Sleep when the baby sleeps & chores can wait - theory vs practice

[Netball01]

I have a 3 week old baby and all I’ve heard is to sleep when the baby sleeps and chores / laundry can wait. Which is really nice in theory but AIBU to think it’s impossible to implement?!

He seems to have really long wake periods so when he’s asleep i feel like it’s a race against time to get things like eating and showering done let alone chores and naps. I’ve got an absolute mound of laundry to get through that really can’t wait as baby is running low on clothes.

did anyone else find this ?! Or am I missing a trick somewhere. DH is out the house at 6am for work and is trying to get home by 7pm but not always possible with work. He does as much as he can when he’s Back but there are some things that can’t wait.

It's a stupid saying, you need to be at collapsing point to fall asleep instantly when the baby drops.

Even if you TRIED, you are more likely to finally fall asleep when the baby decides to wake up and feel even worst.

That said... it's HARD with a baby, no question. But we tend to make it harder with number 1: when you have 2 or 3 or more, you are forced to get on with life, even with baby. Kids get fed, dressed, laundry get done, school run done and so on.

You need to do your laundry when your baby is awake, there's not other solution. Put him down for the 1 minute it takes to fill the machine and start the wash.
Put him down to empty the machine and hang the clothes.

Tiny baby don't move: you can lay them on your bed safely and fold the laundry while talking with him.

Or you can try a sling if you fancy them, I hated slings and never used one.

Try to regain the time your baby sleep as YOUR time, it's rare enough, but it helps to have a cup of tea and chill.

My baby would sleep in two hour chunks from about 11pm to noon. So I did too. I actually got quite a lot of sleep that way. I went to bed at the same time as the baby for quite a while.

I didn't wait for the baby to sleep to eat. I'd plonk dc in the play gym or use the carrier for that.

Similarly with critical housework.

It's stupid advice and even worse when said to a mother who also has a toddler.

Just do as close to nothing as possible when they're this small. When the baby is awake you spend time bonding with him, when he's asleep you rest or eat or nap if possible.

When DH is home ye needs to spend some time bonding with the baby if awake or doing chores if asleep.

What really needs to be done? Meal prep and cooking, spray and wipe for bathroom and kitchen, laundry. At weekends shopping, changing beds, vacuuming and any further cleaning can be tackled, and you get to lie in both days if you're up in the night doing feeds.

It does get easier. You've got a tiny baby, spend your time on that .

This is exactly what I posted too. It’s all so overwhelming as newborns are more demanding of your needs but they also don’t move and so many mums (or dads) fall into the trap of doing no chores when their baby is awake and then spend the whole of nap time running around the house.

I know some babies hate being put down, but I do feel like they get used to it.

I used to feed my son, change him and then play for 10 mins or so on his mat with him then bring him with me and I’d wash up or clean whilst chatting to him in his bouncer. If you have a high needs baby maybe use a sling. It meant that nap times I could shower and relax.

I used to eat and then sleep when my DDs were at baby/early toddler stage.

Possibly put the washing on and then have a nap.

Mine lived in slings so I could get stuff done. I am also not a napper so could never do the sleep when they do.

I did used to stick them in their bouncer as I showered and allowed them to cry during it. It's important to take a moment to ensure you feel good too.

Just used to put mine down to do stuff like bung washing in, prepare food or shower. I really don't understand how a baby " can't" be put down for 5 minutes. They are small and immobile so quite easy to pop in Moses basket or bouncy chair

Although it's not easy to sleep when they do. Especially if you have an older one also

@Gogogo12345 mine has reflux so after feeding him for 20 minutes, I need to hold him upright for at least 30 minutes or he would throw up everywhere. Then he'd need a nappy changed. Then he would start the hiccups so needed holding again. Then it's time for another feed, another hold, finally he would fall asleep. Sometimes he would scream as well the second I would try to put him down and yes, I eventually had to put him down to wee/eat, but it was horrible.

Now at 8 weeks it's not like this all day anymore but most of the afternoon (I don't know why he's so unsettled in the afternoon) so I feel for OP.

And at 3 weeks they are too small for a bouncy chair.

I hate all the “sleep when the baby sleeps” etc advice as mum of a 6 month old! My daughter is & always has been a velcro baby, never had a day time nap not in my arms yet, so I can’t sleep! I use her nap times to watch TV and just chill out!

I do all eating/cleaning etc while she’s awake whether with her in baby carrier or with her in play pen/play mat beside me.

You just have to figure out what works for you and makes your life easier, there’s no right or wrong

He screams if I leave him in the Moses basket or bouncer but I will try the sling to get a few bits done.

Unfortunately we don’t have a tumble drier so I have to get the washing outside rather than leave it for my husband when he gets home

Also I know newborns aren’t meant to stay awake for more than 90 mins but we have a cycle of nappy change, long feed,
burp and repeat which can go on for hours. He’ll drift off while feeding but then wake himself up when he unlatches

He is still so little and loves being close to mummy.

But I just wanted to say it is OK to leave baby in a safe space for a few minutes in a bouncer, cot, moses etc if needed. Never feel bad for having a few minutes to re group, to get a drink, to shove the washing on, to make yourself a sandwich.

They also get used to it if you regularly put them in Moses for a couple of minuites throughout the day.

It’s not so much a long commute just a long working day for DH and he’s trying his best to wfh where possible / get home early but flexibility is limited just by the nature of his job.i might look into a cleaner for a few weeks as i don’t feel good in a messy or dirty house

But it's less than 2 mins to load the washing machine and 5 mins to make a coffee and sandwich for yourself. Nothing terrible will happen if he cries for that time.
What do u think happens if you are dealing with an injured/ sick/ need attention ok older child. ? Can't be doing that as well as cuddling a baby constantly

I did sleep or at least rest when baby did. I prepped food ahead of time (overnight oats for breakfast, slow cooker for dinner, soup ready to heat for lunch, drinks made in a flask or travel cup) and made myself a station of wherever I was going to sit that day and feed with water, drinks, fruit bowl, book and TV remote so everything was to hand. Often I'd feeding my bedroom so I could doze.
I was / am a single parent if I didn't get some sleep during the day I'd not have been able to function.

Laundry sort into piles and chuck it in then into tumble drier. Put the first one of the day on a timer so it's done when you get up.

Baby sling is useful for getting knocked with things when they are awake and you can chat to them whilst you do things.

Our DS was jaundice and was like this for the first month, I think a lot of them are.

Tips that worked FOR US

replacing bottle or boob with dummy whilst drifting off, meant he was still suckling.

Feed right boob, nappy change, feed left boob. The change in the middle wakes them up for a nice decent feed.

remember every baby is different and that you’re doing great. Babies aren’t robots, none of them follow the should be or shouldn’t be guide x

Hanging washing outside, take LO for a walk before the washing machine finishes, he'll fall asleep. Leave him in the garden whilst you pop in and out hanging bits up.

I think "Rest when the baby sleeps" is more realistic, with my first she had really long wake windows and only cat napped even when napping on me. I also had a real nervous response reaction to her crying so leaving her for longer than a minute or two really stressed me out and upset me. She also wasn't overly keen on the sling unless we were outside when it would take her a good 15 minutes or more to fall asleep. The first 6 months were tough but it slowly got easier after that when she could play on her own with a few things whilst I did jobs and she started having longer naps so we'd have a nap together in my bed as she still wouldn't be put down.
I now have a 13 week old and the difference between them is night and day and I can do all of the things people suggest and if it wasn't for the toddler I'd be getting so much sleep!

I slept when the baby slept loads. I'd eat and do laundry etc when baby was wake. I had one really chilled baby and one very angry and shouty one, what I was doing didn't change it tbh.

When baby had morning sleep I did chores,prepped dinner etc
Afternoon nap I slept

I found I whizzed through the chores in the morning, chucked stuff in slow cooker which was much easier and I felt better than if I left it all until the end of the day.
Also if grouchy, baby in a sling.

You can keep him latched on in a sling. It's basically what kangaroos do!

I did chores whilst they were awake either on a playmat having a kick around or in the sling.

This might sound daft but with my first, I tried to imagine myself having a toddler to juggle as well - as many people do (and I did about 18m later). So if I couldn't find time to make lunch I'd wonder how I'd manage if it wasn't lunch for me but a toddler, and then I'd find it was ok. As new mums we are often rubbish at actually listening to our needs, so it's often better to pretend they are for someone else.

Sleep when the baby sleeps. Yes, and vacuum when the baby vacuums, cook when the baby cooks... Easy peasy!

I have a 6 month old and when he was that little I used a sling like many others have suggested. I also felt like I couldnt sleep when the baby slept because I didn't want the house to be a tip.

I did have to come to the conclusion that if I managed to get one job done while he napped then that was good enough. He has just had a nap for an hour and I managed to make the dinner, put the rubbish out and load the dishwasher so overachieved today!

I did most the house work with my babies (and later toddlers). On a blanket/playmat at the floor or in a sling. Why not?

That's the other key part when you are three weeks in...outsource anything you can comfortably afford to, cleaning, meals (Cook meals are great, they do a new parent bundle), gardening, anything! I appreciate lots of people can't afford to but it makes a difference if you can. Also get all the dirty clothes in the washing machine ready each night and get your husband to turn it on as he leaves the house in the morning or put it on a timer. Then the next day you only have to think about hanging out that small load and you keep on top of it.

And please remember that this is the biggest adjustment to your lifestyle that you'll probably ever make. It gets easier as it becomes the new normal.