Friend catfishing neighbour on Insta - tell him?

[TwinklyBlueEagle]

My friend made a fake account for laughs on Instagram last year using photos of a model from Brazil and she has started using the account to catfish one of our neighbours because she thinks it’s funny. She has made it look very genuine and if I didn’t know it was fake I’d think it was a real account.

I personally think it’s really naughty to deceive someone I know into forming a relationship with a fake woman. I jokily told her she should stop but she didn’t think I meant it. The whole thing doesn’t sit right with me though but if I tell him she’ll think I’m a right backstabber.

What a sadistic person! You should not be friends with someone who has this kind of character.

Count me in as seeing it as victim blaming to say he should have been able to tell it was a fake account, because it absolutely is. You then repeated that assertion a second time.
Saying somebody should have somehow known (via psychic powers, perhaps?) a person is a scammer is indeed blaming the person who is being scammed. That's the reality.
Regardless of what one thinks about that, you don't report people for having an opinion about your post that you don't like. It is not a violation of MN policy to have unflattering opinions about other people's posts. Are you new to the internet or something?

Yup, this isn't just 'naughty' its fucking horrible.

And suggesting 'one would hope he has the sense to block', the poster implies that if he hasn't well he's brought it on himself/deserves it in some way, which absolutely is victim blaming.

You don't get away with it by implying it rather than saying it right out, and arguing the toss after the fact is just digging the hole deeper.

Yep, calling you out too. Definitely comes across as victim blaming.

Report to Instagram
Mention to neighbour what your friend is doing (without saying you know it's him)
Dump mean friend

YABU not to have nipped this in the bud already. How can you be friends with someone who thinks this is OK?

It is good that people call out victim blaming where they see it.

The psychology of victim blaming is simply explained here: www.verywellmind.com/why-do-people-blame-the-victim-2795911

Victim blaming occurs with all sorts of crimes and unpleasant incidents like bullying.

Victim blaming allows people to believe that such events could never happen to them.

Victom blaming is harmful to individuals because it shames them and is harmful to wider society because it deters people from seeking help.

Tell him, he might develop feelings for her have you seen the show Catfish? Some people get really deeply involved with these people! A friend did it to me pretended to be a young guy and whilst I wasn't interested in him anyway, it was humiliating when I found out.

I wouldn't want a friend like that

Yes I too find it weird she found and targeted the neighbour. How?!

Searched for him and sent him a DM presumably.

@Summertimer How many people need to tell you that your post came across as victim blaming until you acknowledge it? Because I'm another who read it as exactly that.

so she must know his name. It seems so weird. Did she set up the account with fake photos and deliberately target him then?

To deliberately target your neighbour, scour the Internet for images and create a whole internet persona is way beyond just naughty. It’s really creepy and twisted. It’s cruel not only to your neighbour but that poor model whose images are being used. How can you even trust this person and have them around your home? What if she turns on you, is this why you are reluctant to say something because you seem scared or nervous of her reaction. Don’t give her a heads up if you do tell him because she might try and pull you into it.

Your friend is a complete twat. Why would you even want to be friends with someone who thinks its okay to hurt, humiliate and deceive someone for kicks. Its bloody downright cruel and I would want nothing more to do with her.

Definitely tell him. Have some morals and if your friend thinks you have backstabbed her then stick up for yourself and tell her you don't agree with what she is doing. If you lose her friendship because of it then its more on her than you. Proves how immature she is.

@TwinklyBlueEagle I'd be doing more than telling the neighbour. I'd rethink the entire friendship as that's a vile thing to do to someone! I would not be friends with someone like that.

What age are you? Naughty? Its downright nasty is what it is.

Tell your neighbour. Your friend should be ashamed of herself and so should you for not calling her out in stronger terms.

This is the real damage catfishing can cause. It's in no way a joke.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cpdq08e5lz7o

how old are you all? Does your neighbour have any vulnerabilities?

I mean, the answers to that questions are semi irrelevant, it’s still a very shit thing to do. But potentially even more shit depending on the answers.
You need to make it stop now. Like others suggested, report the account but also tell your neighbour. He’s already being humiliated and you’re part of it if you knowingly allow it to continue. This could turn truly horrid for him.

Edit to add I have a feeling this will be one of those very common posts recently where the OP doesn’t bother coming back

She is a nasty piece of work for doing this and OP, you aren't a whole lot better if you are complicit and only jokingly asking her to stop.

Redeem yourself, report the account at the very least. If you don't want to confront your neighbour personally, then at least shove a note through his door to warn him.

The more I think about this the angrier I get, not just with the friend, but also with the OP describing it as 'naughty' and not wanting to be seen as a 'right backstabber'.

If you were teens this would be stupid but possibly forgivable. Assuming you're a couple of adults you do realise that this isn't how people conduct themselves in normal adult life don't you? Giggling about bullying another adult you know in the most bizarre and cruel way. I don't even know an adult who'd have the time for bullshit like this, never mind the inclination.

For not calling her out on it you are as bad as her OP, although the fact you've posted here doubting it means there may be some hope for you yet.

Evil triumphs when good men people do nothing after all.

I think we could run a poll on whether@Summertimer was victim blaming and the percentages very much would not be in their favour.

Well, I do think most of us have done courses on cyber safety. I do think that a flirty account is always suspect. Expressing surprise and concern is not victim blaming.

What do you call this sort of threat and persecution?

@Summertimer You think 'most of us' have done a course / multiple courses in cyber safety? What are you basing that on? I certainly haven't!