to think a lot of this “boy mum” stuff is a load of sexist nonsense?

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I’m always hearing people (on social media and in real life) talking about being “boy mums”, mostly saying how hard it is to raise boys as they are always being dangerous, loud, disruptive and disobedient, the tacit implication being that girls are quiet, do as they are told and that raising them is easy.

I have two girls, and I am not exaggerating when I say every single posts, video or anecdote of the supposedly “dangerous, madcap antics” “boy mums” have to deal with is something my girls do regularly. I’m thinking mostly of toddler/young children stuff. For example, I saw a video the other day of a child around 18 months trying to climb over a cardboard box and then tumbling off it (soft landing, no danger whatsoever), with a caption saying something like “see, this is what boy mums have to put up with!” and I’m just like… isn’t that just totally normal toddler behaviour for both sexes?? When my girls were that age I felt like they spent every minute of every day trying to climb up everything. My cousin posted one last week of her 3 year old splashing in some mud with a comment about being a “boy mum” and it was just such a massive eye-roll. As if little girl toddlers don’t love splashing around in mud every chance they get, too!

It's mostly just eye-rolling stuff, but it does actually sometimes annoy me, because I sometimes feel like people are assuming parents of girls have some sort of blessed easy life where we’re just sitting around getting our hair brushed, or relaxing while our perfect little angels play dollies, while “boy mums” are actually doing hard work, which is so far from the truth that it annoys me. My girls both come home from school/nursery covered in mud every day, they act like they are allergic to doing as they’re told, they climb, they jump, they playfight – and as far as I’ve seen of other girls, they are totally normal in this regard.

My in-laws especially are big on the whole “boys are loud and dangerous and misbehave and girls are quiet and obedient” thing (to the point where it comes up in conversation every time we see them🙄), and the weird thing is, our nephews on that side actually happen to be naturally very placid, introverted and timid, while it’s our girls who are climbing the walls, being rambunctious and rarely do as they’re told without a struggle. And yet still they go on about how boys are so “naughty” and hard work, and "girls don't misbehave" (verbatim quote from MIL!!!!) which I just find a bit insulting really, because if what they are saying is true, then it stands to reason that either we must have an easy life, or we must just be rubbish parents, because girls are supposed to be “naturally obedient” and yet we still have to put loads of work into getting ours to behave, so how hopeless must we be?

So, what’s the consensus? Is it true that boys are naturally naughtier and harder work, or is it sexist nonsense?

(For the sake of the poll, let’s stick to thinking about little children rather than older kids/teens.)

I have two boys and think this boy mum stuff is bloody stupid.
It's not sex related at all. It's personality related. My eldest is calm, sweet, sensitive, plays everything safe. My youngest is a wild climbing ball of chaos. I really don't know why people do it

I work with over three hundred children daily and I can definitely tell you boys are different to girls in their play.

What a shock that more parents allow poor behaviour from sons compared to daughters, who knew this would lead to their sons exhibiting more poor behaviour!

The term "boy mum" is just a way mums get through not having girls. Everymum I know with just boys, says, "oh no, I don't mind" but we all know they are gutted to not have had a girl.

I think the main differences come in the teen years.

Younger than that though, they can all be thrill seeking, asbo little shits when they want to be 😂

Nonsense.

God, this kind of stuff pisses me off no end! I have two children. The 6yo is anxious, loves crafts, reading, beautifully behaved at school. Also regularly becomes very angry and makes threats, fights with sibling.

The 3yo is wild, "naughty" on purpose, runs away. Also likes crafts but struggles to focus on it for long periods of time. Climbs on and falls off things non-stop. Loves creams, having hair brushed, conditioner, having nails painted etc.

They're both boys!

Well I guess this thread makes a difference to the ‘girl mums’ that do exactly the same as what you’re accusing ‘boy mums’ of. “So delighted to have girls, I’d have been happy with either but secretly wanted a girl to bond with, do girly things with, have as a best friend…”
I’m a boy mum, pregnant with another boy and feel so lucky! And yes the 10 month old is a daredevil but so was my niece.

I’m a teacher and I think you are correct and it’s a lot of rubbish. I’ve taught girls who are swinging from the light fittings while their male peers read their books as instructed and vice versa. Personality, upbringing, genetics, environment, experiences, etc, all build a person and their behaviour not their gender.

What is poor behaviour?

See my above post. Yours is highly offensive. Having two boys is a dream come true.

How about you just speak for yourself?!? And stop perpetuating this shite about boys being less desirable than girls?

I'm not, and considering my youngest is adopted, I'm happy with boys.

Or what is seen as “poor behaviour” in a boy and would it be the same in a girl? Would a girl hurting someone be criticised and reprimanded for violence but a boy hurting his friend be brushed off as “boys will be boys, boys play rough, etc” I’ve seen that in schools many a time.

Of course there are different behaviours.....but until you have had one of each you can not compare. Try inviting some of the boys over for play dates and see the difference. I have seen a big difference and of course you can have boys that are more calm and girls that are more wild. But, when my ds has his friends over its a lot more energy, running up and down the stairs, wrestling. They just can not sit still....over the years he has only had one friend over that was super calm....they sat and played chess. My dd's have had many quiet play dates, where they draw, chat, play quietly. I definitely notice a different with the boys versus the girls. You can see it in the classrooms as well if you have volunteered to help out or in the park.

While I agree that boys and girls are different, I also agree with what you say regarding completely normal toddler/children behaviour. Certainly "obedience" is not something that comes naturally to a 18 month old of either sex 😄
And I do believe that, ultimately, some of this BS of girls being more obedient (as if it was a good thing per se?) ends up being a self fulfilling prophecy.

All children are individuals. From what I've observed, there is a spectrum of children ranging from the fizzing with energy to the fairly sedate. I don't know whether it's nature/nurture/societal expectations but ime more boys than girls tend to fall on the seemingly extremely energetic end of the spectrum, there are lots of boys and girls somewhere in the middle and I've met about an equal number of both who prefer sitting and sedentary activities to running around.

What I've found is that very young siblings tend to copy the older ones. Again, might just be my kids. I have a 7yo boy and 2yo girl, and the 2yo girl wants to do everything her older brother does. The older one is quite energetic but the younger one could give him a run for his money. And despite the 5 year age gap, my kids seem to have similar levels of maturity so maybe that's an advantage of having an older boy/younger girl 😂.

Totally agree op. Weirdly found boy mums far more sexist than girl mums. Always keen to chalk up shit behaviour to the fact they were boys. Was very tedious.

I adore having a boy, I'm not sure I'd have been as good a parent to a girl. I really don't know where the idea that we all wanted girls comes from.

I know someone who has latched onto ‘boy Mum’. Personally think it’s a front for the fact she was desperate for a girl and now needs something that makes her special because they clearly can’t just keep having boys to get a girl. She even kept her last pregnancy a secret until he was born, except from her husband and her side of the family. She said she did this until she dealt with her grief it was another boy. She only told work 3 weeks before due date - remote working made this possible.

Everything is tagged #boymum #blessedboymum etc etc etc. Every behaviour is excused as #lifesaboymum #luckyboymum #proudboymum

Honestly, I don’t know how anyone could read those posts and not roll their eyes!

Her latest thing is they have four swing/climbing sets, one for every boy b/c boys can’t share! 😅

I’ve got both and I agree to an extent, but I also have a boy that behaved nothing like I would ever in a million years expect. And when people roll their eyes and look at me in judgement, it’s almost always from girl parents. And I wonder if I would’ve been the same if I had my girl first.

Have a boy and a girl.
My girl is absolutely crazy wild with no fear at all. Clumsy, somersaults off the sofa, goes head first down the slide.
My son was active and loud but nothing compared to her.

I only have boys but I think the whole boys are harder work thing is rubbish! None of my boys have been reckless, dangerous or more badly behaved than my friend's daughters and are all kind, thoughtful and generally pretty easygoing. I am the youngest of 3 girls and I can tell you our teenage fights were epic and much more vicious than anything my boys have ever done 😂

I don't think girls are more placid, but on average, I would say that they aren't as full-on in certain ways. I can only go by my experience of observing children in a large playgroup session over the past 4 years. I've never seen any of the girls at playgroup speed around the hall in toy vehicles as fast as they can while racing their friends. Girls sometimes use the toy vehicles for short periods but never whizz around like the boys. The girls are more likely to spend longer talking to adults (not that boys don't stop for chats, but not for long). The girls are also more likely to be involved in crafts for sustained periods of time. That said, girls are just as likely as boys to run around the hall at the end of a session. The boys are much more likely to help out with various 'tidy up' jobs at the end of a session. They love to help stack the chairs, push the snack trolley and pack toys away.

I'm a mum to a boy and a girl. My daughter is just as wild as my son in many ways. She loves climbing everything in sight and generally being outside. They both walked early and are very physical children. I don't plan to put either of my children in boxes, but equally I think it's fair enough that some people want to acknowledge certain generalisations based on their lived experience. I would hope that these people aren't looking to 'other' mums of girls but rather, find common ground with mums of boys. That might be naive or optimistic.

this is how gender expectations shape behaviour

children are encouraged and supported to behave in ways that fit their 'gender'

so - ooh look isn't he wild and brave if a boy climbs -

A study recently found girls are taken outside to play LESS from TWO years old - parents assume boys need more time being outdoors and doing rough and tumble play - then of course that drives the interests of the child.