To have had enough of partner replying 'Obviously' instead of 'yes'?

[JennaRink]

My partner is foreign from another country in Europe but his grasp of the English language is very good.

So I've noticed he has this annoying quirk where you'll ask him something and instead of replying 'yes' he'll reply 'obviously' or 'yes, obviously.' I've told him it comes off as rude and sarcastic, and all he needs to say is yes.

I've seen him do the same with 'of course' instead of yes, except he tends to catch himself if it's in a shop or something/in public as though he does realize it's off.

It always reminds me of this clip from Downton Abbey where the waiter says 'obviously' and gets told off for being rude!

Making a mental note and trying to change the way you speak is not something that happens overnight. She's only actually told him twice, which isn't "repeatedly" enough to expect it to have taken yet.

It's also not over-the-line rude - it's a subtle linguistic nuance, not using a swear word when you intended to say "cat" or something. Her reaction at finding it so intolerable that she's posting on the internet about it suggests that the problem is more her reaction than his effort.

Of course it makes a difference. I speak four languages and teach three of them. It's pretty hard to keep on top of all the subtleties of a language that's not your native one. You can easily get set in certain little linguistic habits which aren't exactly wrong in the foreign language, but which echo the phrasing of your mother tongue and therefore have a very slightly different nuance to them.

OP - you know your partner. Based on your relationship generally, is it likely he's doing it to be deliberately dismissive or rude to you? I don't think the fact that he 'catches himself' when saying it to a stranger is necessarily proof that he is. It's natural to be more conscious of your manner when speaking to a stranger. With you he's presumably more relaxed and therefore likely to use language that just comes naturally to him.

I imagine it is translation related. It's completely normal and not rude to use 'claro' in Spanish and 'certo' in Italian in this way. I expect there's a similar usage in other European languages.

I don’t think it’s that difficult for him to stop saying “obviously” if he’s been told that it comes across badly.

It’s in his interests to do so as it will make him seem very condescending to anyone who doesn’t know English is his second language.

It doesn't come across notably badly. I wouldn't really think anything of it beyond one of those quirks of someone speaking in their second language and certainly wouldn't consider them rude.

Also is everyone ignoring the OP's post where she said she'd only told him twice?

Is he Spanish by any chance?

in Spanish, “yes of course” or just “of course” is used very commonly and it doesn’t quite mean what it would mean in English. In English it sounds like you’re suggesting the other person is dumb for asking but in Spanish it’s just like a clear yes.

But OP isn’t incorrect in this circumstance. It IS rude to answer ‘obviously’ when asked innocent questions such as ‘would you like some more potatoes?’, ‘have you put the bins out?’, ‘I fancy watching an action film, don’t you?’

Context matters.

If my DH asked me if I put the bins out when he sees they are not there and we have a gated fence, obviously would be my answer.

I can see how “obviously” can be annoying and rude in context, but “of course” not so much. I’ve heard plenty of English-speakers from several countries say “of course” and not sure in what context he is using it that comes off as rude.

This thread is emerging as one where monoglots, or people whose idea of fluency in more than one language is based on Duolingo, are really not getting it.

I agree with @MrsTerryPratchett and @gannett -- it's easy to develop verbal tics in a second language, and having been told a total of twice by someone that it annoys them is not going to be enough to lay down new linguistic habits, especially if there's no implication of 'You should already know this' to the word or phrase in his native language.

It's fairly clear the relationship is waning, from the OP's POV if she's this irritated that he's still saying it, after she's told him twice.

I have a Hungarian friend who says 'of course!' instead of yes. It used to make me bristle horribly, but I realised that it's just a nuance of English rather than a fault of hers.

I think it can very well be translational (to coin a phrase). If he's being condescending you'll know from other things he does. And if he does say it generally (like in the shop) it's just one of those things. No harm in telling him it comes across as rude, but mentally replacing it with a "certo" might make you feel better.

I have Polish connections and while my Polish isn't great, I can give a similar example - if I ask a Polish person if they'd like tea, I wouldn't be super surprised if they say oczywiście, which literally translates as "of course", or maybe właśnie, which is "exactly". It would be more usual/conventionally polite to say a variation of "with pleasure" or "I'd love some", like chętnie (gladly) or prószę (please). But I've definitely heard them say the former. I'm not entirely sure if it's a language fad (in Sweden there's currently a fad for answering "absolutely" instead of a plain "yes" which gets on your absolute nerves after a while) or an example of Polish people being ever so slightly condescending/abrasive. (I'm sorry Polish people, you know exactly what I mean! As a Polish friend once said to me, with much exasperation: "The problem with Polish people is they have no chill!" and he then proceeded to unironically argue with another friend about where they should park. But I digress.)

Many many years ago I was in Russia and while being guided around various sights-to-be-seen I notived and was annoyed by our guides always saying "in this very house so-and-so was born/died/the world famous musician lived". My Russian-speaking companion explained they were literally translating a common Russian phrase, which in English ends up sounding overly "out-pointing" (to coin a phrase) but in Russian is just mildy emphasising. It would have been enough to stress the this I mean, but they had a little translation tic. Not rude, but after a while annoying (I said nothing of course).

It's not that simple. As PP said, and I keep referencing so I will quote her:

My perspective would be that answering "of course" or "obviously" can indicates keen or enthusiastic agreement. Which makes sense in some situations eg "Would you like custard?" "Can you help me clean up after the party?" "Do you think it's worth applying for the job?"

However, answering "of course" or "obviously" can imply that the question is unnecessary and did not need to be asked and the person who asked it is lacking in intelligence. eg "Did you notice that actor was also in the film we watched yesterday?"

OP isn't a language teacher, nor is she even slightly versed in his language. It also bristles to be corrected repeatedly when you are doing the hard work and they aren't.

It seems to be a function of the English. Whenever I've tried to learn other languages, people are kind about it. I learned a very obscure language recently to go to a certain country (where the language isn't spoken really outside that country). I was DREADFUL but never corrected. Everyone told me how marvelous I was! Grateful and happy is the correct response when you can relax in your language while someone else speaks it.

To him it could feel like saying absolutely, exactly, for sure. To emphasize agreement.

He may just not have picked up the rudeness nuance - no matter how good his English, there will always be little bits like that.

Is he generally inclined to be a bit of a shit? If this is another example of that sort of behaviour - it needs stamping on.

But if he's just missing the understanding that in English it can come across as rude, because he doesn't intend or feel it, then keep up the message

"Remember in English, in the UK, when you say 'obviously' it makes you seem dismissive, bad tempered and rude.

Do you actively WANT people, including me, to believe and feel that about you?

Because if you do, then go right ahead. And accept the consequences!

But if you don't - it's very simple, just stop saying it. It doesn't mean what you think it means."

When someone says "Obviously" this is what jumps to mind:

@LookItsMeAgain Brilliant - OP, just play him that!