Mum and sister bitching about me

[Jeansontoast]

I really need some perspective. As I feel hurt by the words of my mum and sister but I don't know how to act on what I've been told.

So I've always thought my mum and sister discuss me behind my back, on occasion, being a bit bitchy. Well long story short I have seen some messages on my mums phone from their WhatsApp conversations. Basically slagging me off, saying things like how I post cringey stuff on Instagram (I really don't think I do, but that is subjective, I suppose), how I have too much time on my hands, and conversations between them where my mum is playing the victim to my sister in arguements I've had with her.

A bit of history, as alone, this might not seem too much of a big deal. But the past year, especially while I've been pregnant my mum has become very bitchy about my partner and my choices to my face. When I was having doubts in pregnancy she made me feel terrible for contemplating an abortion and walked out on me in a cafe, despite me being pretty vulnerable and crying on the phone to her the day before.

She has recently had an arguement with my 12 year old daughter... where she called her a bitch and a little shit. Saying she hates how she turned out. This was triggered by my daughter asking her to tidy up, when my mum created an awful mess.

So hearing of these messages between her and my sister, is just another thing that is really making question my relationship with the both of them. And what I should do next. Any advice?

BTW, I didn't go looking for these messages. Someone else went through her phone and then thought to tell me about what was said on WhatsApp.

I'm so sorry you are going through this, personally if my DM was calling my DD names I'd be at the very least limiting my contact with her, that is truly awful. Sometimes it's hard to move past things as suspecting someone is saying awful things and actually knowing they are is very different. I caught someone calling me names on CCTV and I do have a relationship with them but I also find it incredibly hard knowing what they said about me.

Your mother’s comments to your daughter alone would make me go low contact, let alone all the rest.

I wouldn't fall out with them directly—I bet they would love that. I would distance myself and limit what they can see on my social media—slow ghosting, basically. I don't think a confrontation would do anyone any good.

I would do exactly this.

Did you post before about your daughter being on holiday with your messy mum? I wouldn't have contact at all with my mum or sister if they spoke about me and my partner and children like that. Why would you want them in your life?

Yea that was me. Obviously, should have thought more about letting her go away with her. She had a lovely time with the rest of the family, thank god.

You're right, I think they would. Just another thing to bitch about. Good idea, thank you

I'm always in two minds as she is getting older and more miserable, it seems. I don't want to feel an awful sense of guilt by going no contact in the last years of her life.

OP that sounds horribly upsetting for you. Sending hugs! Lots of them.
I can relate somewhat to the kind of behaviour you mention, and long story short I am VERY low contact with both my parents now and I dont talk to my sisters anymore. I feel free tbh. Not a path I would advocate, its not without pain, but not having that toxicity/drama anymore in my life...yeah I choose that. Good luck.

I do suffer guilt btw

She's never been like this toward my daughter before

She is still my mum, and I can detest what she does and potentially go no contact, while still feeling guilt. These 2 things can exist at the same time. Emotional ties are hard to cut.

I've not seen her since

Not relevant to my post