AIBU to expect 4 cats to stay in utility room/study?

[notaurewhatusername]

We have 4 cats that are causing major issues. They're constantly pooing and weeing all over the house, including in the bath. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and worried about having a baby crawling around cat mess.

The utility room and study combined are the size of 2 bedrooms and have a cat flap, so they'd still have plenty of space and outdoor access. They've had their jabs to go outside.

DH lets them roam freely 24/7, even when we're not home. I want them confined to that room, maybe let out for a couple hours in the evening under supervision.

DH loves them but they're completely uncontrollable. The mess is disgusting and I'm at my wit's end. AIBU to insist on this compromise? I'm not a cat person but I think it's reasonable. DH won't budge and it's really getting me down.

How would you handle this? Am I being unfair to the cats?

This ^

Why are they not all outdoor cats?

We have 2 cats who "own" the conservatory. They come in and out via the cat flap, and they have their creature comforts i.e. supertall cat tree, heat pad, cosy blankies etc in that room only. Any surprise vomits/poos/cat prey brought as presents are confined to that room. We bring them into other rooms for snuggles, but then it's back to their base. I wasn't sure when we got them how I'd be, but turns out I am just not one of those people who could cope with arriving home to a turd or a dead shrew on my bed. My affection for them doesn't run that deep. In short, I think it sounds fine, and infinitely better than what's happening now with the turds all over your living space!

Well as responsible owners of them, they need to now meet their needs. They took them on, look after them. Too many animals being turfed out of their homes just because it’s easy to ‘get rid’.

Scoop daily.

Depending on your cats, full litter change every 3-7 days.

It's very odd behaviour for cats, especially all of them doing it. Cats are a clean, private species. The main reasons they would be urinating and defecating around the house is due to illness, environmental stress, unclean litter trays, or not enough trays for them (the general rule of thumb is one per cat + 1 extra)

If they're all doing this, the only 2 options I could really advise is either bringing in a cat behaviourist, or rehoming. There is something very wrong within the house if they're all doing it. Even feral or semi-feral cats, who get brave and occasionally venture indoors, don't usually display this behaviour.

Litter only needs scooping daily (preferably twice daily), not a full change. If you keep on top of the scooping and remove any wet clumps and top up with fresh, it’s fine to go a few days between full changes. Exactly how long depends to some extent on what litter you use.

P.S. my cats go out to toilet. We are very rural though, so they have many options. I was not a fan of indoor cat litter.

They were actually re-homed although they were outdoor cats anyway. They just weren’t allowed into the house at all when they were making me physically sick.

The problem under discussion is four cats peeing & pooing everywhere throughout OP’s house, who is pregnant. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Scooped
I use clumping litter fairly deep so the wee doesn't touch the bottom
I WFH so I scoop out wee and solids as soon as he's done it

I rarely do a full clean but the litter is so deep there's nothing at the bottom except dust

How old are the cats? And do any have health problems? What colours are they? Is it just the messing that’s the problem or are they fighting each other? The reason I ask all this is that there are a lot of cats up for rehoming and an older cat, one with any health problems (including being known for messing inside), ones that dislike other cats and weirdly even black/black and white cats can all take longer to be rehomed (kittens excepted).

If you can somehow make your husband change the litter more often (at a minimum any solids or clumps should be scooped out twice a day, even if the whole litter is only changed every few days), and if you improve their living conditions - then they still might be better in a familiar environment than rehomed.

The spraying/pooing may be down to stress at too many cats in a small space, not clean enough litter trays or not enough private/hooded ones - but it this point it may also be habitual as sometimes even the best enzyme cleansers can’t get rid of all the scent once they have started doing it.

As a bare minimum it sounds like the cats need the access to outside, cleaner and possibly more private (hooded) litter trays and more spaces they can get away from each other inside the utility and study in bad weather (cat trees with comfortable perches, hooded cat beds tucked away under chairs/tables etc) and some attention from your husband each evening. If they get all that, then unless they are actively fighting with each other, they will still probably be happier than in a rehoming centre with no guarantees of how long they will be there.

If your husband won’t put in the minimal work to do all this though, then yes, it’s better to consider rehoming and hope for the best.

When the baby arrives, make sure you empty the contents of a nappy or two into his wardrobe. Then ask him if he thinks it's an issue. But I don't think you should stay in this house. I think he needs to choose, you or the cats.

It's not normal or desirable to live in a house that is used as a litter box by four miserable animals. Does he think he's normal?

Does he think anyone will ever want to buy the house when it has been used as a pissoir by four cats?
The answer to this is a resounding no, BTW.

Your H sounds like one of those people who end up as hoarders. Facilitating multiple litters of kittens, wilfully disregarding civilized norms of domestic life, putting the comfort of his family last and his obsessive behaviour first, denial and gaslighting - none of that is good. It all points to psychological abnormality.

If I were you, I'd be making plans to leave.

Cats are very clean animals. They don’t go to the toilet outside their boxes unless there’s a reason. And they don’t need “training” to use them. I think it’s only right to try and get to the bottom of this before rehoming them.

You’re very passive in all of this, OP. “DP says this…” “DP says that..” “He’s very stubborn..”

It doesn’t matter what he says. Or how stubborn he is. There is clearly an issue because you’ve got cat piss and shit all over your house! Whatever he is doing isn’t working. He needs to man up and resolve the problem, not leave it to you to ask the internet.

If I were you, I’d be giving him an ultimatum. Either the cats are re-homed or you’re leaving.

As an aside, he clearly doesn’t give a flying fuck about you or the baby. No loving man, excited to be a new father, would act like this.

Litter trays should be cleaned numerous times a day. Poor cats. You are not fit to have them if you can't even keep the trays clean

He will not listen and just thinks he is right all the time.

This relationship has no future.

You need to make plans to leave.

I considered rehiring he said don't be so stupid. He will never rehome them and honestly if I moved out I think he would choose the cats 🐈

Ewww. Nothing could give me the ick more than a man who puts his dogs above his wife and kids (and I love our dogs). @TwinklyAmberOrca You know that's not normal, right?

@notaurewhatusername
What would happen if you told your DH you refuse to bring a baby home to this house until he sorts the situation? Poor you and poor kitties.

I agree, or she moves out, I wouldn’t bring a baby home to a house smelling of animal faeces or urine, the smell would be in everything.

Edited to add if they can’t meet the needs of the animal it’s kinder to rehome them.

To add the toilet use by the cats is once a week in somewhere outside of the tray, it's not daily. I'm not minimising it but people are suggesting we live in a shit hope and it isn't it's actually a lovely house!

“Don’t be so stupid”? Wow. You’ve chosen a real prince amongst men. Does he usually talk to you like that? No wonder you’ve got no confidence to stand up to him.

In that case, I'd definitely move out! You're having a child and having 4 cats pooing and weeing all over your house is incompatible with that.

You need to rehome the cats. No cat I have ever known poos in its own house.

Cats pooing and weeing around the house is a stress indicator. As others have mentioned, corralling them into one space in the house will only increase their stress.

The other issue is once they’ve toileted somewhere the smell remains and they tend to go back to that place.

I have two indoor cats and out of nowhere one started toileting around the house. I took him to the vet and we all drove ourselves mad trying to work out what he could be upset about. It was because I’d changed the type of litter in the tray! Bit of a nightmare as the factory had flooded so it was unavailable for months. But as soon as we changed it back he was fine again. In the meantime my teenagers had learned to put their clothes away and not leave them in piles on the floor - every cloud etc!

Start with the litter trays. Clean them out, disinfect them. Keep them very clean and scoop poo straight away. If you’ve changed litter go back to the old one! Maybe get an extra litter tray and see if that helps. If they’ve toileted on any soft furnishings, carpets or clothing use one of those pet sanitiser products to remove the smell. Personally I wouldn’t be too bothered about the occasional weeing in the bath, just make sure you clean it before use.

Your DH needs to step up a bit and maybe you need to calm down. Your first post sounds like there is cat poo all over your house, now it seems like there’s a problem but nowhere near as bad as you first suggested.

For the love of God LTB before your baby is born.
He has no respect for you. You deserve better. You are worth so much more than the cats!