Grandparents visits too much

[Bakergirl987]

i have one two year old son, I work two days a week and we have a really busy schedule with classes and play dates. Both sets of grandparents expect us to bring ds to their houses twice a week to see him and on at least one of these visits expect us to stay for a few hours. My issue is no one ever comes down to visit him in our home the visits always have to be in their houses I can’t remember the last time any family came down to see him. I’m trying to do all the housework and all the dinners by myself and really can’t accommodate this anymore. The pressures getting too much to try and keep everyone happy and if he doesn’t come they’ll be complaining they haven’t seen him in however long. Am I being unreasonable to think they should make an effort to come and see him which would allow me to do other stuff in the background or is it normal to always have to go visit grandparents. They all like to brag about how much they love him and portray them self as grandparents of the year when in reality I don’t know how long they would go without seeing him without the convenience of him being brought to them

Explain you don't want to always go round there, once a week is enough. You shouldn't feel pressured, you're old enough to make your own choices.

This in spades.

Say no. Let them be annoyed 🤷🏻‍♀️

Life with young kids is hard enough, don't make it harder.

Practice being less available... It isn't difficult once you get started!!

I would, invite each set over for dinner once per week and then they can help with bedtime bath time whilst you tidy up etc.

Why are you entertaining this?
Absolutely ridiculous.
Are you very young that you are tolerate being bossed about.
They are NOT your boss.
See them when it suits you.
Decide what works for you and is reasonable and communicate it to them.
No discussion.
TELL them what will work for YOU going forward.
Alternate visiting, you go to them One week, they come to you the next.
No discussion.
If they don't visit you thats on them.
Woman up.😁

Oh and you will be furious with yourself in the future that you ruined this special time by allowing yourself to be told what to do.

YANBU, but you really have to speak up. It doesn't have to be a long discussion. Just tell them you are busy during the week with classes and playgroups, but they are more than welcome to pop in and see your DC when you are at home.

‘I don’t know how long they would go without seeing him without the convenience of him being brought to them.’

Time to find out!

‘I’m not able to make it over this week but you’re welcome to come to us on Wednesday afternoon’

and repeat

So let them complain?!

Stop engaging in this ridiculous routine and if they so desperately want to see him they can make the trip to you. Also trying to entertain a 2yo in someone's house is hard work, I can't imagine it's very enjoyable. Let them take it up with your dh if they have a problem but stop making it your problem.

You need to start telling them no. Two sets of grandparents twice a week is four visits and that's far too much.
His dad needs to do something too - he could take your child to his parents once a week and give you a break to have a bit of time for yourself.

And making dinner for two sets of people is a walk in the park?! That's more effort and headache than anything.

I'd say so. Doesn't have to be a fancy dinner and then she gets them to come to her and help with the toddler! How much effort to knock up a couple of dishes of pasta and salad?

Could you ask your parents to visit you and ask your DH to tell his parents the same. Work out if you want to continue visiting them and if so how often and stick to that.

And definitely not as much faff as having to drive to each set twice a week!!

Both sets of grandparents expect us to bring ds to their houses twice a week to see him and on at least one of these visits expect us to stay for a few hours.

They need to adjust their expectations.

The pressures getting too much to try and keep everyone happy and if he doesn’t come they’ll be complaining they haven’t seen him in however long.

It's not your job to keep everyone happy. Let them complain.

This is what you do: text them all together. Hi everyone, we are so blessed that DS has such strong relationships with his grandparents and we are so grateful that you love him so much and support him the way you do. I realise this might be disappointing, but I'm finding the expectation to visit both sets of grandparents with DS twice per week to be too much at the moment and I'm experiencing it as a pressure, which I know isn't what you want. From now on I will be bringing DS to visit each set of grandparents once per week. If you would like to see him more than that, please be in touch about coming to visit us here. Thank you for your understanding.

Agreed. Saying no is quite the power trip. It's addictive once you try.

Just tell them! You're a busy mum and you really haven't got time to do all this visiting malarkey. If they want to see the baby they can come and visit!

So overall 4 visits a week! They are being very unreasonable! I think seeing grandparents once a week is a lot for most. X2 visits for each set is ridiculous. You need to tell them so.

I would do afternoon tea once a fortnight at yours and invite both sets. Tescos finest scones, jam, cream and a cup of tea. It’s up to them if they all make the effort to come. Perhaps one of them will do bath time and story whilst you recycle the scones for cook dh’s dinner. Then on the alternative weeks take him to see one or other sets of grandparents for a couple of hours.

I like this idea, I'd add in sausage rolls and stuff too though. But I'm fancy.

Twice a week is ridiculous, OP. Most grandparents see their grandchildren just a few times a year (distance, work etc). You decide how often you want to visit, and then stick to it.

Waaay too much. I'd just tell them they can visit you if they want to see him.

Simply say: ‘you’re gonna have to come to us this week as we are totally slammed’ or even ‘sorry, got to skip a visit this week as we’re doing X Y Z’ (rest/chilling etc counts as ‘doing something’, but if they won’t accept that then make something up).

You are doing 4 visits a week to grandparents?? That's just ridiculous. You absolutely have to say that you are not willing to do that much anymore. If you are happy for them to come to you much of the time instead, then say so. Or just cut back. Once a week for each set of grandparents is more than enough!!!

How old/healthy are they? If they want to see him for a few hours at a time good you ever leave him there and go and do some errands? If that's not a possibility then yes they need to come to you so you can do jobs in the background. They are being unreasonable in their expectations but you totally have the power to change this.