To have had enough of partner replying 'Obviously' instead of 'yes'?

[JennaRink]

My partner is foreign from another country in Europe but his grasp of the English language is very good.

So I've noticed he has this annoying quirk where you'll ask him something and instead of replying 'yes' he'll reply 'obviously' or 'yes, obviously.' I've told him it comes off as rude and sarcastic, and all he needs to say is yes.

I've seen him do the same with 'of course' instead of yes, except he tends to catch himself if it's in a shop or something/in public as though he does realize it's off.

It always reminds me of this clip from Downton Abbey where the waiter says 'obviously' and gets told off for being rude!

If it's his second language, it's a bit different.

Sometimes it's a translation thing

I think you are getting fed up, or the "ick".

So is he Italian? Because "Certo" is like an enthusiastic yes, although it translates literally to of course. "Chairo" translates to "clearly" or "obviously" but it signals emphatic agreement rather than confrontation. Imagine other languages have similar. In Italian, just saying "yes" with no additional comment can sound abrupt and rude, so it's like a reflect to add something.

I get that it's annoying but it really is hard to train yourself out of using such common words. Have you actually explained to him why it's rude? Get him to understand what it means and then find the translation in his language. Even for people who are really good speakers of a second language, the nuances and subtleties take a long time to get really comfortable with.

I'd also teach him an alternative. Something like "yes, sure" maybe is more the right tone.

If he can control it when he's out and about but not with his intimate partner then that's just contempt.

@MargotEmin if it's contempt then that's really not good.

I'm not with him all the time, so he might well do it to others.

I'd quite like to ask that question. 'Do you respond to your boss like this?'. I'm going to have to explain why it makes me feel the way it does and ask him to take it seriously.

I want to know why he treats straight forward questions as foregone conclusions. If it is translation related then I need to know!

I've noticed a couple of my Polish colleagues tend to use "of course" instead of "yes". I just put it down to a quirk of translation.

@JennaRink

could he, with you, use his native word?

to me, that would be a reasonable compromise, then let him do his own thing with the outside world. 🤷🏻‍♀️

It is kind when I give him gentle encouragement to work on changing it (on-off partner - that detail left out before as seemed superfluous), otherwise will get the raging ick and leave for good.

Weren't you complaining about him only recently on here, the man with ASD who was stressed about travelling to the airport at a certain time? Is there anything you even like about him?

Who is he? Professor Snape?

As far as I can tell the OP has asked him not to do it twice and witnessed him catch himself out and about once.

Two reminders is nowhere near long enough to train yourself out of a second-language habit of many years and if he's caught himself since it sounds like he might actually be trying to do what the OP wants.

But I think she's hugely unreasonable for it anyway. Part of the deal with going out with someone who speaks English as a second language is that you deal with their linguistic quirks without making them feel bad or making their not-quite-fluency all about your own feelings.

Well here’s the man:

@RenoDakota are you the OP with a name change?

Yes, but once it's pointed out that the direct translation doesn't work here, you tend to switch it out. And find a phrase that works in the language you are speaking. If you do that enough the new phrase just becomes automatically how you express that idea in the foreign language.

No. Just got into a sort of related chat with another poster. Context lost with replies to replies.
Sorry if it slightly derailed / confused things.

Adding obviously to yes, doesn't seem to me an 'obvious' misstep related to having ESL. Its not as though it's a commonly used alternative to yes, it means something entirely different - that the answer to your question is obvious and therefore your question unnecessary. Have you explained to him what obviously means and that it isn't just another way to say yes (unlike "of course', which can be used that way as a definite 'yes').

But a native speaker has repeatedly told him it’s not the right phrasing. Why would he continue to use it?

If he’s taken the time to learn a second language he must have listened to teachers, been taught, corrected etc. The OP is continuing to ‘teach’ him in a way as a native speaker, but for some reason he’s not listening to her.

Claro in Spanish too

All good @RenoDakota

@Ace56 OP isn't his teacher, she's his girlfriend. And he can choose to use his idiosyncratic phrasing if it feels right. Frankly, some native speakers of English are worse at their own language than some ESL speakers. "Why can't the English teacher their children how to speak?" to quote My Fair Lady. As PP said, sometimes you can use his phrasing and sometimes you can't.

I think OP has the ick and is being picky. Let the poor man be. Especially as he's her partner and she's only 'planning' to learn his language. Sounds unkind to be so annoyed with his semi-fluency when she doesn't speak his language.

You could learn his language. This way, he wouldn't have to speak yours every time he wants to communicate with you.

It isn't easy to speak English all the time when it isn't your first language. It can get tiresome. Also, some English native speakers find most things rude or too direct... not only do you have to learn the language, but you also have to learn very well how to speak it to avoid hurting sensitivities.

Sometimes, it just gets tiresome.

Btw, for those people saying you should do it back to him, I don't think he would notice...I don't think he is intending to be rude.

Well said...👏

To me, it assumes I should already know the answer and am an idiot for asking

You're right. Have you actually explained this nuance to him?

Welsh is like this. Even though I’m totally bilingual, I think I often reply in English with things like “I will”, “I have”, “I can”, a lot more than non-Welsh speakers do. It just feels more natural! Like “Have you finished eating?” “I have.”

@MrsTerryPratchett But OP isn’t incorrect in this circumstance. It IS rude to answer ‘obviously’ when asked innocent questions such as ‘would you like some more potatoes?’, ‘have you put the bins out?’, ‘I fancy watching an action film, don’t you?’

If OP has repeatedly explained why this is not the correct ‘turn of phrase’ then this is completely on him - he’s choosing to ignore her and continue using it, which may be symptomatic of other issues eg. a lack of respect for her. I’m semi fluent in another language, and if a native speaker told me ‘by the way, we don’t really tend to use that word like that’ then I would definitely make a mental note and try and remember to stop using it - I don’t see why you wouldn’t!

Learn his language, and learn it well, before you criticise his English.. Don't just plan to do it, do it.