My fiancé and I share a 1 year old baby. He works full time, I work part time on an online business. My hours vary, anything from 4 to 8 hours a day. Essentially, I work whenever baby is napping or sleeping. In between working, I’m of course looking after our baby. I think juggling work and baby makes things more difficult as other things, like housework, end up being down the priority list. Some evenings I don’t stop until 9pm or 10pm, and I just want to relax to go to sleep.
Our relationship has become increasingly strained, and I feel constantly criticised by him. He rarely has a positive word to say about me, my parenting, it feels like almost constant critique. One thing he does is text me lists of jobs most mornings, not ‘would you mind doing this today’ just a list of half a dozen (sometimes more) things he wants me to get done. Organising drawers, washing clothes, admin around the house, that sort of thing. So the first thing I wake up to and read in the morning is his list. If I don’t get through the list, there will be some sort of dig or criticism later down the line, or he will say how much more time I have compared to him. On the rare occasion he has our baby for the day, he will make an example of how much he managed to get done whilst also looking after the baby, often quite smugly.
He also criticises the way I deal with the baby at night, often moaning that the baby has kept him up for ages so he might as well do it. I’ve tried my best, but sometimes the only way the baby will settle is if I cuddle them for hours, and some nights I just don’t have that in me so will instead do a routine of shushing and patting, which he criticises as saying I’ve left the baby distressed and that he comforts baby properly when he does it. I’ve told him that that’s fine, he can do it himself, and he’s now decided he’s not going to sleep in bed with me tonight.
Is everyone’s relationship like this when they’ve got a baby? I feel so tired and fed up and like I can’t do anything right! I feel he doesn’t appreciate the toll it takes, being a full time mum and also running an online business, plus general life things. I don’t even have time for self care, like doing my makeup, which I used to love. If I have a ‘lie in’ - basically anything after 7am - I get told I’ve woken up too late and should be getting up earlier to complete the chores or things that need to be done. Believe it or not, we used to have a great relationship.