Is this sexist?

[WillLiveLifeAgain]

I work for a small but very successful building contractor. I cover everything office based, all accounting, logistics, transport, HR - a very varied role. I am also the only female in the firm. This is relevant.

I’m regularly required on site for progress reports and client meetings. I have a great relationship with the team of builders. We banter but it’s respectful. One thing that irritates me, one or two of the team usually ask me if I’ve brought the biscuits/ice creams when I visit sites.

Full disclosure - for client meetings I usually organise refreshments and make the tea for the meeting attendees, ie client, architect, my boss, etc. The building team don’t attend. I’m very happy to do this as part of my role.

AIBU to feel the comments from the team are sexist and they wouldn’t say this if a man was in my role?

Yes it is but what to do? Knowing the culture of the building trade they wont learn or respond to any reprimand in a kind way. Your best bet is probably just to give back "no my little lady hands couldn't hold the heavy kettle"

I would probably stop making the tea for clients though. You're there for your expertise not tea. Of they want tea then they'll need to employ an assistant (I'd hire a male intern!)

In my experience site people always ask office based people if they’re buying the breakfasts/getting the biccies in
probably more of an office / site thing than a sexist thing

Not the worst thing a team of builders could say. Yes it’s sexist but I’d reply with something like I thought you knew I was coming today and you were getting cakes in.

You don’t know that they wouldn’t say it to a man who organises refreshments and makes tea as part of their role.

I don’t see it as sexist at all

'Nope, that's for client meetings only.'

I know not work culture in the same, but I also work in a company that has site work (albeit not builders!) and the jokey expectation is that when office folk go to site they buy the biscuits/lunch. It's all pretty light humoured, and not sexist where I am as I've seem it happen to men plenty of times!

As a male with lots of experience with factory and site visits, trust me this gets said to males in similar roles to you.

I wouldn’t say it’s automatically a sexist thing. My DH is an architect and brings donuts when he visits site. The expectation to bring something is there.

“Not the worst thing they could say”

No it’s not, but does that make it right?

None of the males in the company get asked this.

I work in construction and it’s hit and miss. A lot of the sites I go to the site manager does the biscuits/teas/breakfast rolls not someone from the office team. I find it more sexist in the office (more so in my previous role) that I’m looked at to make teas/coffes etc. in my current I will sort out lunch etc but more as part of my role

I agree and for site meetings I do. But what I’m talking about is a quick ad hoc site visit where I’m there to take a meter read or take a couple of photos for the client.

Don't see it as an issue.
You are office based and they are not, IME the office based staff are always expected to provide refreshments for contractors/field staff. A visit to Greggs on the way to site was obligatory.
We had engineers/contractors in our office all the time and almost the first thing they asked was where the tea & sandwiches were (and ice creams in the summer). This was directed to whoever they came across first whether they be M or F.

I'm not sure I regularly have meetings on building sites as a woman and it's not uncommon for me to have a bit of banter with the guys and ask the site manager where he keeps the biscuits.

I think the meeting element is causing confusion. I do supply refreshments for meetings.

The area I’m feeling is sexist is when I turn up on site to carry out a brief task (no meeting). I’m there to do a job, much like they are. They don’t ask each other if they’ve brought the cakes in.

Then clarify this. Say no this is part of my role for meetings, I don't just wander around with biscuits.

I’d think it sexist if you didn’t organise food for eg meetings but since you do I’d assume it’s just part of your job?

Then clarify to them if you want. I think it probably just comes down to the fact that some times when you go there you bring biscuits and it’s just a joke on the other days.

Honestly there are so many actual problematic things women need to deal with in the workplace I personally think you’re making a mountain out of a molehill. What’s wrong with a quick comment back about thinking the custard creams were on them that day?

Are you the only person coming to site from the office?
If there are client meetings, are they on site or in the office? Ie do you sometimes bring refreshments to site and sometimes not?

I fail to see how the fact there are far more problematic issues (which I have faced as a woman in a male dominated world) makes this a lesser problem.

Believe me I’m aware of some of the sexual harassment in the workplace and have experienced it in this role and others.

I’m not an extreme feminist and find some of the opinions on the feminist board a little over the top, but some of the opinions here are borderline misogyny.

I’m the only office based staff.

I visit site more often for odd jobs than for meetings. Odd jobs daily, meetings monthly.

In what way is stating that you are making a mountain out of a molehill misogyny? Do you even understand what misogyny is?

You often turn up to this location with biscuits, other times people joke where are the biscuits, it’s a total non issue.

Well, say something then!
It isn't difficult.
If you know they would not ask the males this, call them out. Challenge them.
They are very unlikely to read MN, so how else are they going to know?
I worry for the future evolution of the female spine

calm down! I didn’t say your mountain molehill comment was misogyny did I?

Yes I understand what misogyny is, do you know what patronising means?

It might be a non issue to you, thanks for your opinion!

Borderline misogyny? Where? Which posts in particular?