Is this sexist?

[WillLiveLifeAgain]

I work for a small but very successful building contractor. I cover everything office based, all accounting, logistics, transport, HR - a very varied role. I am also the only female in the firm. This is relevant.

I’m regularly required on site for progress reports and client meetings. I have a great relationship with the team of builders. We banter but it’s respectful. One thing that irritates me, one or two of the team usually ask me if I’ve brought the biscuits/ice creams when I visit sites.

Full disclosure - for client meetings I usually organise refreshments and make the tea for the meeting attendees, ie client, architect, my boss, etc. The building team don’t attend. I’m very happy to do this as part of my role.

AIBU to feel the comments from the team are sexist and they wouldn’t say this if a man was in my role?

I don’t think it’s sexist and you don’t know if it was a man in your role they wouldn’t ask him, your just presuming there. If you normally take biscuits when you visit then they might just expect them each time if sorting refreshments is normally your role.

I think it is, not sure what you can do if anything, and to be honest a lot worse seems to still be part of your trade in some places.

Just to be clear, I’m not saying this is the worst crime of the century. I’ve never said anything about it IRL.

I’m aware “worse things happen” - I had a sub contractor who regularly stared at my chest, squeezed by me, touched my arm/leg and this was much much worse.

I wanted opinion and I’ve had it, thank you. I will just get on with it and laugh with the rest of them.

Why won't you challenge it rather than laughing along with the rest?
Why is this such a difficult thing to do? Will you lose your job if you do?

Then which post was misogynistic? It’s not misogyny to disagree with you, I can’t see a single post that could be referred to as misogyny.

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood because, as this thread has shown it’s a minor issue. By challenging it I’d look like a trouble causer/raging feminist. I’m neither, I just wish there wasn’t any differential between me and the team. But that’s like wishing inequality didn’t exist and that isn’t going to happen.

If this is the worst of the sexism you are experiencing I am really happy to hear how much the world has progressed. It's not necessarily the case that they would treat a man in the same role differently - your rile clearly includes greasing the wheels of sociable good relationships between the clients and the builders and making tea for and providing biscuits for clients is part of that which either a man or woman could do. So if team members are aware of this they might well banter about fancying a biscuit - I would say you're better off working on some sarky put-downs

How about "When you are bringing in half a million pounds of business to the firm Charlie, then you might be worth a jaffacake, but until then you sort your own"

@Completelyjo I think you just want a row but to answer some of the earlier posts and the ones that say “worse things happen”.

It’s not the worst sexism I’ve faced. Does that make it better? If I’ve had comments about how great my tits look today does that make this issue worse?

Umbrella not sure, I think it's usual for the "visitor" to bring biscuits I.e. you're not permanently based on site.

I used to do a job in a bank that involved visiting lots if offices. I and others in my role, male and female, would often take biscuits.

But unless people call it out, it will continue.
Telling other women about sexism will not

I think some women need educating on sexism in the workplace but take your point.

Unfortunately I think the 'sexism' is inbuilt into your roles as you are in a traditional female job involving provision of support and domestics, while they are in the traditional male manual roles. I think in this case rather than asking for food because you're a woman they are referencing what they see you do in your job. Tbh if you were a female senior they probably wouldn't ask and if you were the male apprentice you'd be sent on food runs, so I think you'd struggle to make sexism stick here. Doesn't mean you can't assertively have a word and tell them to stop though if it bothers you.

Thanks. I am senior, second to the Director. I deal with all of the finance, contracts, health and safety, customer service. As a woman I also make tea for meetings. There’s less senior men attend the meetings but I make the tea.

Why do you make the tea? Sorry I think I've misunderstood. Is it your role to make the tea? If it's not just make a joke and say oh I think its someone else's turn I've been doing it 3 years!

My guess is they would say the same thing to a man in your role but they would do so to mock him as a male in what they perceived to be a woman's role and therefore it remains mysoginistic (oh look at steve he's getting the tea cups out like a little lady).

It might not be a huge act but it is sexism and a power play that undermines how competent you are perceived to be.

I’m expected to make tea as I work in the office even when the meetings are on site (mostly).

OP you’re not wrong to be suspicious of this - assuming that women make the tea and provide food is a sexist thing in general. But it’s very muddled here - you’re the only one that does ever provide tea and refreshments because it’s part of your actual role. You’re the only one who turns up to site sometimes with refreshments to clients meetings (is this right? Are they on site or in the office?). And you’re the office person who comes to the site, and lots of people have said - rightly in my experience- that office visitors, male or female, get asked about provision of treats very commonly.
So given all that, it’s just as likely it’s because you’re the only refreshment provider, and office visitor. It’s fine to challenge but given all the things above, I would challenge by saying “is this a client meeting? No? Well, no biscuits then!”

If you were all site workers, or all office workers, or you weren’t the only one who provided biscuits, and you were getting asked this, it would be damn sexist.

When you have the client meetings, is there any way you can delegate some of the refreshment provision to someone else? It feels like it wouldn’t hurt your colleagues to see one of the men on refreshment duty on occasion…

Well that's a bit of a drip feed isn't it. Your op was asking whether comments about biscuits was sexism. If you are also receiving sexual harassment why are you making posts about biscuit comments? No one should have to tolerate sexual harassment.

Please read the thread. It’s not a drip feed and I’m not receiving tits comments, I used this as an example of just because something worse happens doesn’t mean this is a non issue.

Agree. If you’re pretty senior and there are more junior people there, ask them to do it.

Then I'd be addressing that because there isn't any reason why you should be providing domestics, and that where the sexism is at its root. The guys on site are just referencing the role your employers have given you. Because you're a woman.

Isn't that becuase you're "hosting" the meeting though?

To show sex discrimination you need to demonstrate you are treated unfavourably compared with a male in the same position. This falls down if you're using the site guys comments as arguably they are treating you unfavourably (expecting you to provide food) because you have a different role to them rather than a different sex. In your meetings however, the other men are in the office with access to the kitchen the same as you, yet you are singled out to serve tea, so there is your comparitor. If it were me I'd have a word with my boss. I'd say that the guys seem to be expecting domestics from you and it would help to give the message you don't do that if you weren't always seen to make tea.

There’s less senior men attend the meetings but I make the tea. Ask them to make tea.

Back to the original question...I do think you should point out that you only do it for the meetings. But it absolutely can be done in a light hearted way. You won't come across like a raging feminist.

"Oh sorry to disappoint you!...I only bring them in for meetings. You can get them in on the days you know I'm coming I like custard creams thanks!"