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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sleep when the baby sleeps & chores can wait - theory vs practice

62 replies

Netball01 · 22/10/2024 11:10

I have a 3 week old baby and all I’ve heard is to sleep when the baby sleeps and chores / laundry can wait. Which is really nice in theory but AIBU to think it’s impossible to implement?!

He seems to have really long wake periods so when he’s asleep i feel like it’s a race against time to get things like eating and showering done let alone chores and naps. I’ve got an absolute mound of laundry to get through that really can’t wait as baby is running low on clothes.

did anyone else find this ?! Or am I missing a trick somewhere. DH is out the house at 6am for work and is trying to get home by 7pm but not always possible with work. He does as much as he can when he’s Back but there are some things that can’t wait.

OP posts:
Haroldwilson · 22/10/2024 11:17

Can you put baby in a soft sling and do some chores that way?

It's enraging because sleep when the baby sleeps suggests you can also sleep any time of day. On the other hand, you probably can't sleep when the baby's awake so there isn't any other bloody time!

That's a long day - could DH WFH a bit or you plan to move nearer work? I imagine he's not helping that much at night?

If you can afford it, have a cleaner come to help.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 22/10/2024 11:18

I think a balancing act tbh. Mine are 6 and 2 now and I do as many chores as I can while they are awake, leaving more time to do what i want, be it sleeping or watching TV. My youngest still naps so I generally relax when he does sleep.

When younger mine needing a lot of attention, but were better in the sling, leaving my hands free to do things like cooking or hanging out laundry.

And there are some chores that can't wait, I always prioritized cooking meals and laundry, but would let other things slide. You gotta eat and its too cold in the UK to be naked!

LoafofSellotape · 22/10/2024 11:19

Don't be afraid to put the baby down for 5 mins while you put a wash on.

sleepylittlebunnies · 22/10/2024 11:21

I was so sleep deprived from night wakings that napping when the baby naps was how I survived. Even with DC2 and DC3, I would try and coordinate one nap a day when we all slept at the same time.

I did take the easy way of bunging a load of washing in and transferring it straight to the tumble dryer and then just folding it and putting the basket on the stairs to go up whenever. I would put a bouncy seat thing in the kitchen when I cooked. I tended to bath rather than shower, baby in the bath with me then handed to DH to massage and dry off while I relaxed before feeding to sleep.

Not everyone manages naps but I still enjoy the odd nap and my 3 are teenagers now.

JanuaryBirthdays · 22/10/2024 11:21

Chores can be done when baby's awake in a sling/bouncer listening to some music (to occupy them from crying if they're that way inclined (2 of my 3 wouldn't like being put down but music helped sometimes )) Small bursts of 5 minutes jobs. Chuck something in the oven for lunch that needs no input except taking out when cooked. Have a mugshot. Have a pot noodle. Warm up some homemade soup or shove some toast in the toaster.
Take the bouncer in the bathroom when you shower. They'll like the sound of the water.
Try to get things done when they're awake, then when they're asleep you may find time to relax!
Washing up can wait. Chucking a load into the washing machine shouldn't take long, if you have a dryer even better, if not - I'd invest.
Nothing has to be perfect. You just have to get through as best you can and be kind to yourself ❤️
Some days you'll achieve loads and others will be spent just staring at your baby. Both are good days.

Eenameenadeeka · 22/10/2024 11:22

Are you able to do some laundry while baby is awake? Or are they quite fussy to put down? Can be so hard to juggle. I would use a baby carrier a lot when mine were small to try and get things done. It's a very long work day for your husband which doesn't help either

Peskydahlias · 22/10/2024 11:23

At that age with our first child DH was back at work but basically did all the things you are describing. So during the day I just looked after the baby and sorted my meals, if I could do the odd but of tidying that was a bonus. Sorting washing and hoovering etc I did generally do as it could be done standing up with the sling on, which I used a lot. But if I did nothing so be it. When your DH gets home he probably needs to eat and then do an hour of housework, and that should tide you over. He needs to do the washing.

Stretchedresources · 22/10/2024 11:23

Yanbu. I was always too stressed to nap when mine slept. I've not napped since I've had dc's.
I did prioritise a decent lunch though. Then laundry and a little tidy up.

Borninabarn32 · 22/10/2024 11:23

Baby in a carrier. You just have to be tired.

Olika · 22/10/2024 11:26

I was so tired all the time that I had to try to sleep when DD was asleep. I did housework when she was awake and at her bouncer. I took her and the bouncer to the bathroom when I wanted a quick shower. Or I just waited until DH was home.

Sunseeker83 · 22/10/2024 11:32

Sleep when the baby sleeps is the worst bit of parenting advice. It's just not physically possible for most people and if you are on your own then you need to crack on with other stuff.

Have a look at wake windows, your baby should really probably only be awake for 45 mins at that age. The more time they sleep, the more time you have. Don't do anything you can do when the baby is asleep that you can do when they are awake. And just know that it gets easier.

SJM1988 · 22/10/2024 11:33

I did a mixture really. Some days I would do chores/shower/eat, some days I would sleep. Depends what I felt I needed to do more. Most days chores/eating won out though as I couldn't relax enough to sleep knowing the washing needed doing. Sleep deprivation just had to be coped with.

Its hard to find the right balance but from about 6-8 weeks I could start putting my DC's down more when awake (neither were a fan of being put down or the sling though). I could get small bursts of like 5-10 mins throughout the day that would add up to being able to get quite a bit done while they were awake.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 22/10/2024 11:38

I can't just fall asleep at the drop of a hat like a cat, and even when working nights I would find daytime sleeping pretty hard and inefficient. Plus I hate a messy, dirty house so just neglecting everything didn't sit right. So yes I did use nap time to get things done. DH and I took turns at night from day 1 so neither had a totally broken night every day.

jolota · 22/10/2024 12:04

It depends, I carried my baby in a sling so when she was awake I could put a wash on (takes 5 minutes), stack the dishwasher, wipe surfaces down, hoover. But basic stuff. Or I just waited and did it when my husband was home if it felt like a day when everything was unmanageable. I didn't sleep every time my baby did but one nap a day definitely helped a lot with the tiredness. I let big cleaning things slide, and only did those on weekends when there was extra time & support.
I put her in the bouncer in the bathroom to wave at her whilst I showered or I got up early to shower before my husband needed to work.
I actually found making meals the hardest as that required the most amount of solid time to make then eat.
But if you can, just lower your standards a bit for household stuff in the early days when things are tough & you're tired. I actually find napping hard but sometimes just laying down and resting helped, or having 30 minutes to myself with a cup of tea and a book or tv show. Depends what you need, what makes you feel calm and rested in those moments.

Also - hanging clothes out took ages, so we caved and got a tumble dryer which saved so much time on laundry.

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/10/2024 12:13

Trying to get to sleep when you're overtired and know you need to be asleep within 10 mins is a recipe for stress and complete failure to get to sleep.

It was a relief to go back to work because I could sleep on the train.

MereDintofPandiculation · 22/10/2024 12:14

it’s a race against time to get things like eating and showering done let alone chores and naps. Eating is necessary, showering is not, unless you're going to be in a room with someone who isn't your husband.

Hercisback1 · 22/10/2024 12:18

Sling and baby does jobs with you.

CynicalSunni · 22/10/2024 12:25

Its a balancing act, some days sleep when you need it, others do a few chores.

No point in depriving yourself of much needed sleep just to get chores done. Your house will be a mess but itbwill be either way

PlayDadiFreyr · 22/10/2024 12:37

Sensory lamp, music, and a bouncer. Use for 5-20m bursts to get a few things done simply. Especially things that include bending over etc.

I hate to be that person, but this was the easy point for doing chores because a) the baby can't make mess and b) they can't follow you around.

Re: laundry - I changed my baby for routine/freshness, but everything was worn twice unless soiled.

Rhubarblin · 22/10/2024 12:40

I agree with previous comments re doing all jobs when baby is awake. Then napping when he's asleep. You definitely don't need to wait until he is asleep to eat or shower. If he's fussy (try a sling, although some hate them) or it's fine to pop baby somewhere safe for a few minutes to sort things out.

Noseybookworm · 22/10/2024 12:46

Yes much easier in theory than in practice! I would pop baby in a sling or bouncy chair and get chores done while they're awake. Even if you can't sleep while baby is sleeping, it's worth having a lie down and read or watch tv, it's still resting.

Alina3 · 22/10/2024 12:49

I found that nonsense.

When the baby slept, I was needing to pump, or shower, or grab food, clean/tidy, then the baby was awake again!

Unless you're lucky enough to have resources like a cleaner or family who will come and do the dishes and clean the house up you can't afford to just not do chores or cook. You still need to eat and to live in a sanitary enough environment.

When people would say that to me I would just laugh and think wow, imagine being them. Some of us have to do our own cleaning and washing.

265IceCream · 22/10/2024 12:56

Yeah it's soooo easy to fall asleep in the middle of the day, totally overstimulated from breastfeeding and taking care of baby, and knowing you may have 10 minutes or 2 hours of peace. Yeah, let me see the cunt who can actually do that.

Sympathies OP, I have an 8 week old and it's hard. I definitely did not do any chores at 3 weeks though. Like, nothing. I was just a zombie, on the sofa, with my boobs out.

DoublePeonies · 22/10/2024 12:56

Sleep when the baby slept was the only way to get 6 broken hours sleep every 24 hours.
The rest of the time he was feeding, or in a sling doing stuff with me. Or screaming because I had the audacity to put him down to cook or shower.

You need to find what works for you and your baby.

Duckmamahere · 22/10/2024 13:02

I would first of all take some pressure off - at 3 weeks postpartum you’re still recovering from birth and adjusting to your new life!

When you get into the swing of things I would say it’s a balancing act and it’s dependent on what your baby is like.

At that age naps are so unpredictable, you might have 10 mins or 3 hours.

I personally am someone who always tried to do chores whilst my DC were awake. It’s okay to spend them precious first weeks cuddling up to your newborn but reality is life still continues so I would try and do some chores whilst he was on his playmat or in a sling.

I have friends who really struggled with this, when their DC were awake they never ate, drank or did chores so we’re always at rock bottom. I can see why it’s easy to get into that routine, but I personally did try and put my DC down or in their bouncer / play mat so I can quickly wash up, sort laundry or eat.

Nap times… Take care of your basic needs first, if you need a quick nap then have one. If you are hungry eat, if you need a shower then shower. Then do some chores.