to think a lot of this “boy mum” stuff is a load of sexist nonsense?

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I’m always hearing people (on social media and in real life) talking about being “boy mums”, mostly saying how hard it is to raise boys as they are always being dangerous, loud, disruptive and disobedient, the tacit implication being that girls are quiet, do as they are told and that raising them is easy.

I have two girls, and I am not exaggerating when I say every single posts, video or anecdote of the supposedly “dangerous, madcap antics” “boy mums” have to deal with is something my girls do regularly. I’m thinking mostly of toddler/young children stuff. For example, I saw a video the other day of a child around 18 months trying to climb over a cardboard box and then tumbling off it (soft landing, no danger whatsoever), with a caption saying something like “see, this is what boy mums have to put up with!” and I’m just like… isn’t that just totally normal toddler behaviour for both sexes?? When my girls were that age I felt like they spent every minute of every day trying to climb up everything. My cousin posted one last week of her 3 year old splashing in some mud with a comment about being a “boy mum” and it was just such a massive eye-roll. As if little girl toddlers don’t love splashing around in mud every chance they get, too!

It's mostly just eye-rolling stuff, but it does actually sometimes annoy me, because I sometimes feel like people are assuming parents of girls have some sort of blessed easy life where we’re just sitting around getting our hair brushed, or relaxing while our perfect little angels play dollies, while “boy mums” are actually doing hard work, which is so far from the truth that it annoys me. My girls both come home from school/nursery covered in mud every day, they act like they are allergic to doing as they’re told, they climb, they jump, they playfight – and as far as I’ve seen of other girls, they are totally normal in this regard.

My in-laws especially are big on the whole “boys are loud and dangerous and misbehave and girls are quiet and obedient” thing (to the point where it comes up in conversation every time we see them🙄), and the weird thing is, our nephews on that side actually happen to be naturally very placid, introverted and timid, while it’s our girls who are climbing the walls, being rambunctious and rarely do as they’re told without a struggle. And yet still they go on about how boys are so “naughty” and hard work, and "girls don't misbehave" (verbatim quote from MIL!!!!) which I just find a bit insulting really, because if what they are saying is true, then it stands to reason that either we must have an easy life, or we must just be rubbish parents, because girls are supposed to be “naturally obedient” and yet we still have to put loads of work into getting ours to behave, so how hopeless must we be?

So, what’s the consensus? Is it true that boys are naturally naughtier and harder work, or is it sexist nonsense?

(For the sake of the poll, let’s stick to thinking about little children rather than older kids/teens.)

It seemed he was on a mission to die.

I've got 2 teen boys and haven't stepped foot in A&E with either one of them (touch wood!) why on earth would it be because they're a boy?!

Two girls here. Very, very different. I think most of it is down to personality.

My youngest does things my oldest never would have. My oldest never, ever ran off, was very cautious from an early age. I suspect the youngest will not be the same, she's not even one yet and she's constantly trying to escape from wherever she's been put!

Honestly I think the whole thing is just internalised misogyny. Do you see guys out on social media arguing about being a ‘boy dad’ or ‘girl dad’.

It’s just all ridiculous. We have no say in our children’s gender. We’re all Mum’s, let’s just agree that we’re all doing our best!

I’ve one of each and they’re pretty similar kids. However whenever my son does something stereotypically ‘male’ it’s attributed to his being a boy. And vice versa. It’s definitely rubbish.

My son also has dinos shoved down his neck at every opportunity. I love dinos myself but let’s face it, they’re only put on boys’ stuff because they’re big and fierce. My daughters gets rabbits on everything. The socialisation hits early and I get frustrated with how how limiting and unquestioned it all is. The whole boy mom/girl mom thing is so mindless and unhelpful. Gender reveals also have a lot to answer for. I don’t think things were quite so divided when I was growing up. We need to challenge and push back on this so well done you for starting this AIBU

The whole thing is a load of hocus pocus honestly. I have 1 of each. My DD is my live wire, my DS is the most chilled wee guy on the planet.

And do not fucking start me on the mum’s that are “devastated” they’ll be on “dads side of the family” that they’ll never be “mother of the bride” or get to buy dresses or any of that bullshit. As if daughters are just barbie dolls to be dressed up and forever cater to their mother’s emotional needs.

These are the women that go in to be the nightmare MIL and sadly in 2024 they are alive and well.

it's a generalisation based on observations of friends/ playgroups/ social situations, not a scientific study. I find 'girl mums' generally have a far quieter, less physical, less boisterous time. I have one of both fwiw.

I just find that so bizarre. I don't understand what these "boisterous" boys are doing to tire their parents out so much? And I have one with ADHD! Also, hard disagree on what you think constitutes difficult parenting, when I think about what is challenging about parenting it sure as heck isn't about energy levels or entertaining them. When I see the issues my siblings are dealing with in regards to body image and friendship groups with their daughters that looks a lot more challenging.

“Boy mum” here.

2 kids and been part of 2 NCT groups so lots of thoughts.

First NCT - 2 girls 6 boys. Most boys very active from a very early age - running off, climbing etc. My boy was very calm and happy to sit. Of the two girls, one was calm and one more active (but still not the level of the boys 😂)

Second NCT - again 2 girls 6 boys!! Again most boys very active - including mine this time so I got to see what it was like 😅 The girls do seem more placid this time.

But with the higher number of boys it’s hard to tell. I’d be interested to know if we’re in a higher boy birth rate currently so maybe people are seeing more boy babies? I know this happens in cycles with birth rates.

So my question would be - how much is nature / nurture? Are girls more likely to be directed to sit quietly and read - and boys to be allowed to jump around? Although in my experience you can’t really make an active child sit still.

So I don’t think you can say 100% that boys are more active/naughty whatever / but in my experience maybe a higher percentage of boys are more this way hence the stereotype.

Also what algorithm have you hit upon that you constantly get these videos?? As a boy mum I very rarely have seen these. Probably get loads now on my feed.

My friend has a boy and a girl

The boy loves reading, baking, quieter stuff
The girl is usually wrestling a sheep, plastered in mud or trying to bring chickens in the house

Yes, it's all nonsense. I've got one of each, and DS is by far the more reserved one. Loathes things like football, no interest in Hot Wheels sort of stuff. Very happy to sit and read, the sports he enjoys are swimming and tennis; he likes cooking and violin lessons from his dad. DD is the one running barefoot and refusing to have her hair brushed. Growing up, it was me who was the wild child and my younger brother was far happier to just go along for thr ride.

Children are individuals. Trying to shoehorn them into particular roles is weird, and I think these people have just happened to just have a wild child, regardless of sex. Look at adults; my DH would rather gnaw off his own arm than watch football/rugby and drink beer. On the other hand, our female neighbour runs the local kids football team and wouldn't touch wine with a bargepole.

It's the same as this "Mummy needs wine" shite. People trying to fit into a niche so they're part of a group, usually to excuse their own (or in this case, their child's) behaviour. Kids are loud and messy. That's normal. It isn't reliant on sex.

Two girls here. Very, very different. I think most of it is down to personality

I suspect parents of one sex have different views to many parents who have both, we are more readily able to see the personality differences and less likely to get hung up on their sex. Not all before anyone jumps on.

Urgh yes- those people make my skin crawl too. I feel so sorry for daughters of women like that- they are in for a life of ridiculous expectation and God forbid they dare to be their own person

My girl is harder work than my boy, more boisterous, less easy to reason with, never sits still (love her to bits but just giving a picture)! Boy mum stuff is a load of rubbish IMO.

It's because mums of boys are looked down on. You get loads of annoying comments when you only have boys.

It's also true that boys are louder and more boisterous on average. It's averages though, so there are also loads of quiet boys and noisy girls.

More boys have special needs, they do less well at school on average. They are also less likely to go to university.

And yet gender disappointment is always centered around having boys on here. Why is it that so many women prefer to have girls? Especially if there's no difference?

I've had people ask me if I'd wanted to adopt a girl . I didn't choose a sex which basically meant we'd be matched with a boy because girls were primarily requested.

As for " nightmare mils ", maybe there are an equal amount of nightmare dils.

It starts with this "toddler boys being unruly rascals" videos and goes on to single-sex school "aficionados" doing mental gymnastics to prove boys and girls need to be educated separately, a BS most of civilised world moved away from.

I do think on the whole boys and girls are very different in development but I don't think that means girls cannot be risk takers or challenging and it doesn't mean boys cannot be calm and quiet. Boys have testosterone surges at a young age and there are studies showing the brains develop slightly different giving girls more emotional intelligence at a younger age where as boys are more willing to take risks. It doesn't apply to all children though as every child is unique. I also think society plays a huge role because the expectations of boys and girls is so vastly different and studies need to be taken lightly as there are so many variable. Boys get away with more but are given less room to be vulnerable or emotional.

Lots of people seem to think having a girl is a blessing and pity those who are due to have boys as if they are missing out on some magical bond that only exists between mother and daughter. I wonder if these posts are 2 fingers up to that by pretending it's such a hard life being a boy mum knowing they will be validated in the comments section.

I think the boy mum posts are just as annoying as all the other tik tok/instagram trends. It won't be long until something else equally annoying comes along and everyone jumps on the bandwagon.

But you yourself just made reference to the 'typical girl' and how three of yours are 'not typical'. You're reinforcing the very stereotypes that annoy you. This stuff is so ingrained. 😣

If 3 out of your 5 girls are boisterous and active, then it's perfectly typical! They're in the majority!

And yet here we are in a country ran by boys, for boys. Only 2 women have ever been Prime Minister, 20 of our PMs have gone to the same all boys school. It’s difficult to buy that boys are so disadvantaged are underprivileged when you live in a patriarchal society that affords them every opportunity over women.

I remember being on baby centre when eldest was a toddler and someone describing a little girl at their son's nursery as flirting with the boys because her mum had invited a boy over to her house. They were assigning adult motives to her and talking about her as if she was a femme fatale/seductress type. It was really unpleasant. The mother went on to have two daughters and I hope she didn't carry on this sort of thinking into their upbringing.

It’s difficult to buy that boys are so disadvantaged are underprivileged when you live in a patriarchal society that affords them every opportunity over women.

You misunderstand. It is the big mums who are looked down on, not the boys themselves.

*boy mums

I find it's often parents who's dc are all the one sex that perpetuate this nonsense, my friend only has girls and was always rolling her eyes and commenting on how differently boys play, and my sisters who only have boys are always sighing and commenting negatively on girls interactions.

I think most people are keenly aware of societal messaging that suggests the best thing with multiple children is to have both boys and girls. Unfortunately some react by becoming toxicly obsessed with pushing the message that they would hate having a child of the opposite gender and identifying with the idea of being a boy mum or girl mum and perpetuating a lot of sexist ideas.

The poster is not saying she subscribes to the view of "typical girls" she is talking about society's view of typical girls. That's why she put it in inverted comments.

In my experience it’s the mums of girls who reinforce this! Always saying things like, “I’m so glad I’ve got girls - they just sit and colour quietly for ages and take themselves off to read their books! I couldn’t cope with all the physical energy that boys have!”

I only have very physically active boys so mine do fit the stereotype. I know some calmer boys but the mums of girls I know all swear their daughters are calm, non-physical and love art and crafts!