Was This Rude?

[BlubBlubImAFish]

I was grabbing some breakfast in a cafe this morning on the way to work, nothing fancy, just a pot of fruit, toast and a poached egg. I was buttering my toast when a woman looked over my shoulder and said 'Oh that looks healthy' in quite a flat tone.

Now, I'm a size 20, and I'm also 6 months pregnant so currently the size and shape of an upright Shetland Pony and probably a bit over sensitive. I HATE people commenting on my food and what I eat because I've had it all my life and I did see red a bit but tried to stay polite.

I said 'oh.. thanks. I'm pregnant so don't care if it's healthy or not at the moment frankly!'.

She made some 'oh! right!' noises and I walked off.

She then followed me outside and across the carpark shouted 'EXCUSE ME! Just so you know I wasnt being sarcastic, it really did look healthy!!'

I was mortified, but just smiled and shouted back 'Oh it's ok honestly! Have a good day!' and disappeared.

Now I'm sitting with it and wondering if I was awful?? At the same time who comments on a random strangers food like that??

YABU - I was rude and over sensitive
YANBU - She shouldnt have commented on your food

I might comment on someone's food if they were next to me in the queue for instance. Something like, ooh that looks nice. The size of the person means diddly squat to me so if they choose to take offence when none is intended, so be it

That's different though isn't it. Specifically going up to someone who is sat down eating and saying 'ooh that looks healthy' then shouting at said person across a car park. That was only meant in a twattish way.

I have no idea what she meant! She might have been feeling bad about her muffin and wishing she'd chosen what you chose, or having a dig about your weight or complimenting you on making a healthy choice while pregnant. Who knows! Try to forget is my only suggestion.

It's not different because you said in a previous comment that nobody says this sort of stuff if you're slim. So it sounds like whatever comment someone might make about your food, or wherever it is, you'd take offence

No I wouldn't and that's just twisting my words. It's this type of comment in this way - it is intended to be barbed - especially using a word like 'healthy' and if you'd been through it you'd understand. Clearly you never have.

Some posters are just determined to ignore what this was. The OP has said how she felt about the comment and there just was no need whatsoever. Hopefully this woman - and any other who doesn't know the difference between a harmless 'that looks nice!' and 'that looks healthy' - will keep quiet. The world would be better off for it.

I understood what you meant in your first post, Itsmahoneybaloney and in every other on this thread, it's not difficult.

It sounds like she just said what was on her mind, maybe was even trying to strike up conversation, but then later ruminated on what she said and got really worried she'd offended you.

I am the sort of person to speak out loud and spend the rest of the day analysing what complete shit came out of my mouth and wishing I could go apologise to the person or explain what I had intended to say and that it came out all wrong.

Don't think any more of it. This is on her and her anxiety. But don't think badly of her, she sounds like she didn't mean any bad...

I think she wasn't being sarcastic, just likely commented without thinking about how it might come across.

On another note, I only want egg on toast now for tea!!!!

I understood perfectly well thank you but I think she and the OP are over reacting. I despair that a comment like this can be taken in any other way than an innocent remark about someone's food! OK it was a bit weird for her to come up behind her & say it but I'm certain no malice was meant. I do tend to see the good in people though and luckily judging by this thread I'm not alone

'No malice' isn't any sort of defence. Is that where you 'set your bar'? It's not mine. Despair all you like but if somebody is dense enough to make unsolicited comments then they shouldn't be surprised or dismayed at any retort that comes back because they will fully deserve it.

People generally used to be more circumspect in their comments but, that was then.

We are all different and it isn't for anybody to tell the OP that she was wrong in how she felt.

You're wrong. And clearly have never been been in that position or you'd stop going on. HTH.

YANBU. I fucking HATE people commenting on my food. Just F off with that shit. It's rude and intrusive and shitty. I hate it. I have a bit of a difficult relationship with food after struggling with my weight since I was a teen (40 years!) and I don't appreciate comments about what I'm eating. I also hate people watching me eating. Gives me the collywobbles! 😬

IMO, no-one should be commenting on what someone is eating! Mind your own business!

That's my opinion and I'm entitled to it. (And I'm not apologising for it!) Comment on my food - and my eating - and you'll get a bloody short shrift from me.

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I don't think she was being rude.

She probably just said what she was honestly thinking and the realised that you may have take offence ( which you have) and tried to reassure you she wasn't trying to cause offence.

I would have had a little chit chat with her ( I'm northern, we often like to have chats with strangers to pass the day!) and agreed that I had gone for the healthy choice today.
I wouldn't have given it a second thought after that. To me it would have been a pleasant interaction.
However people on here get upset at people talking to them for no reason.

Yes. A man would feel entitled to do that because they 'like to'. Of course women would welcome that unsolicited chit-chat. Why wouldn't they? Ugh.

You weren’t rude.

I think when it comes to commenting on others’ food and food choices anything other than “that looks good/nice/delicious” is rude, otherwise mind your business and keep your opinions to yourself.

Talking about how healthy a stranger’s meal is is odd. I don’t think the healthiness of a stranger’s food actually enters my mind. Healthy choices for me though, yes.

I totally agree. I spend a lot of my time in the community working with vulnerable people and we often strike up conversations with strangers, or the other way round. It might be about the weather, the food in the cafe, complimenting someone on their choice of clothes, anything. Nobody's ever taken offence and people generally are happy to chat. I wouldn't necessarily go up to someone from behind and comment on their food. The lady didn't read the room very well but it was an innocent harmless comment imo

What a ridiculous answer, give your head a wobble

Sounds like the sort of thing my mum would do/say. She likes talking to people but is never really sure of what to say and then thinks about what she said afterwards. She never means to come across as rude or judgy but some people might view what she says that way. We’re all different and some people find it perfectly normal to say random things to random strangers - just to have some human interaction. Then again, some people are judgey b*m holes and don’t deserve to get away with it, so you’re not in the wrong either. Just brush it off and forget about it. These things happen.

Should probably say that my mum also qualifies as ‘northern’.

I'm fat (& short) When I was with my first husband (& about 6 stone lighter than I am now) his father always made snide remarks if I so much ate a biscuit & that started a life long shame with "unhealthy" food. I would sneak food upstairs to eat in private & even now 30 years later with a wonderful man who never criticises my size 22 body I still hide wrappers at the bottom of the kitchen bin. When the ddgc come to stay I ask what goodies they want & if they don't eat it all I give it to them to take home so I can't eat it. Hate eating out as paranoid people are looking & judging, same as when we do our big food shop. I'm constantly trying to lose weight but unfortunately my mobility is very limited.
I'm sure this lady didn't mean to offend or purposely upset you.

I think she made the sort of comment that some people love and others hate.

the fact is your breakfast was healthy so it’s difficult to imagine it as a sarcastic comment - how would that make any sense?

perhaps she was trying to be supportive? I’m slim and certainly have had people comment on my food choices, including that my food looks healthy. I always take it as a compliment/validation that I’ve made a good choice even if I’d rather have been eating a bacon sandwich and a danish.

I guess like with everything you can take what you want from human interaction. On the whole I approach life in the belief that most people aren’t arseholes. I think it serves me well.

I must admit I have occasionally (as in not habitually) said to strangers "Oooh, that looks nice" or similar comments. But I do sort of read the room and it depends on the situation. I wouldn't stride across a room to say it for example, or say it to someone who looked harrassed, miserable or engrossed in something. I was slipping a jumper on in John Lewis the other day as I couldn't be bothered to go to the changing rooms and there was a woman very close to me doing the same thing. I smiled at her and said "that colour really suits you". We ended up having quite the conversation. So it all depends really.

That's different and absolutely fine and lovely in fact. Those that this sort of thing had happened to understand the difference between making a nice comment to us and we're engaged to walking over to someone mid eat and saying that looks "healthy". We know exactly what that means and that you're a twat. The circumstances you describe are different and something I also do particularly when the other person initiates it.

Maybe it depends where you live. Here in Yorkshire I wouldn’t have thought twice about a stranger speaking to me like that. I would just have thought she was being friendly.

She shouldn't have commented.

I think she made the subsequent comment as she figured she'd upset / offended you.

She obviously didn't learn the lesson about not making any comment (as she came back to you again) but I don't think she wanted to make you feel bad. I think in a misguided way it was to try and make you feel better!