Is this sexist?

[WillLiveLifeAgain]

I work for a small but very successful building contractor. I cover everything office based, all accounting, logistics, transport, HR - a very varied role. I am also the only female in the firm. This is relevant.

I’m regularly required on site for progress reports and client meetings. I have a great relationship with the team of builders. We banter but it’s respectful. One thing that irritates me, one or two of the team usually ask me if I’ve brought the biscuits/ice creams when I visit sites.

Full disclosure - for client meetings I usually organise refreshments and make the tea for the meeting attendees, ie client, architect, my boss, etc. The building team don’t attend. I’m very happy to do this as part of my role.

AIBU to feel the comments from the team are sexist and they wouldn’t say this if a man was in my role?

But isn't the fact that you are seen to bring these to site occasionally, irrespective who for, the reason why it's said

If you had never brought anything do you think it would ever be mentioned and its more of by association rather than sex

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks and you don't need confirmation on here. If something makes you uncomfortable and you can challenge it, then do so.

If they ask where the biscuits are reply with "not sure where did you leave them?" Or ask one of the other blokes if he's got the biscuits. Bat it back to them.

It's mild sexism as they are expecting the female to provide the biscuits as they see it as a female role so you need to challenge it.

I'm just wondering why you feel the biscuit issue needs challenging and addressing but the sexualised comments don't or has that already been formally dealt with?

I think this comes under the ‘micro aggression’ banner. I see the same where I work. For example, men will be greeted with a ‘hello sir’, while women don’t get any of the same respect.

I agree. It’s not sexist.
If God appeared, amongst the gasps of shock and awe, a builder would ask if he’d brought the lads a bag of sticky buns.

Saying wore things happen is not misogyny. I haven't seen any misogyny either.

It definitely is a trend on MN these days that disagreeing with anything women say is called misogyny. Or my favourite, expecting a woman to take responsibility for her own situation is internalised misogyny.

I’m in exactly the same role as you. If there’s friendly banter make a joke of it. You can say you’re too important to waste time, your Mrs told me you’re on a diet, or you don’t get paid enough. You choose. I take our boys ice lollies on boiling hot days, not because I’m female but because it’s a nice thing to do and good for morale.

I think you want a particular answer OP and are challenging those offering alternative views.

But since you asked the question, here goes.

In my opinion, your colleagues are gender-steteotyping. But they could be doing so much worse so I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Doesn't mean I'd ignore it, though. Next time, I'd say 'I've drawn up a biscuit rota for future meetings. Joe Bloggs, you're next.' Point made, solution found, without a lot of debate.

Might be, might not be. Difficult to tell without knowing your colleagues, really.

One of my colleagues is the only man on our team, and since he’s quit smoking he’s become a prolific baker! If he doesn’t bring something he’s baked when we have a meeting, we usually feign horror but of course we are joking as there is no expectation for him to bring anything at all.

I think the fact is you feel this is sexist.

What will do you about it?

Did you deal with the other worse incident?

I've been in this environment. I would let the biscuit comment go but I'd be asking the site team to make the drink at their next meeting to readdress the balance if you are senior

It's nothing to do with you being a woman or meetings.

The general expectation is that office people bring goodies when they visit site. It stems from the perception of office people having tea and biscuits the whole day long, not from you being a woman. It's rare for women to visit my sites, but we have male visitors frequently who are always asked in jest when they're getting the donuts out or something similar.

I didn’t mean to imply that it was therefore ok. It’s not a hill I’d be prepared to die on. But it if it’s bothering you so much challenge them or report them.

You said there is banter ... and this sounds like banter. There are more important things to get precious about.

I worked for one of the utilities and visting staff / managers male and female
were asked and did quite often bring biscuits cakes or something

Then ask them where the biscuit tin is and when are you getting a cuppa?

Exactly this, I also work on sites (woman) and if we're getting a visit from an office person we tell them to bring the biscuits/cakes/bacon butties. They could be the boss, H&S, quality, social value person, male or female. With regards to brewing up we take turns and the only time I'm asked to do it, is when I haven't for a while.

This sounds like a much more obvious bit of workplace sexism but it's one you can take ownership of given your seniority. Delegate the tea making to your junior colleagues. Unless for some reason their penises render them incapable of boiling a kettle.