For thinking school are making too much of this?

[Notanothermondaymorning]

DS is Year 1 and has just turned 6. For background, he has a moderate hearing loss and wears hearing aids. He goes to a fee paying school where they do seem to have very strict behaviour standards.

We’ve had a few issues with his behaviour this year, mainly messing about in class and doing/saying some unkind/inappropriate things. Obviously we don’t condone that behaviour and do our best to instill in him that he should always be kind and respectful of others and that he should not be messing about in school. Our teacher of the deaf has been in numerous times to assess him and is very much of the opinion that these behaviors stem from his frustration that he cannot hear well and that the classroom environment can be a noisy and stressful place for him. Apparently this is a common issue with hard of hearing children at this age. My issue is that the school seem to be making a lot of it, as if he is some kind of problem child. Now I know my DS is not perfect but he is a good kid and he is very kind and thoughtful. He can and does get silly and carried away at times but don’t all 6 year old boys? He has struggled a bit socially this year due to being separated from a close friend when the class split was decided at the end of reception and he was put in a class with children he didn’t know well. But I think he has done really well to make some new friends despite the barriers that his hearing loss present. But I’ve had calls from the school to tell me things like he blew a raspberry at another child (it was termed as he spat at another child but when I questioned it, I was told it was actually a raspberry) and that he knocked over another child’s tower of blocks. Now I know these things are not kind but does it really warrant a phone call home?

Makes me feel so sad that the school seem to be focusing on the negatives and not all the wonderful attributes he has and at the same time, don’t seem to acknowledge or understand the additional challenges he faces and how these struggles manifest in a child his age. I don’t know how to handle it with the school and would really appreciate any advice or input from others. I find it so upsetting to think he’s being labeled as a difficult child when I genuinely don’t think he is.

Ds had glue ear so struggled to hear. He found free play a nightmare, especially free play where they took groups to do some work at the same time. He complained that the noise meant he couldn't hear anything.
He was much happier when they got to more formal sitting down and listening level, even though he also has ADHD so difficult to sit still at times.

Also they do call blowing a raspberry spitting nowadays. I agree that to me it seems ott. Blowing a raspberry is being a bit cheeky, spitting is a deliberate act of contempt

Ever heard the sound of wooden blocks through a hearing aid? I'd be wanting to sling them out a window.

My children are heading towards the end of their school years, the parents who are struggling with their children's behaviour now at GCSE time are the same parents who minimised issues when they were younger.

The school aren't telling you for no reason.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable since as you say some behavioural issues are associated with deaf and hard of hearing kids just due to feeling left out or disoriented in large groups
. I also don’t think the school are unreasonable to make you aware of the issues, it depends on the tone and context , if they’re just keeping you updated that your son’s struggling a bit that’s fine, but if it’s done in an accusatory tone or implying he’s a troublemaker than I would feel the same way as you.
He’s only 6, and whilst blowing raspberries is a pretty disgusting from an adult perspective; kids that age don’t have the insight or understanding to realise that!
They just see it as a funny noise and a way to be cheeky.

I suffer with hearing problems so I understand how overwhelming, stressful and lonely it can make you feel.

Having said that, as a teacher for many years I have rarely experienced raspberry blowing with my classes. It's pretty rude classroom behaviour. I wouldn't ring home for it but I would be making it clear it was unacceptable to the child.

@Notanothermondaymorning you are getting a hard time because you are not owning g the fact that hearing loss or not. Your son is behaving badly and you are consistently minimising it.

There are a huge number of reasons a 6 year old will be disruptive or poorly behaved, regardless of any disability they may have. But the school are telling you because it is an issue for them.

You are right that constant noise etc for any person with healing loss causes fatigue and that will be worse in a young child who has not yet learnt to regulate. But you need to help hum learn the better ways of dealing with it than becoming disruptive or aggressively knowing down other children's work.

For example, do the school provide a sensory area where he can turn off his hearing aids and have quieter time to ease the overload on him? Do they have a quiet time where all children are expected to be calm and quiet so he can reset (as they all can)?

The school are telling you because it is an escalating pattern of behaviour and if the need arises for EHCP or other intervention both you and they have evidence of the escalation.

Work with them. They are not the enemy.

You are understandably protective, but honestly the school are not the ones blowing this out of proportion.

My daughter has three children with additional needs and she feels constantly dreadful because she knows that her children are absolutely 'not wante' in any educational setting (that isn't a special provision).

I also feel that the school is gathering the evidence to manage your child out OP.

What on earth are pp on?! I've only read the first page but blowing raspberries or knocking over other people's buildings are not 'totally unacceptable ' behaviours. From a 6 year old!! They're mild misdemeanours unless happening all the time. I wouldn't tell a parent or record this anywhere or do anything other than tell him to stop.

I certainly didn’t have perfectly behaved six year olds. But if they were behaving like this on a regular basis I would want to know about it. Even if the rest of their behaviour was good.

My dc goes to a school like this and I'm glad he does. Your ds sounds extremely disruptive even if you don't think it is, and they don't really tolerate that. No, not all 6yo are like that. For kids like mine who don't behave like that it is really annoying.

You really are minimising this

You chose to send your DC to a fee paying school where other parents won't expect to have their DC's education interrupted by your DS's poor behaviour. That's why the school are calling you, because they expect you to work with them to nip it in the bud before it becomes a bigger problem.

When I taught year 1 they still very much enjoyed, benefited from and needed free play twice a week. And yes, they built towers out of blocks!

If it's a fee oating school then if uou r not happy with school find another school and take him out after this term. Could you find a private deaf school

Your son clearly has a reason for his behaviour, but it’s obviously standing out in the class he’s in where all the children will be six. It’s a fee paying school, so they will have high standards for behaviour because other parents are paying for their children to be in a safe, nurturing environment that churns out very well mannered and well behaved children. They don’t achieve those standards without being strict and contacting parents when they feel it’s necessary. In a different school, you probably wouldn’t get calls home for those things.

You do sound like you are minimising it, even if only privately. That might come across to the school and that’s why they’re on at you a lot.

I’m also wondering if the school is ‘suggesting’ that it may not be the right place for him.

OP did mention in the first post that there had been some messing about in class and saying some unkind and inappropriate things, as well as the raspberry blowing and knocking over towers.

Maybe the classes were altered at the end of the reception year, to split up groups of children and reduce low level disruption. As it’s a private school, there are probably fewer children in the class too, so some behaviours will be more apparent.

Remember that the children in a private school are very much a homogenous group. So the teacher may expect to maintain high standards of discipline with far less input from herself. It’s also possible that the teacher is not deaf-aware, and simply doesn’t know exactly what to do if she sees your child startino get a bit silly. So by the time she has his attention, he’s had more time for his silliness to escalate. I hope that makes sense.

lf the wee guy’s teacher has little experience of hearing loss within or outwith the classroom, she may not know about positioning herself in relation to him, what direction the light should come from so that she isn’t in silhouette, not raising her voice because then her lips are distorted and making lip-reading hard, etc.

The other children might be raising their voices, or not facing him when they speak, and this will make things harder for him.

I’ve no experience of English schools, but tbh I’d quietly start looking at state schools and see how they accommodate children with hearing loss. Just something to keep up your sleeve, as it were.

How many calls have you had from the school? Just the two one about knocking over a tower and one 'spitting'? If so it seems you are making a big deal of it. Have other children had calls home about bad behaviour? How many bad behaviours merits one call home are the calls the result of numerous (trivial?) misbehaviours the last one being called out? I can't really see the school calling home for every minor incident.

If you are concerned I would talk to the head and ask if your child is being singled out or if other children also play up and get calls home, and whether it is appropriate to ring home about (in your opinion) trivial transgressions. If after that you don't like the attitude of the school you can take him out and find a school more to your liking. You have to decide if the teachers know what they are doing and are taking appropriate action, or they are not dealing with your DS as you think right.