Was This Rude?

[BlubBlubImAFish]

I was grabbing some breakfast in a cafe this morning on the way to work, nothing fancy, just a pot of fruit, toast and a poached egg. I was buttering my toast when a woman looked over my shoulder and said 'Oh that looks healthy' in quite a flat tone.

Now, I'm a size 20, and I'm also 6 months pregnant so currently the size and shape of an upright Shetland Pony and probably a bit over sensitive. I HATE people commenting on my food and what I eat because I've had it all my life and I did see red a bit but tried to stay polite.

I said 'oh.. thanks. I'm pregnant so don't care if it's healthy or not at the moment frankly!'.

She made some 'oh! right!' noises and I walked off.

She then followed me outside and across the carpark shouted 'EXCUSE ME! Just so you know I wasnt being sarcastic, it really did look healthy!!'

I was mortified, but just smiled and shouted back 'Oh it's ok honestly! Have a good day!' and disappeared.

Now I'm sitting with it and wondering if I was awful?? At the same time who comments on a random strangers food like that??

YABU - I was rude and over sensitive
YANBU - She shouldnt have commented on your food

I think she was trying to be nice, sometimes it doesn’t always relay in that way. She then tried to follow up because she didn’t intend it to come across as rude.

Every time I ate something in public when pregnant it seemed like someone said "Should you be eating that?"

I dread to think how my 1/2 pint of Guinness in the pub would go down with observers these days.

I'd be tempted to reply sarcastically. "Yeah, you're right it is a bit boringly healthy. But wait until I've loaded it with Nutella, jam, cream, marshmallows and hundreds and thousands."

I honestly had no idea that it's rude to talk about another person's food. I mean, I get it wouldn't be nice to come up and say the food looks gross, but the woman said something positive but it's being twisted into something negative when it really doesn't sound like there is any ground for that. Why can't an innocent comment just be an innocent comment, why do we have to disect and analyse everything just so we can take offence? It's getting scarier and scarier to open your mouth and have little interactions in public.

I do think it’s rude to comment on what people are eating, personally I wouldn’t dream of commenting on a random strangers food like that in that manner. I probably would have just ignored the comment myself.

I really feel for anyone who tries to open up a conversation with the angry half of responders, and the OP for that matter. Seriously, get over yourselves. It was a passing comment about the food, which is not rude btw, it wasn’t a personal insult, it wasn’t a comment about the appearance of the OP, it was about some food. And why are you letting the OP get away with saying it doesn’t matter about eating healthily during pregnancy? Right up your trigger street, surely?

'healthy' is loaded when commenting on someone's choices. Food, weight, health, those things are all contentious topics in this society for many, many people. It's no way to start a conversation with a stranger. She made a misstep. If she'd wanted to start a conversation she could have mentioned anything in the world. There was no context to it, which would have made it feel quite odd and raise the question of why she was commenting on the healthiness of the OP's breakfast in particular. There was scope for it to have been judgemental, sarcastic, patronising.

This woman wasn't opening a conversation, she was passing comment and doing so tactlessly. It was a strange thing to do.

This reminds me of that old saying ‘comment once on eggs and toast, comment twice and suffer most’. My nan used to say it all the time (to be honest I’m never quite sure what she meant! One of those things I wished I’d asked her before she passed away - along with ‘what’s the code for the safe, Nana!!’). I’d say don’t let it worry you, I expect the woman in question feels a real fool now. I hope you managed to enjoy your breakfast! 🍳

She was being a dick, you knew it, you called her out on it (more politely than i would have) she had a strop because you embarrassed her (rightly so) your instinct is correct and people like this should be caught out. No way would she have spoken to a man or a slim woman like that. More power to you.

Lol I think she could've just genuinely thought it looked healthy/ nice. Just a little misunderstanding probably. Don't worry about it.it sounds like you handled it just fine.

I think this is hilarious. I feel sorry for you both. She was clearly trying to people too early in the morning and It was very silly of her to get involved. But she clearly was very well intentioned!

Why do you assume she was well intentioned? I can tell you as a larger woman who has also been slim at times throughout life - no one says this sort of shit if you're slim. It's a dig and a really obvious one that you'd only understand if you are/have been an overweight woman.

I'd assume it because she said nothing rude and even explained herself after, saying she meant no offence

it does sound healthy. and tasty too. but it's also none of her business.

it doesn't really seem the same as commenting that something looks or smells tasty (I have commented to a nearby table that their food that had just been served out and walked past our table smelled yummy)
healthy does feel a bit more loaded. hopefully they literally meant just that, but we all know how some people are about what other people eat.

No she didn't she gave a barbed little comment (it's all about tone) and then shouted at the OP after across the car park. Absolute twat and if you'd ever experienced it you'd understand.

I don't think she meant anything by her comment but picked up it landed wrong with you and tried to make it right.
I think you are being oversensitive about it.

The OP said it was "flat". If she meant to be sarcastic she wouldn't have followed OP across the car park to say she wasn't being sarcastic!

No, move on, it really isn't important.
Neither of you were bitchy, and she closed the encounter politely.

That sounds like a healthy breakfast to me, so she was possibly being genuine.

Commenting on other people's food isn't necessary though, and if she'd refrained there would have been nothing to (a) misinterpret or (b) cause offence.

I used to have a colleague who was a perpetual dieter and every time I ate her head would bob up like a meerkat so she could critique my choices. Urgh.

I had no idea people who are bigger are on guard when eating in public. This is a revelation to me!

Yes she would because she got caught out and was back tracking. I've encountered these types many times!

Whether she was genuine or not is irrelevant, nobody should be commenting on what you are eating .

I think she was complimenting you. That's a very healthy, balanced meal and she was prob internally thinking she should be treating her body as well as you are yours. I'd be proud of myself eating what you were and would welcome her positive words. I think you're probably feeling a bit sensitive at the mo so perceived it as something else. You ended it all on a good note so I wouldn't dwell on it.

Caught out by saying that looks healthy in a flat tone? Seriously, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what she said. Some people naturally speak in flat tones, my mil being one of them. She always sounds like she's pissed off! But it's just the way she speaks. I know she doesn't mean to sound like that. I think the OP overreacted over an innocent comment

Would you actually go up to a stranger in a cafe and comment that their food looked healthy?? Would you seriously go and do that and mean it nicely. No you wouldn't so unless you've experienced this sort of behaviour then you wouldn't understand.

But why would you compliment a total stranger upon eating a healthy balanced meal? I'm not saying I know this woman's motives any better than you do, just that it is quite an intrusive thing to do.

Compare clothes shopping. To me an equivalence is: 'thats a lovely dress' Vs. 'that's a flattering dress'. Both could be true, both positive, one is providing a judgement.