To have had enough of partner replying 'Obviously' instead of 'yes'?

[JennaRink]

My partner is foreign from another country in Europe but his grasp of the English language is very good.

So I've noticed he has this annoying quirk where you'll ask him something and instead of replying 'yes' he'll reply 'obviously' or 'yes, obviously.' I've told him it comes off as rude and sarcastic, and all he needs to say is yes.

I've seen him do the same with 'of course' instead of yes, except he tends to catch himself if it's in a shop or something/in public as though he does realize it's off.

It always reminds me of this clip from Downton Abbey where the waiter says 'obviously' and gets told off for being rude!

Rude. Set him straight.

Two languages doesn’t make a difference - he’s showing himself up.

This was my first thought with reading your post. I'd be so tempted to keep a clip of Snape saying it on standby ready for whenever he says it. I guess you could ask him who he thinks he is (Snape), but I have a feeling that might go over his head 🤣

Have you said anything to your SIL about it? And if so, has she made any attempt to change it? I ask because someone close to me does that and it is becoming almost unbearable. I have mentioned it (kindly) many times but despite saying they will work on it they never, ever do.

If he's agreed to stop saying it but (giving him the benefit of the doubt) finds himself unable to break the habit, you'll have to do something visual and dramatic to change his brain, like throwing something at him. Many men find it hard to really hear us, so resorting to mild violence is the only way
Married 30 years to a (finally) fully trained man.

I hope all the people calling him rude and saying he should change are flawless in several languages. If not, I suggest they try. It's much harder than you think.

I think explaining why it can sometimes come across as rude would be a good idea. Otherwise he might think it's a preference you have.

My perspective would be that answering "of course" or "obviously" can indicates keen or enthusiastic agreement. Which makes sense in some situations eg "Would you like custard?" "Can you help me clean up after the party?" "Do you think it's worth applying for the job?"

However, answering "of course" or "obviously" can imply that the question is unnecessary and did not need to be asked and the person who asked it is lacking in intelligence. eg "Did you notice that actor was also in the film we watched yesterday?"

Could you ask your boyfriend if he can see the difference between the two situations? I'm assuming that it is only the second type that you would like different answers for.

It might just be that he is concentrating more when talking to people he doesn't know or in more formal situations. I've noticed my MIL who isn't a native English speaker makes more mistakes when she's at home and I don't think it's because she is deliberately trying to annoy her family, she's just more relaxed at home and so not working quite as hard at her English. It must be quite exhausting to be speaking a second language all the time and it doesn't really surprise me if people "switch off" a bit when they're with loved ones.

Stowell is obviously not a waiter. He is a butler.

¡Claro!

Slap him next time he does it

"Oh. How so? That sounded quite rude".

I speak Spanish so I do understand what people are saying about the Italian 'Cierto' as well

However I would never say the exact translation in English as it's rude. But maybe others would if they didn't realise.

Obviously.

Or to take a colloquial term from where I am, just reply "K sound mate" and nothing else

As @MumDoingMyBest says, sometimes it's rude, sometimes it's not. And sometimes it's tone, which is really difficult in another language.

Do you want another drink?

"Obviously!" 👏 Or <sigh> "obviously". 🙄 Very different.

“Obviously” is much ruder than “of course”.

I know native English speakers who do this! Particularly one woman I worked with. She'd say stuff like "No, I really like purple" as if she was responding to someone saying "you hate purple, don't you?" or at least referring back to a previous conversation.

I asked her why she started sentences with no and she completely denied it. Even when I pointed it out immediately, she'd say "no I didn't".

I concluded that she had absolutely no idea she was doing it, and I guess that goes for all the others too.

Can you give us some examples?

I have a friend that does it and it is a bit annoying, but I can't put my finger on why, exactly.

I think she means 'yes, obviously, that's no bother'

but sometimes feels like'yes, obviously I'd do that, only a heathen wouldn't!'

🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

@AutumnLeaves24 I can't think of anything right now even though he does it all the time!

It's always the most innocuous examples. Like 'do you want rice with this?'.'Are you free tomorrow?'. 'Do you like pineapple?'

Honestly it could be anything. Tbh no matter how HE means it, I always perceive it as being the latter.

That was a really long clip, OP. Can I get my 10 mins back?

Anyway, perhaps play it to him?

@JennaRink & @Minnie2012 Why on earth did both of you marry people who annoy you so much?!

“To me, it assumes I should already know the answer and am an idiot for asking.”

this is exactly what it means.

sounds to me like he’s trying to put you down.

It might be worth a try- even just to see how he reacts and if he feels insulted by it being said to him.

You haven't mentioned it kindly though. Mentioning it because you don't like it was just being rude.

As regards your own DH OP I did think it may be the way they answer in his own language and therefore a direct translation.

“As I mentioned, he caught himself doing it in a. shop recently. He said 'of course' and then went 'oh ha ha, I mean yes, why would it be of course' (because it was a question - like all the bloody questions I ask him!)”

so he DOES understand why it’s an inappropriate answer to a “yes/no” question!

He self moderates around other people but sadly he doesn’t care about how it’s making you feel when he does it with you. 😔