To be sick of the word gaslighting?

[NotOneOfTheInCrowd]

Thats it.

Every time someone has an experience they don’t like they say they’re being gaslighted.

People need to and look up the meaning of the word, because by throwing it around so casually has led to the trivialisation of genuine abuse.

My DH likes to pull small pranks on me and my kids. Most of the time they are harmless and funny. But one time I got irritated and I shouted at him he was gaslighting me…. Which was obviously not really the case. So now we have the joke that I’m “meta-gaslighting”, because I try to make him believe he is gaslighting .

Stop
gaslighting OP!

In all seriousness I had no idea what it meant

There’s an old 1940’s(?) film where a wife is tricked - I watched it on you tube-
and assuming it came from there, where the husband turns up and down the gas lamps in the house.

Quite an entertaining film to watch.

It’s free on you tube- or was.

Or Vimeo.

Literally snorted at this!
🤣

Gaslighting Hubster waltzed in at Midnight 🕛.
DC had a meltdown as he wasn’t there-
Im going to get my ducks in a row
🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆🦆

and go grey 🪨 rock.

I’m already NC with his parents.

I’m crying and shaking, led on the bed.

Can I have a hand hold?

My Anxiety is through the roof
I have PTSD over him going out til midnight 🕛

I use one a lot. I sound like a right twat though.

Literally.

Hahah, mine was going to be narcissist as well. The use of the word to describe just generally twattish behaviour.

"Gaslighted" is worse. Why isn't it "gaslit"?

Gaslighting
Narcissist
Super anxious
Triggering

So over-used on MN

Amazing

It seems to be used to describe pretty ordinary things now.

Oh god yeah triggering. And the need for trigger warnings on threads.

And posters being berated for not putting trigger warnings on threads about things like spiders. Even if the thread title mentions the word spider there should be a trigger warning apparently.

Well it is clear what you mean!
I think.

I'm not fed up with the word but I don't like the way it has become watered down so that it just means lying or avoiding.

I think it’s expected that the mumsnet forum is going to see the word narcissist a lot because it’s the kind of confusing dynamic that people will ask questions about. Everyone knows what an alcoholic is, we all understand physical violence and cheating, but not many people understand the strange minefield of narcissistic abuse, because often it is the fear, confusion and control without the violence.
So it’s the kind of thing that will pop in a post when women feel like their relationship is shit but they don’t know why. I personally think it’s underused rather than over used.

And teachers are always ‘screaming in DCs face’ poor thing 🙄

Narcissistic personality disorder affects 1-5% of the population so the amount of people who are actually in a relationship with a narcissist is vastly smaller than the Mumsnet population claims it to be.

This, thank you! As someone with actual PTSD who is actually 'triggered' in the clinical sense it's hard and sometimes distressing to see the word overused by anyone who is very upset (who might also be suffering dreadfully, not denying that for a moment)

Yes, and so few people understand the difference between 'triggered' and 'deeply upset (which are both horrible experiences of course) that it's hard for anyone with PTSD to talk about it.

I don’t have PTSD but this annoys me too - on behalf of people that do actually have it! Do you feel like you have to explain yourself if you talk about it? Like qualify it with “I have actual diagnosed clinical PTSD” so people understand that you’re not just “having a bad time”

Thank you! I actually came on this thread to point this out. 'He gaslighted me'. No, the past tense is 'gaslit'!
And do not get me started on 'so I text him and said...' TextED, please!

Yes, precisely. People going around diagnosing others with actual clinical personality disorders when the majority of them are not psychiatrists is shocking. Even an actual psychiatrist would find it difficult to diagnose NPD in someone they have never met and only based on someone else’s say so.
The closest I have ever come to using it is “I think he is a very good candidate for potentially having actual NPD”

Incidentally, those stats are interesting for two reasons… firstly, most of us will meet at least 100 people over the course of our lives which means the probability of us meeting an actual Narcissist at some point is quite high and secondly, people with NPD rarely go and get diagnosed with it and they never think anything is wrong with them so I wonder how they get those stats.
I think I heard Jimmy Carr describe it as they have the illness but you get the symptoms which is accurate

@Errors thanks for being understanding, I do feel like I have to say I've been diagnosed yes, although only when talking about myself...

...when others use the word 'triggered' I just listen (sometimes secretly I'm a bit judgemental) because I feel that usually underneath their poor use of the term they are trying to communicate their genuine distress in some way so I try to look past the use of the word.

I think trauma and PTSD are definitely overused. I suffered a trauma earlier on this year (the real definition of the word). I wasn't diagnosed with PTSD but Acute Post Traumatic Stress. For it to qualify as PTSD you have to have symptoms for over a year and the criteria is hard to meet.

I think most people could have a little therapy for what was bothering them and they'd be fine (or alternatively pull themselves together). I've had a lot of therapy this year and it's still a work in progress.

It doesn't have to be for a year, it can be just several weeks to meet criteria for PTSD.

Hope your therapy is helping you to heal.

I find this upsetting too. Actually being triggered, having a flashback and all the things that come with it, is really upsetting. For me, it feels like my whole body reacts and my mind dissociates. I think if people knew the reality they wouldn't do it. Hope you're okay xx