I did the right thing, didn’t I?

[ChocBanana]

I’m a school teacher. About a month ago, I made an anonymous referral to SS about the child over the road who we hear screaming day and night. The day I reported it he was screaming “please don’t leave me! Don’t do that mummy!”

I have just had the mum knock on my door asking if it was me who reported her because SS have just been to visit. I denied it because I don’t want to cause any issues, I want her to get help. It turns out the child is SEN and often screams out with no context.

I asked the DSL at work if I should report it, he said “you must. If something happens and you didn’t it calls into question your whole career. What if it was a child here and you ignored it to keep the peace?”

I just messaged OH to tell him she’s been round and he said “serves you right for sticking your oar in.”

I did the right thing though, didn’t I? I was right to report it. Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility.

*And before everyone jumps in to say “why didn’t you offer to help her”, don’t pretend you would have done so. I don’t know the woman and every time I have said hello she blanks me. She’s not going to ask me in to babysit.

This will happen to you again (through work) during your career. Might as well take the opportunity to develop resilience to it. X

I’d feel inclined to write those social workers a nasty letter about what cunts they are

But social services help might not be a bad thing for a Child with SEN . I know care packages are hard to get but possibly the social services knowing how bad things can be could escalate some respite care being arranged? Just as child abuse cases sometimes end in fatality, there have been cases of tragedy as a result of a parent with an SEN child unable to cope.

Or am I being naive?

It wasn't a one off, or 30 seconds a few times a year with a child having a tantrum. You noticed a pattern of behaviour that didn't feel okay. I think people also forget just because a child has SEN it doesn't mean they can't be abused. In fact, there are extra risk factors to abuse.

You did the right thing.

You absolutely did the right thing. Hopefully some good will come of it, and Mum will receive support. This can only benefit the child.

Your OH on the other hand sounds an absolute tool. So he'd happily ignore a situation where a child may be being abused?

I'd be telling him to take his oar and get rowing as far away as possible. He's not a good person with those views.

I’m more concerned about what an arsehole your OH is… he’s just ignore what could be abuse or neglect would he? Champion of a man.

You did exactly the right thing.
I'd send a couple of news links to your H re some of the children who could've been saved had someone "stuck their oar in".

It feels like calling the fire brigade or ambulance to me - always better to call if you're unsure and they're happy to attend a few well intentioned false alarms rather than one call left too late.
In fact why aren't SS the 4th emergency service? They are exactly as vital yet under appreciated and under resourced.

Wish the mums next door would have reported my mum. School tried. I was too young to be aware of the abuse and SS closed the case, how they didn't with all the arguments and screaming and shouting I don't understand. She even locked me outside in my underwear once

You did the right thing, based on a real and valid concern. It's not your job to establish and decide if everything is ok there, that's what SS is for.

Definitely right to report. If there's nothing in it then the case will be clos d. If it's a family struggling then it opens door to support. If it's neglect/abuse then you potentially saved a child.

People see ss as the enemy, as getting parents in to trouble. It's bullshit ss is there for the welfare of kids.

Exactly this.

Your husband either has no knowledge about safeguarding children. Or he is a horrible person who doesn’t care about safeguarding children.