40 years ago parents didn't stay with unwell babies?

[UndertheCedartree]

Am I right in thinking that 40 years ago if a baby was taken to the big city hospital (from being born at the local town hospital i.e critically ill/likely to die) that the parents and definitely the dad did not go with them?

Appendix out in the late 80s early 90s, parents didn’t stay, I would have been about 10.
can’t imagine that now!

Things where very different 60 years ago. I could tell you something horrific from 60 years ago that happened to my brother in a London teaching hospital.

I guess nowadays if you really really couldn't stay full time with a child ( I couldn't dh has a boss who is the 40's mindset of fathers, I have 3 disabled kids) you'd just walk out. We have a disability socail worker so I was threatened with socail services I could call them myself to start child protection.

That must have been hard. I believe my grandparents visited a couple of times and could look at me through a window.

I know someone who is 77. Him and little his brother both went in to hospital on the same day to have their tonsils out. They were 7 and 5. They didn't see their parents for ten days.

I was a student nurse in 1980 I did time in paediatrics. The babies were there on their own, with an occasional parent, most parents only visited as they had other kids or work.
We had to put all the toddlers to bed each night and babies in their cots, it was very sad. The sister in charge used to leave them cry and told us off for picking them up, I used to sneak into their rooms and cuddle them and try to get them to sleep.

Yes. My brother is 45 and was moved to another hospital, while my mum who had just given birth had to stay in the hospital she gave birth in. She was told he probably wouldn’t make it and just had to sit in hospital and wait.

I'm sorry.

DS aged 8 at the time was in hospital for a week earlier in the year. I'm lucky that despite her own health issues my mum was able to take my middle child and just look after him, get him to school etc. My oldest (who has additional needs and requires a bit of prompting and supervision) stayed at home and looked after the cat. If I'd not had that help I don't know what I would have done. I was able to leave the hospital at intervals to shower, fetch clean clothes each, check up on things at home, and buy provisions. The staff watched DS for me and I tried to go when he was asleep.

There's a silent film - link below made in the 1950's that changed the practice of children being left in hospital without being allowed any visitors - even parents. It was powerful & forced a change in this system.
TRIGGER WARNING - some might find this short film clip from that study upsetting -

When I had was in with appendicitis as a kid it was just parents during visiting hours… unless mum just didn’t want to stay haha… though I can’t remember seeing other parents around either (other than visiting times)

I was terrified. Still remember it…
(definitely less than 50 years ago… in the 1990s… the nurses weren’t particularly “motherly” either!!)

I was born in 1966 and had two operations on my eyes to surgically correct a serious squint. One when I was three (I think) and the next when I was four. So it was over 50 years ago now.

On both occasions my mother stayed at the hospital day and night, and I was in for several days each time.

My surgery was privately funded, which we could only do because my parents had BUPA cover at work so I wonder if that was what made the difference and allowed her to stay. I seem to hazily remember us having a private side room with two beds in it - a normal sized single bed for my mother and a child sized one for me.

I suspect different hospitals had different policies, and the option to go private might make a difference.

Good to hear a positive story! 😄

I had my appendix out in 1990 and my mum stayed. A lot of other parents didn’t though. My mum worked as a nurse and a lot of parents used it as a chance to go on a night out.

I was in hospital as an 8 year old in the late 70s to have my tonsils out. I was in about 4 days. Parents only visited briefly a couple of times. That wasn't so bad. But the memories of the unpleasant, unsympathetic nurses and the bleak, Victorian style ward with no toys or entertainment have hung over me for much longer.

I was in for asthma may around 5yo im sure i was alone. But my sister would have been home and needing taking to school etc

Would that have been newborns too?

I didn't stay in hospital with my son in NICU. The bed they offered me was on the maternity ward - it was bleak. So I decided to go home. We travelled in after rush hour and left just before rush hour every day until they discharged him. I don't think anyone ever judged us for not being there more. I cried from exhaustion one day. Not for my baby but for myself. The tiredness was unreal.

I also remember staying at the isolation hospital with my mum back in the 80s when my brother was in. She was desperate about childcare as my brother was regularly in with an ongoing health issue and my dad was terminally ill and also in hospital at that time. Very limited help. The consultant knew her and asked staff to make up a spare bed in my brother's room for me and a chair bed for my mum so we could all just get some rest and be together. We were sent to the isolation hospital as it was quieter there (often used for convalescence at the tail end of an illness) but my brother could still get the care he needed. The dr could just have said tough but he didn't. I guess modern systems of management would not allow it.

My DH was on hospital in 1976 , the record breaking heat wave summer. He was 12 , so was in an adult ward with men who obviously now probably had dementia. He said he was frightened , in pain and no windows could be opened . No visiting except visiting hours and his parents couldn't make it every day . He did notice his mother getting very tanned from visit to visit . Six weeks total and he misses the whole summer .

I was in hospital in 1982 (age 6) with a broken elbow so I had traction and was confined to bed for 4 weeks until it healed (it took longer because the traction broke after a week and they had to do it again). My parents visited every day and brought food as I wouldn’t eat anything other than breakfast. I do recall the school and the playroom that was permanently locked - I was in a ward with three others that were in bed too, so the teacher came to us (she mainly just checked we were doing the work that had been sent in from school - my mother collected and returned it). I can recall
it vividly as it made such an impression on me including one nurse that was actually removed from the ward due to her treatment of me (witnessed by another parent who told my mother).

I’m 42. My mum stayed with me and my twin in scbu. By contrast, I had twins in scbu and although I was able to stay, midwives told me I was lucky they were letting me stay (no idea how I would have done 3 hour breast feeds for twins travelling home in between. I would have got home, done a wee, then turned round to go back… oh and I couldn’t drive due to cs). That midwife was awful.

I think as I was expected to die my mum could have gone with me but she was too scared to go alone.

I'm a paediatric nurse, and my mum
Who is 71, just can't understand why we have parents stay all the time. She thinks it's ridiculous. I remember her being 🤔 when my sister's friend had her tonsils it and her mum stayed in the 90's.

My poor 20 month old DD has spent a lot of time in hospital this year. It’s shit. I hate it and find it very hard. While DD doesn’t really understand what’s going on and she hopefully won’t remember this, it must be terrible for her and I do worry about the long term mental impact.

I cannot imagine leaving her there without a parent, she would become so distressed. It breaks my heart to think about what has gone on in the past. In the children’s ward they have ‘play specialists’ who can mind your child for a short period of time so you can nip to the shop, get a shower or make a phone call, I will always remember a 5 year old girl in bed across from us screaming for her mum when she woke up and wasn’t there, the play person couldn’t do anything to calm her down.

50 Odd years ago I was allowed to stay in hospital with DD, visiting times only.