinks 9 is too young for a sleepover and to be given squash in a plastic flute

But sips of wine for a 9 year old is acceptable?

Surely giving alcohol is the problem, not squash in a plastic glass?!

Kids like pretending to be adults. That’s normal kids play. They play mummies and daddies with toy dolls when they are very little. They then may have a toy kitchen or vacuum or tool set. As they get older they like to have play make-up, jewellery etc. then they get towards preteen and now want proper make-up, skincare, vanity tables and mocktails. It’s all completely normal OP and part of child development.

Dd has probably had 3 sips of wine in her life - just to try in an attempt to demystify alcohol. She dislikes the taste and pulls a funny face. I see no problem with this.

The mum in my eyes is almost doing the opposite re alcohol. Making it into this massively glamorous thing.

Careful now

So you just hate this mum basically?

I completely get where you're coming from, op. I do think you're being given a hard time here . BUT huge, BUT they're 9 and won't have picked up on the cultural context of birthday drinks or excess.

It sounds like a very sweet pre-teen thing to do. I have dc a similar age, and although they aren't allowed, social media concepts slip through, and they just so desperately want to feel special and grown up.

I don't agree with how several of my kids' friends are parented and what they're 'allowed', but it's up to them to decide what's appropriate for their family and me mine.

I've had mine come home and say...I not supposed to tell you, but I had a full can of Fanta and chocolate plus more sweets. (Dealt with that one at the time) While I don't allow that, at parties and others houses - their rules and allowances trump mine. As long as it's not a danger to health or well being long term, I don't see the issue with kids being treated once in a while. I know they won't get it at mine.

If you're worried about how your dc has perceived it explain, it was a special occasion, and people celebrate things differently. There's some good life lessons in this for both of you.

Calpi · Today 10:46

My 9 year old has sips of wine from me. I’m not massively uptight. But I was just uncomfortable with the concept of the mocktails being referred to as birthday drinks and being served to look like alcohol. It’s all too grown up in my opinion”

Wine at 9 and you’ve an issue with squash in a fancy glass? Hypocrite, much?

I had to google drunk elephant. Shouldn't be using expensive skin care on young skin really as its so sensitive.

I think kids grow up too quickly these days, and if I had a daughter I would want to keep her young and innocent as long as i possibly could. I do think her friends mum is probably raising her as a best friend rather than a little girl - and she will pay for this in the future (I am going to get a bashing on here for saying that, I know lol).

I think the drinks thing, as long as it was a one of and they are not 'sipping on gin & juice' every time she goes round, you have nothing to worry about. Probably just having like a pamper party with some chickflicks, a bit of fun. (I hope they watched the goods old ones like Clueless and Legally Blond, no social media in sight)

What am I reading?!!!!

I had a small snowball every Christmas growing up in the 80's. It was always one of my Christmas day highlights.
Tried it with my kids and they thought it was the most disgusting thing they'd ever tasted lol.

So subsequent posts from op really illuminate how it's nothing to do with the mocktails and everything to do with the mum.

Give your head a wobble OP

I hate the overconsumption/skincare/tiktok shite but i would have no issues with the drinks.

I know a lot of people are jumping on you OP but as an alcoholic in recovery this is the kind of normalization of alcohol that I saw as a child.

Mocktails in wine glasses, a few sips of wine here and there, watching Dad have a "small" drink every night and more on the weekend and every single event including my own birthdays through my whole childhood and those of my siblings, baby showers and other events where alcohol was totally inappropriate, had alcohol heavily involved.

Face masks, make-up, nails and other stuff, totally fine. But alcohol or "pretend alcohol" is where I draw a hard line too. People who "arent uptight" don't experience the world in the same way as someone who is aware of the massive issues and impact alcohol can have on someone and the normalisation of heavy drinking and drinking culture starts in childhood. There is no reason to associate a mixed soft drink with alcohol at a child centered party.

Oh blimey! Even after 6 pages of literally EVERY poster saying YABU, you are still defending your position! OP, I get your concern, but it's a one-off fun party and no alcohol was served! Just girls having colourful drinks in fab glam glasses! I bet it was a great party!

My nanna used to make me see the new year in with a sherry with her when my parents would be out at a NY party. I can only have been 7. I took a sip the first time 😂

I just don’t get what’s wrong with squash in a champagne flute. My daughter and her pals have nosecco at bday parties sometimes, or shloer. that actually looks like booze 🤣

So what’s the point of the thread then OP?

Its almost unanimous that YABU but you just keep posting to double down as to why you’re right.

@Amba1998 Yes, I hadn't actually read that post yet.

But I don't feel that it makes much difference.

I think (and I could be wrong) that the OP has worded this badly. I don't feel it's really about the drinks in the champagne flutes.

I think it's the "growing up too fast" element of the expensive skincare, crop tops, tik tok dances.

And I also think she just plain doesn't like this other mum.

I can remember drinking ribena out of wine glasses when I was younger. No big deal.

But I've seen the type of parties the OP is talking about and it's a world away from sleepovers when I was 9. Young girls getting their nails done, face masks on, crop tops, doing dances for tik tok.

It all seems quite regressive to me. Very much for the male gaze and just a bit sad.

There is plenty of time for all that when they are teens if that's what they want to do, I just feel 9 is very young. Childhood is short enough already.