I did the right thing, didn’t I?

[ChocBanana]

I’m a school teacher. About a month ago, I made an anonymous referral to SS about the child over the road who we hear screaming day and night. The day I reported it he was screaming “please don’t leave me! Don’t do that mummy!”

I have just had the mum knock on my door asking if it was me who reported her because SS have just been to visit. I denied it because I don’t want to cause any issues, I want her to get help. It turns out the child is SEN and often screams out with no context.

I asked the DSL at work if I should report it, he said “you must. If something happens and you didn’t it calls into question your whole career. What if it was a child here and you ignored it to keep the peace?”

I just messaged OH to tell him she’s been round and he said “serves you right for sticking your oar in.”

I did the right thing though, didn’t I? I was right to report it. Safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility.

*And before everyone jumps in to say “why didn’t you offer to help her”, don’t pretend you would have done so. I don’t know the woman and every time I have said hello she blanks me. She’s not going to ask me in to babysit.

Safeguarding is EVERYONE’S responsibility. Unfortunately far too many people don’t want to ‘get involved’ or ‘stick their oar in’, your OH included. How many horrific cases do we hear about when neighbours must have heard horrific abuse and did nothing? It beggars belief that people still just shrug their shoulders and do nothing. If you have concerns, report it. SS will investigate and can decide either way if intervention is needed. You did the right thing and your OH is an unsupportive shit.

Of course you did the right thing!

do you know how many adult survivors of childhood abuse say.
adults around me must have known. if only one person had taken the time to report it. Even if nothing had come of it I would have known now looking back SOMEONE cared enough to try to help.

it is heartbreaking to see the deep pain of an adult who needed and desperately deserved help looking back remembering how no one ever even cared enough even to make a phone call.

on the flip side of the coin if there’s nothing to take action on then S/S will bugger off and leave them alone.

either way it is our responsibility as adults in society to protect our vulnerable members. If it turns out we were wrong nothing comes of it but if it turns out we were right that could potentially change the landscape of that vulnerable persons life forever.

Yes. Yes and yes again! Think of star Hobbs, Arthur Hughes and Sara sharif…. Maybe if someone had ‘stuck their oar in’ they would be alive.

I hope you’ve let your DH know how much of a arse he is OP.

I wish someone like you had reported my mother to Social Services when she was trying to kill me, I was already in care and this was during forced visits to her, social services didnt believe me when I told them what she was doing but they might have believed a neighbour. It took a judge in court for me to finally be heard but I'd endured over 2 years what I can only describe as torture.

You might have been saving another child who was going through what I had, you are brave and commendable and I wish there were more people out there like you sticking up for us little ones that have no one who cares about them.

You did the right thing

You did the right thing by reporting it. I think one massive problem we have is that the cases that get reported is when social services gets it wrong. Of course it's true mistakes happen. Children are sometimes removed from their loving home completely unnecessarily, or left in a home to be beaten to death. However social workers are trained professionals, contrary to popular belief, they aren't going to rush in, take a child away and get the parents sent down, because some random neighbour phoned them. If there it's a problem they will see this and leave the family alone.

You were correct and did the right thing. Anyone could have reported it so she doesn't need to know. Your DH knows fuck all about safeguarding.

Btw if her child has SEN, the likelihood is that she also has some ND, which is why she blanks you.

You absolutely did the right thing. And maybe it will help this mum to access suitable help, I know in some cases it does.
Your DH didn’t want to report it himself- fine, but his comment towards you was so twatish that it would lead me to question the relationship with him. Sorry.

Hmm I’m not so sure with this one, you are a person that could make our lives even harder at the moment.
Our Dd became very sick over the summer and developed what Drs think is Pans/pandas
Dd literally changed overnight from a happy, healthy little girl to having awful thoughts and screaming and shouting multiple times per day, The worry and upset and stress on our house has been devastating, as we scramble around desperately to get her help. When she goes into a rage, we cannot calm her down, we cannot reason with her, it’s horrific and the screaming and shouting must also sound horrific.
We are going through the worse time of our lives, to receive a visit would make things 100% harder.
Could you have knocked on the door yourself? Did you notice this child was happier/ok before? Our neighbours know our child and were used to seeing a very happy family around the neighbourhood. I would hope, have they heard us, that they would approach us if they felt worried at all and possibly try to, I don’t know, help?
I’m a teacher also.

I work in a school and understand the safeguarding policy of 'it's everyone's responsibility'. It is true. If we ignore things that don't sit right with us, and something happens to that child, how would we then feel? Dreadfully guilty and wondering what we could have done differently. You did the right thing, please don't allow your husband's opinion to make you feel bad, for doing what you thought and deep down still think you did, what was right.

You're a teacher, is mandated reporting not a thing there? Here (US) you'd have to report it. You wouldn't have had a choice.

Could you have knocked on the door yourself?

And what good would that do if it turns out she was abusing her child?

She's hardly going to admit it to the woman who lives across the road 🤦‍♀️

Is the child a pupil at your school? I'm just wondering if the parent of this child only chose YOU to ask about the report, maybe s/he asked every single house on the road though.

And of course you were right. All it takes for evil to flourish is for good people to do nothing,

Of course you did. Serious problems very often only come to light because of a succession of small reported incidents that add up to a real concern. Well done.

Is your DH thick, or just nasty?

And as for your OH ....... he just wants an easy life. But a child in distress does not have that privilege unless someone steps in to help.

ONE THOUSAND % YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.

(had to do it in caps because you was sooo right)

Ridiculous that she knocked at your door and confronted you.

Also your dh is a nasty specimen I hope he has some redeeming features.

When I reported a neighbour for leaving a ds about 7 when they went to the pub my dh went batshit.. Told me they were a crazed family and he hoped they didn't find out it was me. No thought for the poor lad screaming out through the locked door letterbox that they had gone out and left him.
In time I left him.

@JustWondering2024 Thanks for your sensitivity.

What does this even mean?

Do you honestly think the neighbour would've admitted to the OP that she was abusing her child, if she actually was??

No, knocking on the door of any child who you believe may be being abused, could make matters 1000 times worse.

And I'm sorry but as a teacher yourself, you should know that.

@JustWondering2024 I mean by the way you addressed my post.

This 1000%

You absolutely did the right thing.

To the PP, while it can never be pleasant getting a visit when you've not done anything, the alternative, not going get a visit when something is happening, has much worse consequences for the child. It also might be an opportunity to seek support if you haven't already. If things in the house are that bad that someone feels the need to call social services, you may benefit from being on their radar anyway, not because you're doing anything wrong but because they might be able to offer support or at least be aware of the situation for the future. And I don't think a neighbour should be responsible for investigating what's actually going on - reporting concerns is absolutely what should be done, even if does mean you might have an upsetting visit.

Your DH's reaction is weird. The fact she came round to find out who it was also rings alarm bells.